My Little Chinese Boy!

This suit was tailored made for my friend Amelia's son Anson. Unfortunately, the tailor made it too small for him and fortunately, it fits Alex .... snug as a bug.

We had a potluck party on Saturday, inviting a few close friends to celebrate Chinese New Year together.

Our friend Jerome and his wife, Lucy just had a little boy - Brendan. He is one gorgeous little boy. Holding him in my arms reminded me of Alex when he was just a wee baba.

It was nice to have friends over and Alex was so excited about having his big brother Anson and big sister Brenda over. Jeremy made a mistake by telling him that they are coming on Friday night and guess what? We had no peace until they finally arrived at 1:00pm Saturday!

Anyway, our Alex is one lucky boy, he had his birthday presents early from our friends and our friends just cannot wait to see his expression when he opens the presents. We had to allow him to open them early. We have decided not to get Alex anything but deposit some money into his bank account. It's too soon after Christmas and he is still going through his Christmas presents. Buying him more toys or books would be a waste of money.

We had to be sensible although it sounded a bit mean. Anyway, I know I will get him a little something closer to his birthday and knowing me, I normally swallow my words - ha ha ha.

Received the Assessment report from Education Psychologist. This is a summarised report and the reason I am sharing this confidential report is to give those interested an insight of the process and perhaps able to help those with a similar problem.

Background Information

Alex was given a diagnosis of Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) in April 2007 by Dr Irani (Consultant Paediatrician) and this was confirmed in the May, following a multi-professional assessment at the Margaret Wells-Furby Children’s Resource Centre. Subsequently, he was referred to the TASS Pre-school service and Neel Wilson began working with him. She referred Alex to the Educational Psychology Service in October 2007.

Neel Wilson wrote to the SEN Section in December 2007 to request a statutory assessment of Alex’s special educational needs. The request was agreed and this report is provided as the statutory psychological advice for that assessment.

Assessment

I discussed Alex with staff at the Teddies Nursery on 23.11.07, and with his mother Ms Hoh during a home visit on that day (Alex was ill and so not at the Nursery). I learned from the staff that initially he had been receiving five hours 1:1 support funded from the Early Years Support Grant. More recently, Amanda Waistell (Inclusion Assistant) had started working with Alex for one session per week (2½ hours) with the staff being funded for the rest. He had been isolated when he started at the Nursery but this had improved, as had his eye contact. He had begun to acknowledge the other children but was not yet interacting meaningfully with them. Alex was not yet toilet trained and was wearing nappies and training was to begin at home and in the nursery. His expressive and receptive language development were delayed and he communicated through pointing with noises, some limited use of signs, and some use of words (e.g. car, more, thank you). When I visited the home, Alex gave good eye contact to me, later accepted my tickling his tummy, said “Bye, bye” and shook my hand when I held it out to him. Given the ASD diagnosis, I formed the view that he had appropriate skills in some aspects of his social interaction.

I visited Teddies Nursery again on 7.2.08. I discussed Alex with the staff (particularly with Catherine Wood, his Key Carer), observed him over a two-hour period, reviewed his East Sussex Curriculum Based Developmental Profile (CBDP) and carried out some 1:1 assessment to try to gauge the current level of Alex’s cognitive abilities.

Alex continues to attend for three mornings per week but currently also attends on Thursday afternoons while his parents are on the Early Bird course. I learned Angie Brown (Special Needs Assistant with the Speech and Language Therapy service) was working with Alex and staff for one session per week and as a consequence, Amanda Waistell had withdrawn to allow this to happen. She will resume her support once Angie Brown’s sessions have ended. The staff had received Makaton training and all the children were now learning one sign each week. Alex is still easily distracted and so at times the staff work with Alex 1:1 both in the main room and away from it. These sessions include daily work using Jolly Phonics and work on activities provided by Angie Brown. They have also set up small group games to develop Alex’s social skills and encourage contact with his peers. They had tried picture cards for use in a visual timetable but these had not worked well so they were preparing photos of Alex doing things for this purpose instead. Toilet training had been started and been quite successful, to the extent that Alex is now wearing pants rather than nappies to the nursery. Staff were preparing a photo of the toilet so Alex could have a toilet card to communicate when he needed to go. I learned later from his mother that his training at home has also been going well and he can stay dry, but currently still wears nappies at night as he can still be wet.

Alex looked at me and smiled back when he came into the room. I walked over and held my hand out and again he shook it. He went over to the carpet to join some other children who had arrived much earlier and had been playing with cars. I noticed he sat and agitated his hands and legs (‘stimming’). This happened at several points in the morning but it was not frequent or overly intrusive.

Alex was told the cars were finished, accompanied by the Makaton sign for finished, and he immediately put the car in the tray. There were many other occasions across the morning when I was clear that Alex is compliant and biddable. All the children then arrived to form a circle for registration. When Catherine said: “Morning Alex” he immediately said: “Uh-uh” (his version of morning) in reply. Alex was aware of me and regularly made good eye contact and sometimes smiled when I smiled at him. After registration, the children were asked one by one to get their coats, ready to go outside. Catherine asked a girl to take Alex to get his coat and he went off holding her hand, seemingly happily enough. When he returned, he stood outside the circle as there was no gap to allow him to enter. He stood passively and made no attempt to communicate with the children in front of him or to step through them. Similarly, when he was asked to line up, his route was partly blocked by a boy on the floor and Alex stood back passively and looked at him, rather than moving forward and so encouraging the boy to move, or moving to one side to walk round him. Catherine said she feels Alex can seem over-passive at times; for example, when he is on a bike and another child requests it, she feels he gets off because he follows instructions passively, rather than because he has finished riding it.

All the children went outside and Alex was given a large ball which he threw with signs of pleasure. He did not look at the ball or the carer when given it. He then got onto a bike with pedals but used his feet to scoot it around. I understand from Catherine he is not yet able co-ordinate his feet when pedalling. He took a different ball from me when I held one out. He made a sound and pointed towards a slide, as if trying to show / tell me something, although he did not make eye contact with me to indicate he was establishing shared attention. I encouraged him to join me at the slide and a carer helped him climb up, saying she felt he was unable to do this yet. He then slid down the slide. When prompted via the word “more?” and the Makaton sign, he went behind the slide to climb again and I loosely supported him, as he was climbing it well. On a third occasion, he climbed up entirely by himself. I asked the carer to do nothing when he slid down and he got up and stood passively. He needed organising / encouraging to find another activity. This was the case throughout my visit, in that during this period of observation, Alex never initiated an activity for himself or engaged in spontaneous play and needed to be supported to do this. At these times, he appeared to withdraw within himself.

Throughout the time I observed Alex, there was little interaction with his peers; he did not initiate contact and the others did not initiate it with him. He went over and stood on the edge of a group playing at one point, as if interested in what was going on, but there was no contact between him and group members. Not surprisingly given the ASD diagnosis, Alex’s social skills will continue to be an area for development.

Alex’s Curriculum Based Developmental Profile (CBDP) shows his achievement so far in the six areas of the Foundation Stage i.e. Personal, Social & Emotional Development, Communication, Language & Literacy, Mathematical Development, Knowledge & Understanding of the World, Physical Development and Creative Development. On the basis of the information supplied, it was clear he had made some progress since the CBDP was started, and Alex’s current achievements are within P Levels 1 – 3. That is, he is working at levels similar to those expected for children aged from birth up to 2½ years at age 3:11 years. Of course, this evidence of delayed development needs to be set in the context of the effects of his autism.

I also assessed Alex using some scales from the British Ability Scales (second edition) (BASII). Such testing is dependent on the child having an understanding of the formality of the situation, good attention and concentration and so on, so not necessarily features present in children with autism. As such, I used the tasks in an exploratory way. However, I learned Alex can be willing to sit with relatively unfamiliar adults and co-operate. He can attend but his attention span is short and he often needs focussing, for example with verbal and visual prompts. He does not yet always look with intent and understand which aspects of a task to attend to. Not surprisingly in the context of the effects of his autism, Alex’s scores were well below average.

During our discussion on 23.11.07, Ms Hoh said she felt Alex is quite social and might manage mainstream schooling at some stage. Her main concern was his expressive language as she felt there were no issues with his understanding. She and Mr Green had scheduled visits to Holly Spring Infants, the Rainbow Resource and Kennel Lane. In a phone call I made on 3.1.08, Mr Green told me he and Ms Hoh had made these visits and that their preference was for initial placement at the Rainbow Resource. During a brief conversation with Ms Hoh at Teddies on 7.2.08, she confirmed that both she and her husband would like Alex to have place at the Resource. One reason for this choice was that the speech and language therapy input would be more intensive. As this would be part time, she would also like him to continue attending at Teddies Nursery for the rest of each day.

