Here's a snippet of our wedding ceremony yesterday.

Everything that you expect a wedding to be .... forget it!

It all started with me walking down the aisle towards Jeremy and the Registrars. (I stayed at the hotel on Friday night because I didn't want Jeremy to see me in my dress.) When I entered the room and walking towards Jeremy, the look on his face started a little giggle in me. He has the most serious face (I found out later that he wanted to stop himself from crying in front of his friends, hence the serious face) I have ever seen in the five years we've been together.

When the Registrar asked us to hold hands and confirm our names, I could not stop giggling. All my friends/guests thought I was crying/sobbing as I had my back facing them. And then, I burst out laughing and the whole room laugh with me. The Registrar looked at me in horror and asked if I was alright. I said "I am drunk". I don't know why I said that but it was all recorded in our wedding video. (I had a small glass of champagne in my room before the ceremony to calm my nerve. Since I am not a regular drinker, I get rather tipsy with just a sip of alcohol.)

Then came the question (watch video).

When we gave each other our ring as a promise to respect and love, it was again another moment of laughter. The whole room burst into laughter when Jeremy put the ring on my finger. You have to watch the video to understand what a day we had. Even the very serious Registrar made a joke to complete our fun-filled afternoon.

After the Reception, a few of our friends joined us for drinks at home and watched the wedding video together. And then, they knew why I laughed.

Adrinna made a very touching toast. She cried, I cried, my make-up smudged and I really appreciate her flying all the way to attend our wedding.

Yesterday was the best day in my life. I married the love of my life, we had with us ... those closest to our heart and it was a beautiful day.

Thunder tights, Bingo wings and Jelly belly. What do they have in common?

They reside on my body! I am getting married to the love of my life in two days time and am wondering if Thunder, Bingo and Jelly will miraculously disappear and make me the most beautiful woman for the day.

I was looking at myself in the mirror the other day and tutted while pinching my excesses. Jeremy walked in and said, "you sure look different now compared to when we first met." I looked at him, he very quickly added "there's more to love now". I just could not stop laughing.

I am not offended with his remarks as I tend to agree. I used to spend hours looking after myself before Alex. Since motherhood, the last thing you have in mind is spend hours doing your own manicure and pedicure - I couldn't find the energy.

I know I should take care of myself but after a whole day of getting things done and with Alex to take care of, it's a very different story. The heart is willing but the body is not.

After five years of being together, we decided to make things formal. Jeremy's mum been asking us for years and we think it's about time to tie loose ends.

I am in no doubt that I found "the" one as Jeremy's been a great friend, lover and dad. He makes me laugh, he makes me cry, he makes me mad but at the end of the day, I have never been happier.

Alex will be our page boy and I just wonder if he knows what is happening. It's not a big wedding but most of our guests will have a long way to travel. My sister Adrinna will be my bridesmaid, she is flying in from Tampa and my friend, Tammy will be our witness and she will be driving 3 hours from Shropshire.

I will post videos and pictures of our wedding next week. Meanwhile, this will be the only blog for this week until after the wedding.

NOW or NEVER!

Alex will not take NO or WAIT for an answer. He won't take any nonsense if he wants something done NOW.

This morning, he came to our room at 6:30am and gave me a big hug. He then said "Ma ma Juice". I was half asleep and looked at him with one eye opened. "Wait, mummy's still sleeping".

Alex said "No" and pull me up. I then said "Give kiss and then mummy wake up". He said "No" again.

I then said "No Kiss? then ... go get it yourself". In a nano second, he was up, climbed over me, ran downstairs.

I heard some appliance opened, I thought it was the fridge and then ran downstairs. Guess what I saw? He had his bottle in his hand and looked at me with a smile.

I had to laugh and gave him a big hug. I don't know how he knew that the clean bottles are in the dishwasher. But he knew.

Don't underestimate Alex! He is one four year old with some character.

I am my own enemy.

Am I crazy or what? I suffer from Hay fever and is massively allergic to plants. What do I do? I go to the garden centre and get myself a few pots of Gerbera and plot them around the house. I love Gerbera and I love flowers but they don't like me.

I will just have to sneeze my head off as these vicious beautiful things call flowers cheers me up.

We had our final EarlyBird meeting yesterday. This meeting is to follow-up with our progress after our completion of the EarlyBird course three months ago.

A guest speaker was invited. Meretta Hawkins, the ASSC (Autistic Spectrum Social Communication) Coordinator for our area explained the services they provide.

The role of ASSC is to work flexibly with schools at two levels: firstly, a whole-school focus on staff awareness and skills; secondly, to give advice and support for individual pupils.

ASSC provide:

• School based training in Social Communication Difficulties including Autistic Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and related issues.
• Advice on strategies and approaches for individual pupils.
• Short term enhanced support for the planning and implementation of programmes in schools.
• Close collaboration with parents, carers and other professionals.

This gives us all a very positive feeling about sending our children to mainstream school knowing that staff are trained and supported to work with our children.

I cannot stress enough time, how lucky we are to live in this area as support for Special Needs are just amazing. I read and hear about parents having to go to court to fight the council to get basic help for their children and yet we don't hear such cases in our area.

It's really a postcode lottery when it comes to getting services for all sorts in this country, I guess. The media regularly complain about NHS, Social Services and the Councils on how inefficient they have been and how some people are treated unfairly etc etc.

Why do they not also report the good things they achieved?

Internet connection out all day ..... end of the world!

I come