Educational Needs

Alex has been diagnosed as having ASD. As such, he shows developmental delay across the six areas of the Foundation Stage.

Recommended Provision

Alex would benefit from:

· Full access to the Early Years Foundation Stage curriculum, adapted to take account of his particular needs;

· On-going monitoring of his progress across the Early Years Foundation Stage curriculum at a detailed level (the CBDP will continue to be a key aid for this and when planning his learning objectives);

· Specialist nursery placement for children with ASD with opportunities for inclusion within a mainstream setting when appropriate;

· Access to staff with specialist knowledge and experience of planning and delivering educational programmes for children with ASD;

· Activities to develop his gross- and fine-motor skills;

· Activities to develop his attention and concentration spans across a range of activities;

· Activities to develop his expressive and receptive language;

· Activities to develop his social & communication skills;

· Access to advice for staff, monitoring and direct input as needed, from a speech and language therapist.

Note from mummy: I agree with most of what is written but because he was only with Alex for 2.5 hours, he hasn't seen all of Alex. Perhaps, this will help to get what we needed for Alex.

I feel like a hypocrite.

Long ago ..... way before Alex was born, I find it difficult to understand why Mothers need 4x4 vehicles for school runs. I told Jeremy, I don't want a 4x4 even if I can afford one - they are gas-guzzlers and it's really bad for the environment.

I changed my mind since having driven the Toyota Highlander in Tallahassee last year. I now wanted a Toyota RAV4 for my next car. The reason for my change of mind is .... cars are getting bigger ... even a Mini is as tall as my car - a Ford Focus C-Max. I like a tall car, one I can drive with confidence and tall enough to see what is ahead way before a small car could. I like the way they are built - tough yet stylish. It has nothing to do with status but more for safety.

Isn't it a laugh? I am slapping myself on the cheek because I said I didn't want one before and craving for one now. The moral of the story is Never Say Never and we can't judge someone until we are in their shoes.

Despite what the environmentalist or the tree-huggers thinks, every parents wants safety for their children. Drivers on the road are getting more careless or violent and driving with your children in the car is getting more and more stressful.

If there's a car out there that isn't a 4x4 but built as tough as one and doesn't cost the earth, I will definetely be interested, but until then, I would like a Toyota RAV4 and in Maroon.

It's my Nephew Joshua's Birthday today.

Hey Josh, just want to wish you a very H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y and hope you have a fantastic day.

Lots of love from Sar Ee (Third Auntie), Uncle Jeremy and your cousin Alex.

Alex has a friend.

Jane, my friend from Family Support came today with her two and a half year old son Nicholas.

Nicholas has cerebral palsy and is a delightful boy. He has a wicked sense of humour and not to mention looks to go with it. He is a completely different boy today compared to the times that I saw him at the centre. He was always crying and Alex's afraid of him. I could understand why .... he is a very sensitive boy like Alex and they both dislike rowdy children. Most of the other children visiting the centre has behavioural problems (almost every other child) and it upsets them.

Anyway, when Alex saw Nicholas ..... he wasn't sure what to make of the situation and stayed as far away as he could. Then came lunch time, we had a quick bite in the dining room and then Alex asked to be excused. He went out playing alone .... then Nicholas joined him. They played along side initially and then while we were chatting away in the dining room, I heard them laughing. I peeped and saw them playing together and laughing. No word could describe how I feel and I am glad that my son has a friend.

Jane and I are planning to let the boys play together once every forthnight and see how their friendship develops.

By the way, it's my mum's 75th Birthday today. Happy Birthday MUM .... I love you and miss you so much.

Did I wish for this? I think I did!

Not so long ago, I wished that Alex would talk or attempt to - well, my wish came true and all I need now is book myself a day in the monastery. I need peace and quiet - just 24 hours - and I'll be happy!

It's "eh eh eh" all day. Asking me to narrate his every action and wanted me to tell a story while he act the story with his cars. I know it's a fantastic progress - imaginative play and I am so happy but 8 hours of this? I know I shouldn't be complaining but when you are lack of sleep and with a head cold, it is not the best thing that ever happened to you.

Anyway, he has two new words today. "Net" and "Neck".

While watching The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse this morning, he said "net" when a picture of a net appeared on the screen. He looked at me and said "net", I just say "Well done" but not make a big fuss. He was happy and of course, I was really proud of him. Then, later in the evening, he said "mama neck" and pointed at his neck. There's a rash on his neck and I asked if he is in pain and he said "hmmm" meaning yes.

He is making more noises, sound and repeat words (although not really accurate) more often lately and that's really a good progress. But, I do need some quiet time sometime .......

Be careful of what you wished for - for it may come true and .............

What's with YouTube?

I have been trying to upload a video of Alex onto YouTube to share with you but it just wouldn't want to know. I tried a few times last night and then again this morning - just have to try later.

Alex learned to hum the intro of "Eye of the Tiger" and it's just so funny.

Anyway, we had our third Early Bird course today and we thoroughly enjoyed it. I would definately recommend anyone whose child been diagnosed with ASD to attend the Early Bird. This will be more beneficial to parents in the early days of diagnosis. The course really give parents the confident to work with their child/children and to understand how, what and sometimes why things happen the way they do.

Alex was diagnosed in May 2007 just after one of the Early Bird courses started. We had to wait until September for a new course to begin but there weren't enough families to start a new class. So, from September was delayed to November and then finally a confirmed date in January 2008.

While waiting for the course to start, Christina Watson one of the Early Bird trainers gave me many tips to work with Alex. That helped quite a bit and I know she wanted to tell me more but she knew I would not benefit from the course if she said too much.

Back to Early Birds, I have been practicing most of the things discussed in the first three weeks for sometime and I knew it worked. All these were either read from various books, research from the internet or tips from Christina. It seemed like a long time ago since the diagnosis and because of the knowledge we acquired from various sources, our life with Alex improved tremendously. Nevertheless, we enjoyed the last three weeks of the course and look forward to the rest.

Note to parents with children recently diagnosed with ASD:

It's not an easy thing to accept that your child is autistic but through our experience and the joy Alex gave us, I wouldn't want it any other way. You may feel sad and you are allowed to be down BUT pick yourself up as soon as you can because your child needs you.

There are three things that we have to remember:

START Accepting (Accept that there are no cure for ASD, accept all the help you can get because we cannot do it all alone);

STOP Expecting (Don't expect too much from your child. The lower your expectation, the more you get out of your child. When he's able to do the things you want him to, it gives you extreme joy)

START Believing (Have faith and believe that the days ahead will be better)

At Early Birds, we are able to share our experiences, what works for one might work for you. If it doesn't, there are always other ways to explore. The possibilities are unlimited.

I read an article in New York Times today and found that children have an average of 6 to 10 colds a year.

Well, that put my mind to rest as I always thought it's a bit odd that Alex gets the cold so often. I thought I had a "sickly child" - ha ha ha.

I organised a play date for Alex with a friend next week and hope he'll be well by then. It's hard to organise play dates for him. Some mothers do not have such problems and seem to organise play dates for their children all the time. Alex gets invited a few times but I had to decline as he wasn't well.

To be courteous, I wouldn't like to give anyone Alex's cold.

It's hard to decide what is the right thing to do? Be sociable and then be despised because you give their children the cold or being courteous and no one knows you're alive?

Life is full of decisions and doing the right thing doesn't always do you any favour but then again, I cannot live with the consequences of making the wrong decision.

What would other mum's do? Am I thinking too much?

Here's the article I read in NY Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/29/health/29fda.html

Alex is coughing again.

My poor little boy is poorly again. I am sure I'll be next.

Neither of us (Alex and me) had much sleep since Wednesday night.

At the moment, he is watching TV and sitting comfortably on the armchair all wrapped up nice and toasty. This boy knows how to take advantage of his condition ..... ha ha ha .....

He's been coughing quite badly this morning. This picture was taken 10 minutes ago and he doesn't look like he is in distress.

I just hope he'll recover real soon.

There's a hole in my cake.

Alex is getting funnier every day. You can't help but admire his intelligence (ha ha ha).

I baked a cake today.

Alex loves my cakes and he waited patiently for the cake to cool. He kept pointing at the cake and say "err?" and I will say "you have to wait until the cake cool down". He will walk out of the kitchen and two minutes later, asking the same question again. This continued for at least 5 times.

Dinner's almost ready and I told him to wait until after dinner. He spotted the dinner candle on the window and asked me to give it to him. I thought he wanted to play with it and I gave it to him. He then look at me and pointed at the cake, then he looked at the candle and said "err?" I laughed and told him it's not a birthday cake and I will bake one for him next month for his birthday. He walked out of the kitchen with the candle.

While waiting for dinner to get ready, I went out to sit in the lounge watching a little TV. Then, I heard "Oh my god! There's a hole in the cake". I ran to the kitchen and there it was, a hole in the cake. Alex, still holding the candle gave me a smile.

It's just so funny. I had to give him a hug and just so proud of him.

Boing Boing Boing ....

We took Alex to our local Sports Centre for trampolining today. He loved it and seemed to enjoy every minute of it. It was organised by East Berkshire Autistic Support Group and today was just a trial for Alex. The best part of it all was - he could do whatever he wanted - jumping or running or even screaming his lungs off. He liked hearing his own echoes when he screamed.

Did you know that ...... trampolining is a sports and is an event in the Olympics? I did not know this until today when the coach told me. There goes, learned something new today ;-)

It's still early days but if Alex really like this, we will encourage him to be trained properly. Who knows .... he may have talent in this like his cousin Joshua in Gymnastics.

I want Alex to have what I don't as a child but I don't want to be a "pushy mummy" either. It is quite difficult to draw a line as we may sometimes want to live our dreams in our children. I am never passionate about anything and can't say that I have a favourite subject. I really believe that if you start young and get support from you parents, you are more likely to stick to one thing you are good at for life.

We didn't really have the opportunity and support to pursue our dreams because there were too many of us. My mum told me once that she wished she had the means to give us lessons in Ballet, piano or violin. It's hard when you have five children to feed, roof over their head and all the other adult problems as well.

Despite not having ballet lessons or able to play a music instrument, we all turned out all right (I think). I can say for sure that my siblings turned out to be great parents and want the best for their children.

As for me ..... I think I am doing my best and hope that Alex knows that mummy loves him very much.

"I wished I could live in Alex's world for 24 hours" said Jeremy as we came out of the children centre.

It's D-Day, our first Early Bird Programme - a two and a half hour session of introductions. At the beginning of the session, we were told to keep everything we discussed in the programme to ourselves. There are six families including ourselves in the programme and we will be discussing and sharing information about our children. Some parents would prefer to have their children's condition kept private and you are right, I am not one of them (ha ha ha).

I guess writing a blog about Alex and my personal relationships will not qualify me as a private person. But I respect other's wish for privacy and I will not discuss their problem directly in my blog.

We started introducing ourselves and our children. We were each given one minute to talk about our children, followed by a two minute video of our children playing with us (Sam, the organiser came by our house last week to film us playing with Alex). There were four girls and two boys in our group which was quite unusual as Autism affect more boys than girls. The ages are quite equal with 3 three year-old and 3 four year-old. Five of them are already talking quite fluently and one not talking .... hmmmm Alex.

After all the introduction by parents, I thought to myself ..... my god, we are the luckiest among us. Most of their children have terrible tantrums and outbursts (some go on for hours), Alex hardly ever and even if he does, it's for very good reason and for 30 seconds tops. Some of them only eat certain food and had to be cooked or prepared in a certain way - Alex would eat anything. Some cannot tolerate labels on their clothing and only wears cotton - Alex can't be bothered. One has "leaky gut" but since she changed her diet to gluten and casein free, problem solved. Two could talk for hours non-stop and driving their mums crazy. One is violent towards her sibling and another has an obsession with helicopters.

There are of course some good things too. One 4 year old can read anything from newspapers to supermarket posters and food label. She can't always understand what she is reading and use words in the wrong context which is quite embarrassing for the mum. Another one could complete a 70 piece jigsaw puzzle in minutes. Alex ..... could recognise all the logos that he has seen only once. He will know something is missing even if he only seen them once. He has impeccable memory.

Then, we talked about what autism is, the myth and facts, the triad of impairment etc. Things that I already know from reading and research. These things are new to Jeremy because he doesn't read much and he find this course beneficial - Good.

Towards the end, we were shown a video "A is for Autism", showing us what it's like in the mind of an autistic person. Their world is so full of information which they find it hard to digest - I could understand why they have sensory overload and zone out.

They see and perceive things differently, fascinated by opening and closing elevator doors, trains and tracks, counting, numbers and the list goes on and on. After watching the 11 minute long video, I just don't know what to think of it.

Sitting down hours later, writing this blog, I can still see the video in my mind and it's quite disturbing. There are so much going on in their mind - all at the same time? If this is what's happening in Alex's mind every minute of the day ................... sob

I don't know if this is Alex and I know every autistic individual is different, that's why it's called a spectrum.

If God ask me what is the one thing I could change about Alex? I would say, no thank you. I love him just the way he is. I am sure he is what he is for a reason and I know I will find out soon.

It's weird to be told that it's good that your child rebels.

I've always thought how lucky we were to have a "model child", one who doesn't whine and does whatever been told to.

Not lately though. Since his adjustments, he has been active (actively seeking us to play with him), talkative (repeat sounds that he heard us say), noisy (at precisely the moment you wanted to listen to the news), cheeky (playing tricks on us), nosy (wants to know everything and ask what, why and how), imaginative (his imaginative play is improving very quickly) and cunning (using tears to get what he wants).

Neel from TASS came today (the last time we saw her was a week before Christmas). She was really pleased to see the changes in Alex and especially impressed with his potty training success. We told her about Alex's recent changes in behavior and she said it's really good that he is making his own mind and knows what he wants. This is definitely a good change.

We also discussed a few things mainly about obtaining a Special Education Need Statement for Alex. She said we should push hard for Rainbow Resources if we feel strongly that Rainbow is the right place for Alex. If the panel agrees with our view, the Council will have to provide enough funding for Rainbow to start a new class in September 2008. That's good right?

Anyway, we were also told that the Area SENCO has temporarily stop Inclusion service on Wednesdays because Alex is having his SALT (Speech and Language Therapy) at nursery. The reason because it's costly to do both at the same time. I could see their point and it's also quite stressful for Alex when he has to do both on the first day back at nursery after a long weekend.

It costs the Council GBP 35.00 per child/session on SALT and on average, a child like Alex requires at least 5 sessions per term. Inclusion costs roughly the same and again around the same amount of sessions per term.

Neel will arrange a meeting with everyone involved with Alex including myself to discuss a new IEP (Individual Education Plan) for 2008.

Alex achieved almost all the targets created for year 2007 - able to feed himself, drinking from open cup and potty training. I must say that credit must be given to those working in Teddies as well. Alex gained a lot from going to nursery and they are really good when it comes to working with parents.

Looking back, it was an uphill struggle when I first started blogging. Potty training was the main dilemma, then came the diagnosis, after that - the acceptance and finally changing our thinking made a huge difference in Alex.

I felt so much lighter now ...... not because I lost weight due to running around after him asking if he needs to pee every so often but because my son is able to do things for himself. To me, potty training is the final milestone to achieve ...... I know, it's a long way to go .... still. But each achievement is like a piece of the puzzle - completing the big picture.

Well, this is the last time I will write about poo and pee ;-)

Alex is officially potty trained. Dry during the day and will tell us when he wants to go.

No more Pampers yeah!

Potty trained in one week - not bad at all.

While filling in Alex's school admission application form two weeks ago, I was so worried that he would still be in nappy by the time he starts Reception class in 2009. Maybe this is one of the reasons that I am determined to get him trained.

I can hear the cash register sound in my head again ..... Ker Ching ...... the amount we save on nappies. I think I will use the money we save on music lesson for Alex.

I know he loves music but I am not sure which instrument would be easier for him to start with. I personally like piano or violin, but piano requires strong fingers. Alex may find it difficult because his fine motor movements are quite weak.

It's just a thought.

My sleeping Prince.

Alex had three adjustments so far and I can definitely see improvement in his sleeping pattern. He has been sleeping through the night since early this week. Going to bed at 7:00pm and waking around 6:00am to 7:00am.

He is also more social and emotional. He will say hello or bye without being prompted where previously, we had to ask him to. Only recently, he will cry when we say "No" to him and try to play the emotional card whereas, he would just accept a "no" in the past.

His imaginative play also improved (I bought him a set of toy toaster with teapot, cups, saucers and spoons) - he will put the cup to his mouth and pretend to drink. He will also stir with spoon as if he is mixing the drink. When I ask him for toast, he will take it out of the toaster and put it on a plate for me. He will also play more with his other toys instead of displaying them in rows.

Yesterday, when Alex had his third adjustment, Caroline told me that his neck now feels normal compared to when she first saw him. She will need to work on other areas now and we booked another two appointments for next week.

I am so grateful to her and I know she really wanted to help.

I would NEVER have thought I'll do this.

I bought a child toilet seat (one of those that you fit on a standard toilet) yesterday from Mothercare. The reason behind ..... hygiene. I would never sit on public toilets unless I am really desperate for a number two. Even then, I would take time to lay at least two layers of toilet paper to cover the entire seat. I can't put my son on a dirty seat every time he needs to go?

Alex has been really good when we go out - he would tell me when he needed to go and even if he doesn't, I will ask him and take him to the toilet to avoid an accident. Buying the seat make so much sense and at the least, I know for sure that he is not sitting on a dirty toilet.

We started using the seat today and I can definitely say it's money well spent.

This was sent to me by Alex's Chiropractor, Caroline.

http://www.icpa4kids.org/research/chiropractic/autism.htm

Case studies on children diagnosed with various conditions including Autism, ADHD, Asthma, learning disabilities and even Tourette Syndrome benefiting from Chiropractic.

Alex has two adjustments to date and according to Caroline during his last visit on Monday, there were improvements to his neck and back.

He went to bed at 7:00pm last night and slept through the night until 6:00am this morning. This is definitely an improvement because in the past, he would wake at about 11:00pm and then play for 3 hours before he goes back to sleep.

Alex did well with his potty training. Do you think there's a relation to the adjustments? I would say there are possibilities but time will tell.

Check this out

http://users.telenet.be/leukelinks/flash/queen.htm

Cute!

Day 5 of Potty Training

Dry all day ....... yippee!

It's a busy day for Alex today. Woke up at 7:00am and then breakfast, get dressed and straight to nursery by 8:30am.

Today is the first day of Speech and Language Therapy at nursery. Angie worked with him for 20 minutes and then had a long chat with me after that. She was really impressed with his development.

We discussed if we should continue with PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System) and I told her that we don't really need that because Alex is communicating fine with us. His problem is with speech and sound. She decided that we will try Jolly Phonics with him next week and Catherine, his key carer will also work with him once a week on the same. Catherine was really surprised by the level of understanding that Alex has. Of course I was not surprised because he has been doing it will us at home for some time.

Wednesday is definitely a busy day for this little boy. SALT (Speech and Language Therapy) and then Inclusion with Amanda followed by exercise class.

After nursery, I toke him to town centre for lunch at Burger King while waiting for our next appointment to see Rebecca for SALT Assessment. She spent roughly about 20 minutes with us and asking Alex standard questions from a book to assess his level of understanding. Alex was not paying attention most of the time but when prompted to pay concentrate he did better.

Base on his score, he is at the level of 30 to 42 months (2.5 to 3.5 years) but because we knew it was a long day for him and that he wasn't concentrating like he should, he would be at the level of 4 years to 4.5 years - that is very very good. He knows the meaning of heavy, heavier and heaviest which impresses Rebecca. Alex is turning four next month and this meant that his level of understanding surpassed his age.

While still at the SALT centre, Alex wanted to poo and I took him to the toilet but because the toilet was way bigger than him, he can't do it comfortably. Then I told him to hold until we get home.

As soon as we got home (15 minutes later), he ran upstairs to the toilet and I helped him with his pants.

He did it!

He was so happy that he did it and loved every minute of the praise I gave him.

Well done Alex! Mummy love you so much.

Someone commented that my recent blog is full of crap and pee.

Well, he is right and here's another lot of poo until Alex is potty trained.

It's Day 4 of Potty Training - he has been dry all day today and even asked to go to the toilet. I am so proud of him and there isn't a word in the dictionary to describe my feeling at the moment.

There is however, a little surprise in the shower for Jeremy this evening. I put Alex on the loo and asked him to poo but he pointed at the shower cubicle and asked for a "Baah" meaning shower. I said "you have to poo or pee before you can have your baah". He immediately did a pee and then climbed off the toilet and went straight into the shower. I had to go downstairs for a drink as I haven't had one for the last three hours and asked Jeremy to shampoo him. The minute he opened the shower door, he screamed "Oh My God! Oh Alexxxx ......" I ran upstairs and see what the commotion is about and there it was, a blob of poo in the shower cubicle.

I was quite calm about the whole thing and told Alex that he cannot do it in the shower and only to do it on the toilet next time. I think he understood what I said but I wasn't sure. We'll just have to find out later.

Potty training is definitely about timing and also to consider the mental age of the child. A year ago, when Alex was turning three - that's when I started blogging, he wasn't ready for it. We gave up in the end and never really got back on track.

Because of his developmental delay, he is currently at the mental age of 18 to 22 months. For a neuro-typical child, this is the right age to potty train. Although it's hard work for the first two days of the training, I am not as stressed as the last time. Carrying him up and down put quite a bit of pressure on my back but I persevered. I think I am reaping the benefit now as he has been dried all day.

For those readers who have a special need child, don't give up because you will be so happy when you finally succeed.

Kaboom and Plop!

What an explosive day! ha ha ha

I saw him standing real still and asked if he wanted to pee, the usual "No" was the answer but I knew well that he needed to do something, scooped him up real fast and ran him up the loo.

As soon as he sat on the toilet, he had a grimace on his face ..... and then the loud explosion, a smell and then a plop.

Ker Ching ..... felt like I just won the Jackpot. Expecting a number one but I got a number one and two at the same time .... ha ha ha

You should see the sight of relief on his face .... he was not expecting this himself but he felt good doing it out of the nappy.

He had a few accidents throughout the day though when I was busy doing other things, just didn't catch him on time. I felt like a paranoid mum most of the time but I supposed most mum's gone through the same.

You won't appreciate your mum until you are one yourself. Think of those times when she had to clean after every accidents, every puke, everything that you cannot imagine yourself doing. My mum ? Multiply that by Five.

Well, mum .... thanks for everything.

It's exhausting!

It's Day One of Alex's proper potty training today. The first half day, I had to monitor him every 15 minutes, checked his (you know what) to see if he needed to pee. I asked him but he will always say "No" in defiance but as soon as I put him on the toilet, he peed. He's getting quite good at it except the "Mummy, I need to pee" part. He wouldn't tell me that he wanted to go .....

The second half of the day is every 30 minutes. He has been so used to doing it a little at a time in his nappy, it takes time to adjust to the idea that he can do it all at once and not so frequent.

I hope tomorrow will be easier. I could feel my body aching going up and down, in and out of the toilet all day. Lets hope he gets the idea real soon and potty trained by the end of the month.

He had his first Chiropractic treatment yesterday. He went to bed early at about 7:00pm and then woke at 11:00pm - played a bit and then back to sleep at 1:30am. Woke up at 7:30am this morning and was ultra talkative, making a lot of noises and singing all morning. I am not sure if these are due to the treatment or he has been doing it all along and I only noticed this today, because I am making a record of his progress.

One thing I noticed was that he's less tensed. In the past, when I carry him upstairs (when he fell asleep on my lap), he would go all tensed and his body will stretch so long that it's hard to carry him. But, last night was different ..... he was so relaxed and it's much easier to carry him.

His next treatment is on Tuesday next week and I will also be getting a free assessment from Caroline. I have been having backache and neck ache for sometime but like most mums, I don't complain and get on with things ignoring the pain. I should get it checked out and be sure it's nothing serious.

I don't want to wake up one day and find out that it's incurable because I didn't do anything about it earlier. When the body aches or you feel pain, it's a sign that something is not right with your body.

Next week onwards, we will all be very busy because of the long awaited "NAS Early Bird Programme". Jeremy and I will be attending this every week until April.

Alex's Speech and Language Therapy at nursery (I arranged this earlier with Angie, so that his carers at the nursery could attend and practice with him) and Assessments from different departments for Special Education Need statementing will all be happening in the same week.

On top of that, he has Chiropractic treatment twice a week, potty training ..... my oh my ....... my diary is so full, I just don't know what else I can fit in.

One word sums up the first quarter of 2008 ...... EXHAUSTION!

Alex received his first party invitation today.

I am quite excited for Alex but worry at the same time. He hasn't been to a party before and I do not know what to expect. I can't leave him there and then pick him up later like most mums do - I think. I guess, we'll just have to find out ourselves - there's always a first time.

I called Joseph's mum to RSVP and said we will see her then.

The weather's turned really cold. It's snowing heavily in Scotland and some part of England too. No sign of snow in Bracknell but the wind factor brings the brrrrrrrrrrr out of me. I found myself hugging my duvet all day even with the heating on.

To make things worse, heating our home will be even more expensive in 2008 because of the oil prices - it was announced in the news today that raw oil prices has reached the USD 100 per barrel mark. One major energy provider NPOWER announced their intention to raise energy prices but have not reached an agreement as to how much they intended to raise. Some experts estimated a 15% increase. Not good!

There are of course some good news too - for consumer that is ...... Consumer Electrical Group DSG Retail Ltd who owns Dixon, Currys and PC World announced a poor sales performance during the Christmas season - this means, there's gonna be a BIG sale soon. Well, it makes no difference to me as we have everything we need at the moment.

It's nice to know that I am still in touch with the world - I don't want to be one of those stay at home mums that are too busy to stay in touch with the outside world. I want to be able to have a clever conversation with people when we get invited somewhere.

Alex is starting his Chiropractic treatment tomorrow afternoon and I will need to make notes of the changes and improvements.

Watch this space.

You know it would be a good year with a start like this.

Alex peed in the toilet today - make that twice. Yeah .......

I was thinking of starting potty training again sometime next week but today's achievement is by chance. I was changing his nappy when I saw that he may need to pee, I asked him "Alex, do you want to pee?" he said "hmmm hmmm" meaning yes, so I put him on the toilet and he did his business. Wow, I was so excited that I called Jeremy at work to tell him. The ever practical Jeremy started to count the amount of money we will save without nappy.

Later, after he woke from his nap, I asked him again if he wanted to pee and again he said yes. I put him on the loo and he did it again. Twice! Yessssssssssss..........

What a happy new year!

I can't believe it's new year's eve today.

In another 4 hours and 46 minutes, it would be 2008. We've just finished dinner - leftovers from Boxing Day and we've done the Wednesday lotto as well. You'll never know when your luck comes and for a Chinese, the number 8 is an auspicious number. I believe 2008 will be a good year for us.

We've not been out of the front door all day today and yesterday. Just felt like "chilling out" for a change as we've always rush about when Jeremy's off from work. It seemed like we have been doing the same old thing each week and got really tired of it. The problem with Jeremy is, he felt that if we don't go anywhere when he's off from work it's like wasting his days. I told him that the whole idea of "off days" are to rest. He get stressed and in a really bad mood when he doesn't have enough rest, then he takes it out on me. I call those his "Male PMS" and ignore them most of the time.

Two days ago, I had enough. I was having my PMS (as well) and got really tired of always on the receiving end. I told him, if you love someone, no matter how bad a mood you are in or how sick or uncomfortable you are, you never, NEVER take it out on the person you love. This is call RESPECT. I don't take it out on him or Alex when I am not well, or tired or having my PMS? I control my action because I know, if I say something I don't mean, I cannot take it back because it's already out there. I had an apology and a promise that he will bear that in mind - and try (fingers crossed) not to do it again.

Now, that's one loose end tied in 2007 and looking forward to a stress free Jeremy in 2008. Having said that, he starts his year by working a twelve hour shift again tomorrow. Waking up at 5:30am, leaving for work in a cold and icy road, greeted by a noisy and busy airport and starts his shift at 7:00am. So, how stress free can that be?

It's a tradition that everyone makes a New Year resolution every year hoping that we will keep at least 50% of what we supposedly planned. Well, here goes ......

1. Visit somewhere different each time Jeremy has his "off days";
2. Restart my web designing course and stick to it routinely;
3. Lose one dress size;
4. OK ....... routinely clean the house (he he he); and
5. Do the laundry more than once a week;

So, priority will go to the first two if I can only achieve 50% of my resolution. Looks like "Hasta L'Vista" to losing weight and house chores (ha ha ha).

I don't know what else I want to change as I am really contented with life. I am grateful that we have roof over our head, food on the table, our health (although, we've been sick quite a bit, but we don't have a life threatening illness), our family, our friends and people who really care about Alex.

If I could make a wish for New Year, I wished that all my family and friends will have good health and contentment in their lives.

A toast to Good Health, Life, Love and Happiness.

Happy New Year everyone.

Tis a season to be jolly (not) when you still have the stinking post nasal drip from your last cold.

It's 3:00am and I am all awake. I was awaken by my cough trying to get rid of this little piece of hostile mucus stuck at the back of my throat. I almost choked at one point and got up a few times to say "hello" to the sink.

I am not going to bore you or myself with much detail but concentrate on the nice things of the season.

Well, the weather's turned mild once again (after weeks of between 2-3 degrees Celsius and occasional minus degree to 13 degrees last night). I don't know how accurate it was but I have this fancy gadget on my new Microsoft vista O/S giving me real time local temperatures.
How cool is that? (OK maybe not so if you already have something like that on yours for ages but it's something quite new to me).

It's nice, not too cold and not too warm. My little Alex is sleeping nicely while I update my blog.

Christmas Day (25 December)

Jem's working and I took Alex to his grandparents to spend Christmas afternoon together.

"Nana" that's what Alex calls his grandmother made a simple turkey meal for three -we had our proper Christmas celebration two weeks ago because my sister in law Sue is going to Tenerife for Christmas. (This is the only time of the year where she gets a breather as her work has been hectic for the past few years. She co-owned a catering employment agency with her business partner whose semi-retired and lives in Spain.)

Watched some Television together, Alex fell asleep on my lap and I had a hard time trying to breathe with a little boy laying against my chest. We left soon after as it got dark and rather wet.

Jeremy walked in the door looking tired after a twelve hour shift with only three staff working in his department. (The airport had been a "nightmare" heaving with holiday makers trying to get out of the country. The airlines are trying to get as many people in as possible as there were some flights cancelled a few days ago, due to the fog.)

I let him chill at the couch with a glass of brandy coke. Went to bed knackered.

Boxing Day (26 December) - 2nd day of Christmas

We had my friend Amelia, my cousin June and their family over for Christmas lunch. Never been so tired as I was cooking for six adults and three children. Two chickens with stuffing, 5kg of Gammon with pineapple, Brussels sprouts with chestnuts and bacon, sausage with bacon, broccoli, roast parsnip and roast potatoes. Oh oh oh .... not to mention Gravyyyyy (I love gravy). You guessed it, lots of leftovers.

Looking at those leftovers gave me a headache but the problem was solved immediately when we had such great time playing monopoly that it soon turned to dinner time. I cooked "Chow Mien" with the leftover chicken, sausages and gammon.

Our guests left at 10:30pm. It was tiring but we had great fun. Jeremy's been great - I was yacking (all of us yacking at the same time) all night with the girls while the men watched Tom Hank's Terminal on tv drinking wine and beer. The children played with Alex's many toys and we managed to off load some of his new toys to Anson and Brenda as we know he won't be playing with them.

Alex was really happy with so many people around. He refused his lunch and dinner but snacked on occasional Pringles, cakes and biscuits. What the heck - tis a season to be jolly!

(27 December) - 3rd day of Christmas

Went out to Dfs and Land of Leather to see what the big hoo hars about. NO Big Deal! They only put out what they want you to buy in the so called "massive landslide deal". We knew better as the set that I laid eyes on wasn't there but all the old "Al Cheapo" ones. Massively disappointed but hey ...... everyone else is happy parting with their cash ..... if only they knew!

I was told by a friend that his brother worked in the furniture industry - here's the trade secret ... (well secret no longer): They raise the prices up in October/November time - six weeks prior to Sale season (the law says products must be sold at a higher price for at least six weeks before they can put a product on Sale) They are well prepared not to sell anything during those periods and then the "big kill" in December and January.

We went around quite a bit to look for new settee in November - the staff were just not interested to entertain us. We decided to wait and see if what we liked will be on sale in December. Looks like, we have to hang on to our old couch for a little longer.

No White Christmas.

I woke up to a wet and dark Christmas morning. I am 38 ...... I don't feel any different.

Still laying in bed is my sweet little boy, half smiling half sleeping.

Alright then! We can't resist, we opened all the presents last night.

It started with me telling Alex to go nap and when he wakes up, daddy will be home and he can open "one" present. Then one turned to two and then ....... you do the maths.

Jeremy is working today, so if we don't open the presents last night, we will have to wait till tonight when Christmas would almost be over.

What did I get for my Birthday? Well, I had my early birthday present from Jeremy when we went to America - a laptop. We decided not to get each other anything because we spent quite a bit for our holidays. But, I had a pleasant surprise last night - "Alex" got me a Michael Buble CD for Christmas and a Piers Morgan's book for my birthday. How did my son know that mummy will love them?

OK, what did Alex get?

• Radio controlled cars from neighbours,
• radio controlled Crane from neighbour (massive),
• cars, more cars from neighbours,
• books, crayons and puzzles from aunt Elaine and aunt Viv (my ex's aunts and now my friends),
• pirate ship from aunt Adrinna,
• train set and aquarium from auntie Sue (Jeremy's sister),
• chocolate from neighbour,
• marble run from aunt Rebecca (mummy's friend),
• books from aunt June (my cousin),
• shoes, guitar and books from Grandma and Grandpa,
• clothes from Grandma Alice and Neville.

The whole lounge is full of cars and Alex's favourite part was tearing the papers off. He had so much fun tearing and seem to be addicted to it. One after the other and the grin on his face makes us laugh so much.

We kept a few of our presents wrapped under the tree to be opened tonight. These are from mummy and daddy.

What a Lucky Boy!

Our front door bell has been rather busy today. A few of our neighbours came by with presents for Alex. All in all, he had five presents from the neighbours, about ten from his grandparents, aunty, cousin and our friends.

Each time we open the front door, Alex would peep out and say "Hi" in his own little way, the hand flapping with excitement and the sweetest smile you've ever seen followed by a "Bye bye" when we are about to close the door. Once indoor, he would hold the present and shake it. He wanted to open them but I said only on Christmas Day and he just leave it as that.

One thing about Alex is he is very good with instructions. When I take him anywhere, he is so well behaved that many people commented on how good he is. It makes me really proud of him.

He doesn't understand what Christmas is yet but I think by next year, he will. By then, we will have to hide all the presents from us until Christmas Eve. I just hope I can make Christmas as magical for Alex as it can be for many children.

I love Christmas, not just because it's my birthday (wink wink) but because, it's the time of the year when family reunites.

Merry Christmas Everyone and I hope Christmas will be "Magical" for you and your family as it has been for me.

Cynicism does not exist in my vocabulary.

We have been really lucky so far - having meeting all the nicest people. Helping Alex in every way they could without hoping for anything in return. The least we could do was sending them each a bottle of wine and a Thank you card.

Today, something good happened.

We took Alex to see Caroline, the chiropractor. She asked me quite a few questions about my birth experience, Alex's development and milestones. Were we concerned about his development before the diagnosis and family history on autism. She then asked Alex to lay on her treatment bed for a spine and neck examination. Alex co-operated throughout the whole process and the result was, his neck is quite tight on the left side. She explained that this may be a result from the 22 hours of long labour.

Before seeing Alex, she spoke to Jeremy about the result from yesterday's consultation and x-ray. Jeremy's spine and neck doesn't look that good and we all agreed that something must be done as he has been suffering for sometime. Painkiller has worn off it's effect for sometime already and Jeremy would try anything to regain his comfort. She recommended two treatments a week for six weeks and then to decide where to go from thereon.

After Alex's examination, she suddenly said "If you don't mind, I would like to work with Alex free of charge. I love working with children and I ..." At that very minute, I felt a lump in my throat and I could feel tears coming out of my eyes but I stopped that in time. I said "that's very kind of you and we would like that". She could start working with Alex when Jeremy goes to see her for his treatment and they could have one session after the other.

Of course some cynical people would say that she just wanted Jeremy's business. I still believe there are goodness in everyone and I never gave up on that philosophy. She could easily said that she will charge Alex at a special rate but she didn't. She wanted to work with Alex because she believe that Chiropractic could help children with autism. She is currently working with two Autistic boys - a five year-old and a seven year-old.

I am deeply touched by her generosity and genuineness. I told her that I did quite a bit of research yesterday about autism and chiropractic. She said that she will email me more reports on the success of treatments on autistic children. I thank her and will see her after the new year.

As we walked out of the clinic, I was in tears. I know that GOD is looking down on us as it is not by chance that I saw the leaflet but I was led to it. I almost did not go to yesterday's appointment with Jeremy because it was so cold but five minutes before Jeremy was about to leave the house, I told him that I will go along. I don't know why but I just felt like going.

I have always said that I am not religious but I believe there is a higher being and that we all have a Guardian Angel looking upon us. I always believe that you should always treat people right and help without hoping for anything in return.

Today I witness the generosity of a stranger and my believe in people finally paid. Many people had done me wrong over the years but, there are far more who has helped me along the way. As long as one believes, it would become a reality one day.

Faith takes us through many a dark tunnel but one must never question if faith existed.

Chiropractic and Autism.

Jeremy went to see the Chiropractor today for an assessment as he has been suffering aches and pains for the last ten years.

While waiting for him, I came across a leaflet on Children benefiting from Chiropractic. It caught my eye when one of the benefits include improvement in children with behavioural problem. It also say that children sleep through the night after the treatment. I thought to myself, yes .... this make sense as the spine is connected to the nervous system.

When the Chiropractor came out, I asked her about the leaflet and if the treatment could help Alex's fine motor movements. She said yes and then surprised me with "I have treated a patient with autism and he started to talk after a few sessions" ( I did not mention to her about autism). I then asked her if she knew that Alex has ASD? She said that she guessed as Alex has some funny mannerism and wasn't talking.

We were so used to Alex that we don't notice his mannerism anymore and only a person who has experience with autistic individuals will pick these up.

We made an appointment for Alex tomorrow and she will do an assessment for free. I came home really excited about this and googled chiropractic and autism. True enough, there were many studies done but never published.

I also came across an article in the Telegraph dated May 2005 on a television presenter's personal experience with his son, diagnosed with Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, ADHD and then Autism.

This is his story: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/main.jhtml?xml=/health/2005/05/26/hchiro26.xml

I can't wait till tomorrow.

Listen with your heart.

There are so many things that my son wanted to tell us but he can't. Through gestures and really listening, I managed to meet all his needs.

Alex has been really close to me lately. He prefers "mumma" most of the time because only "mumma" knows what he wants.

Jeremy was trying to get him to nap this afternoon but failed. He sat with him for almost an hour until Alex screamed for "Mumma". I went upstairs to see what the fuss is about and it turned out that he wanted lip balm on his lips because they cracked and hurt. He has been pointing at his mouth but Jeremy didn't understand what he wanted. He thought he wanted a drink and gave him his juice. As soon as I gave him what he wanted, he went to sleep.

As time goes by, I learned to listen to my son and to encourage interaction, I meet his every demand. It is quite tiring and frustrating to stop doing what you are doing when he wants your attention, I made sure that I don't show my feelings but answer to his request - be it get a snack or play silly games.

I believe that I need to give him the incentive to interact. Just like anyone, if you can't get what you want, what's the point to interacting?

As I was writing this, Alex came to me and led me to the kitchen. He wasn't sure what he wanted, but he held my hand and led me anyway. Once in the kitchen, we played chasing in a circle until we both collapsed from dizziness. It's one of those spontaneous moments we spent and then he saw the fruit cake on the kitchen counter. He pointed at the cake and I said OK and cut him a slice. I then told him to get a fork and he immediately went to the drawer and took one out.

I did not gesture him where to go and did not look over his shoulder to see if he got the right implement but he surprised me with his level of understanding.

Deep down, I know he can understand us and wanted to talk to us but it is neurologically impossible. He is not ready but I know when he is, we will wish he would keep quiet.

Learning disability is certainly not a term to describe Alex.

Although this term is used globally for individual with autism and some may have some form of learning disabilities but I believe the right term should be developmental delay.

Alex certainly learn from what you teach him but only when he is ready to do so. Like any neuro-typical children, if they have not reach the level of understanding for a certain thing, and no matter how many times you try to make them understand, they just cannot. But once they are ready and at the right time, it's called a milestone.

The Education Authority has written to us this week asking us to submit a report as to why Alex need a statement for special education needs. We were told by everyone that we should concentrate on the worst of Alex and not his best in order to get any help.

Everyone is trying to get the most for Alex and I know that, but it's hard to see this in paper when the experts writes about your child being "slow" in his development and he has learning disabilities. If they don't, Alex may not get much help and will fall out of the system completely.

We learnt this from our previous application for Disability Living Allowance. The first time we submitted the application, we were rejected because he was considered not disabled enough - if there is such a term. We failed to emphasise the number of hours we spent doing things for him. Any parent would do anything for their child and not count the hours spent.

We were told by some friends who went through the same situation to resubmit our application -this time to picture the worse days. It was hard to see it on paper but we submitted it anyway.

Two weeks later, we had a letter saying that our application has been successful and he was awarded the middle level DLA. This shows that if you are happy with your situation (no matter how bad), you won't get help unless you admit you cannot cope.

I have no experience bringing up a neuro-typical child and I do not know what Alex should know at his age. All I know is that I have a happy, healthy and intelligent little chap that makes us very happy every minute of the day. We are so proud of him and we love him so much.

It's hard to write a report to say that we are not happy with his development and we need a lot of help to get him where we want him to be.

If only they would award positivity and not penalise.

What a disappointment.

Alex had fever last night and again this morning. He woke up at 3:00am this morning and went back to sleep an hour later. At 9:30am, he woke up - fever gone but after breakfast, his fever returned and we decided to let him rest at home until later in the evening, when we take him to nursery for the Christmas play.

If you tell GOD your plans, he will laugh out loud - things have a way to go pear shaped when you think you have everything planned. Alex didn't nap, the fever came and went ... we had early dinner so that we could go to the play but by 5:00pm, Alex wanted to sleep and his fever returned, we had to call the nursery to let them know that Alex will not be playing the reindeer tonight. We were looking forward to our son's first play but things are never meant to be. First it was going in circles to look for a costume and then, the night before the play, he had fever.

Disappointments aside but I am really worried about this bug going around since our return from Florida. The three of us take turns to be sick - you think you are well and then wham, it's either Alex or Jeremy is sneezing and coughing again.

The weather has been cold, the windows are closed, the radiators are on about 12 hours a day, it's a good environment for the bugs. It's a vicious circle and I am getting really fed up!

I hope we will all get well soon.

Am I getting old?

My throat's dry, I need a drink .......

Went to the kitchen, discovered that all the glasses are in the dishwasher (cleaned) and took one out. Thought to myself, might as well put all the clean stuff away...... one thing lead to another, everything is where it needs to be and then walked out the kitchen .... still thirsty.

I am definitely getting old. Called my mum today and she reminded me that "Winter festival" is on the 22nd of December. I told her I won't be celebrating but she reminded me that I will be one year older whether I celebrate or not. Well, "that's a bugger" I kept reminding myself that I am always a year younger than my peers born in the same year (my birthday is on the 25th) and with this additional one year, I will be FORTY!

Chinese have a way to make one older than they should. You are already one year old the second you come out from your mother's womb. So, on December 22nd, I will be 39 and turn 40 on December 25th. But I should be 38 if you count based on my year of birth - if that make sense?

I feel young inside, I can't act my age, I jump about, dance about and act silly in front of my son. How can I be forty?

I sometimes wonder if other people feel the same? Don't feel their age and age is just a number.

How much does he understand?

I am keeping this as a note for the NAS Early Bird Program.

Alex woke up at 5:30 this morning when Jem was preparing to work. My twinkle toe other half could never be quiet to safe his life - anyway, I was up almost all night coughing my guts out again - yes, I know ..... I am such a whooze? and waking up is not something I want to do this early in a cold winter morning.

I said to Alex, "Go back to sleep" and the ever defiant Alex would say "No" and I lost count of the number of times I said it - the answer was always the same. So, I changed the sequences of the words "Sleep back go", "back go sleep" and "go sleep back" each time, he looked at me in surprise. I wonder if he recognise the word or the way it was said. In this instance, I think it's more the latter as he cannot pick up that the main word is "sleep".

It's quite interesting to know how Alex process information. At times, he seem to understand everything we say and other times, he appeared to have no clue to what we were saying.

Something new to learn everyday.

It's Erin's Birthday today. A Birthday wish for a special 12 year old.

Just in case you wonder why I put a little girl and a dog in the card. Well, when we were playing Monopoly in Florida, Erin bought most of the properties and when we visited her properties, she gave an evil laugh and then said timidly, "I kick puppies". So, that started the whole I kick puppy joke and before we left, we bought her the most adorable poster ever, puppies and she stick it to her wall and will kick one puppy everyday before she goes to school.

Did you enjoy kicking the puppies Erin?

Self portrait of a mad woman.

How do I look? Thought I'll be Santarina this year (he he he)

Winter is here ... (I think)

Well it's cold enough anyway. I had to brave the -3 degree this morning to scrape the ice off the windscreen. Took Alex to nursery and on my way back home, the view of the lake across Alex's nursery was just .... stupendous. Coat of white powdery ice on the grass, fallen autumn leaves on the ground with hinge of red, brown and white. What a magnificent view!

Anyway, got home and grabbed a quick breakfast before we left for Reading again to find a reindeer costume for Alex. He's playing Prancer (I think) in his nursery Christmas play next week. I just can't wait ..... my baby is all grown up. I am not sure if I am allowed to take photos or video of him as the nursery is quite strict with that. Because of data protection and privacy, some parents signed a form that they do not want their children to appear in any photo or video.

I am not sure why they do that but I guess they have their reasons.

Some parents are quite odd, they are highly unfriendly - for example, I pick Alex up at about 1:15pm almost all the time and I tend to bump into the same few mums that pick their kids up at the same time. It's not like we haven't seen each other before, there are just no smile nor acknowledgement towards each other.

My God, our kids are in the same class and we see each other three times a week, what harm is there to nod and smile? I tried smiling to them or make small talk but they just ignore you and talk to their kids like you are not there. Well I tried, I gave up and I just ignore them now. What kind of message do they want to send to their kids? How unfriendly is that? I don't know, perhaps I am old fashion but I will want to bring Alex up as a friendly and polite child.

Back to the costume, we walked the whole of Reading High Street including the Oracles, and guess what? No reindeer costume ...... Jeremy wanted to give up looking but I said "I can't have my son wearing just a brown t-shirt and trousers for his first play?" Other kids, much smaller than him managed to get their costumes from Woolworth but because Alex's much taller, it's quite difficult to find one. Anyway, we finally found one at the party costume shop in Ascot - we passed this quaint little shop all the time but never went in for anything. This shows that Big shops don't always have what you want. Never judge a shop by it's size and appearance.

Lesson learnt and Mission completed.

Adults must listen!

It was zero degree outside this morning and frankly, I don't want to get out of my warm bed. It was freezing and I was tired.

Alex woke up at about 6:45am but he stayed in bed with me until his dad got home at 7:45am. We had a good cuddle and we sang "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and a tickling session - sharing some quality moment together.

When Jeremy got home, Alex got out of bed feeling relief that he doesn't have to cuddle up to mummy (ha ha ha) anymore and off he went to do his usual round downstairs - it's daddy's turn. I was too lazy to get out of bed to sort Alex out and stayed for another ten minutes before little footsteps came running up the stairs. "Mumma, Mumma ...... out there" pointing at the stairs and I said "in a minute, give mummy a minute" then off he went. You know what it's like, minute turned to two and then longer than I thought.

It must have been five minutes later when I smelt toast or something along that. I looked on my left and Jem was asleep ..... so, where did that smell come from? I ran downstairs and "Oh my GOD!" the hallway was a mess, he tipped all the boxes over from under the stairs - it was all over the floor. The kitchen door was shut but the smell got stronger ... I opened the door and the stove was smoking. He had the cereal containers on the ceramic hob and must have accidentally activated the heat on the ring .... the plastic cereal container melted with the coco pops in them. The cereal caramelised and the kitchen smelt of toast and plastic melt.

It's amazing how I kept my cool. Jeremy got up to help clean the kitchen and opened up all the windows. I was too busy to feel cold but I realised it was my fault. I should have listened to Alex when he called for me.

He is gaining independence everyday. He wanted to make his own breakfast by laying out all the cereals and bowls. The only thing that he can't do was get the milk from the fridge. He had to ask for help on that one. If he could, he would have made his own breakfast all by himself.

Funny way to look at this incident, if I hadn't laze about, I wouldn't discover that my son is so independent. Note to self, find solution for the knobs on the stove - it can be activated too easily. Anything could have happened - he could have burnt himself and that could be worse.

There goes, adult must listen!

I just realised how much I needed Jeremy.

Today is a day that I will never forget.

It all started with the Stew - I was planning to cook Chicken Stew and wanted to know if Jem wanted any. I dialled his mobile number and a message from the other end said that his phone was not on. OK, maybe he is working in a tunnel and there wasn't any signal. I called 15 minutes later, the same message - OK, maybe he is in a meeting and turned the phone off. An hour turned to two and then three and four - all in all, I lost count of the number of times I called him and ended with the same message.

It's unlike him to turn his phone off as Schedulers will phone him throughout the day for jobs. All sort of things started to run in my brain. Has something bad happened to him? He went to work very early this morning - it's dark, cold and wet - was there an accident?

I am not the panicky type (I think) but you can't blame me because earlier this week, he received a letter from the insurance company confirming his entitlement in the event something untoward happened. He said that Alex and I will be well taken care of if he dies - and I said, don't be silly - I will not be happy even if I am the richest woman without you.
Then last night, he came home from work and said "I missed you, today" - OK, he doesn't say that normally. I was really surprised by that.

So, what do you expect me to think? I was almost out of my mind until I finally got through to him. It turned out that his phone battery was dead and he was surprised that it didn't ring all day. What a relief but at the same time, I could kill him for this!

I don't know what will happen to us if he is not here. I think I am beginning to rely on him too much and this worries me. I may never find another person that I love so much and so in-sync with. He is after all the love of my life and I hope that day will never come - I will be devastated and heart broken.

He came home and apologised for making me worried but also (insulted me) by saying "I am sorry but I never thought that you are so insecure?" Now that is a bit much right? I am not insecure, I am just worried and it also made me realise how much I wanted to walk hand in hand with him for the rest of my life. He didn't mean to insult me but it's a wake up call - I should not rely on him too much!

Well, the Chicken Stew never made it to the oven and you guess it ... it's tomorrow's dinner!

Thinking in pictures.

I am reading this book "Thinking in Pictures" written by an Autistic inventor, Temple Grandin and I finally understand how my son thinks.

Every page I turned gave a new look at how I should communicate with Alex. Not every autistic person thinks the same but most high functioning autistic individual thinks in picture. A neuro-typical person like me would think thoughts in words or text, (how Grandin would put it) but to her and many others, they relate words with images. They think in pictures.

A good example is when I asked Alex if he is hungry, he looks at me blankly trying to understand what I am saying. But as soon as I asked him "Do you want cereal?", he will answer me yes or no. I could see why now because he cannot picture hunger but he can when you gave him an option. He can see cereal in his mind and that is why he gave me an answer. The same goes with, "Do you love mummy?" he looks at me like I have horns on my head but when I say, "Can mummy have a hug?" he will not think twice to give me one.

Understanding what goes inside his mind make things a lot clearer. I wished I read this book earlier - I bought this book six months ago and you know what it's like - when you put it away in a book shelf, it stays there until you have nothing else to read. It's not too late and if I start thinking in pictures, I could communicate better with Alex.

The decorations are finally up!

It's been a very productive day for us today. Although it's been raining almost all day, we managed to visit Kennel Lane in the morning and then went to Bracknell town centre to get some Christmas cards. We had our coffee and tea at Waterstones (Bookstore - strange but the best coffee are always in a bookstore - wonder why?) and then to Longacre to get a wreathe, a Christmas tree and a few toys for Alex. Picked the boy up from nursery and back home to decorate the house. Didn't realise we did this much until I sat down to compose my blog.

What are our thoughts about Kennel Lane?

The facilities are amazing and the teachers are enthusiastic. There are plenty of space for the children to move about, a swimming pool shared by the Primary and the Secondary school. Sensory room, soft gym area, workstations and more. In short, there is nothing that we can find to complain about the school BUT ...... we cannot see Alex in this school.

Why? Because, the children that we saw today are all with severe learning difficulties. Perhaps as parents, we don't see our children like others but we know what we feel about the school and we know that if we place Alex in Kennel Lane, he will regress rather than progress. Although the facilities and support are there, we feel that mainstream school is more for Alex than a Special Need school.

Of all the schools and resource centre that we saw, we still feel that Rainbow is a better option. Unfortunately, they are not able to accept new pupils. I will try to speak to Neel and see if she could twist a few arms to get Alex in.

A rush of adrenalin ..... (I think)

As I said, we went to Bracknell town centre to get some Christmas cards. Went into WH Smiths and chose a few pack of cards - we took it slow and walk about the store and suddenly ...... the fire alarm rang and we were told to leave the unpaid items at the till and leave the Mall. I have never seen an evacuation so slow ..... people walked to the nearest exit and still window shopping. So, we went to the bookstore instead to get our coffee and cards from Clinton. Went back to the Mall an hour later to collect our car but still don't know what the drama is all about.

Lights lights lights

What do you do with a live Christmas tree? You decorate it and then decorate some more. We put up Christmas lights on the windows, along the gutter with running lights, on the Christmas tree and put the wreathe on the door. It looks good but we need more lights. I am going to B&Q to get more this week.

All in all, we have a dramatic and productive day!

It's still raining out there!

I seemed to have lost my energy for everything. I am supposed to get all excited about decorating the Christmas tree .... blah ... I feel yuck all over.

We had the Christmas tree down from the attic and it's now at the corner of the room. Jeremy's put the lights on but I haven't the mood nor the energy to decorate it. I had this fancy idea a few days ago to decorate it with Jem and Alex - then we take turns to film it on video and make a music video of the event.

This grey sky and yucky weather is taking all the fun out of a person. It's neither cold nor warm - it's one of those in-betweens where you can't wear the nice winter clothing nor the smart autumn coats. Urghhhh I want to scream!

Anyway, I am sure something good will come out of this - just like everything else. Remember my dodgy stomach episode two weeks ago ... and the cough? Well, the good thing is .... I lost one dress size and I kinda like it and will keep it that way.

I think I may have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) - growing up in a country with plenty of sunshine, we tend to take things for granted. Boy, if I really do have SAD, I am glad I am not in Sweden or Norway. I wouldn't have survived.

Talking about Sweden, I quite like the country. Been to Gottenburg once with my ex for one day I think .... and visited museums and walk about town. I didn't have many picture of that trip or any trip that I have been with my ex. He is a trained photographer and all he is ever interested in was taking photos of landscapes and everything else but human! We always have fights over it and I cannot say I enjoyed any one holiday with him. We've been to quite a few countries in Europe but no pictures. He brought his camera but no us in any of the photos. It's like that chapter of my life with him doesn't exist.

I am sure it's not easy on him as well - we are both very different people. I used to believe that opposites attracts .... yeah right ... only magnets do but .... relationships ... it is better to be "samey" because you want to enjoy things together as a couple and not fight each other all your life. It's OK to have an argument every now and then but fighting every time we go for a holiday? It's exhausting!

So glad that Jeremy and I don't have this problem and I hope my past have taught me something.

Urgghhh .... it's the second of December today!

Where did time went? It's twenty three days to Christmas, and then another seven to 2008. We have decided to decorate BIG TIME for Christmas this year, to celebrate all the good things in life and ..... I am turning 38 on Christmas day!

Isn't that wonderful? Ha ha ha

Alex said "Hello" very clearly yesterday when Jeremy walked in the door. He also said "Go Home" when we were at his grandparents' house. His speech is coming along and I suspect he can say those words when he wants to. As soon as you ask him to repeat, he clamped up and hum the sound of the word.

He discovered Garfield and is hooked. Thanks to his Grandmother .... (ha hah a) we could memorise the scenes of both movies and backwards too. He had to watch at least twice a day and when he wants Garfield, he has this very cute grin on his face. We knew what he wanted and we gave in - who can resist that cute little button nose?

He wants Garfield again ..... as I am writing this. It's a feel good show I must admit and Bill Murray did a great job with Garfield's voice. It reminded me so much of Bill, my brother in law - the way he talks, the sarcasm (playfully) and even the way Garfield laid on the couch, looked like Bill. I didn't imagine that, Jeremy noticed that too when we first watch the show.

Anyway, it's been raining for three days now and I really hope it will stop in the next two days - just so we could put the Christmas decoration outside. I just love to look at Jeremy's face when I said "let's put an inflatable Santa on our front yard and rein deers and sleigh with lots of light above the garage". It's hilarious to watch his face when I said that ..... "No ... no .... no way". Where is the spirit of Christmas?

We both believe less is more and if we over do it, it's going to look bad. We like it simple and yet festive. Two years ago, I put a live Christmas tree outside our front door with some ornaments and lights - it looked good. So, I am going to the Garden centre in the next few days to get a nice tree for outside and take the artificial tree from the attic for inside. Yes, Alex .... we need a fake tree inside.

I am just so excited. I am like a kid when it comes to decorating the Christmas tree. Twenty Three Days to Christmas!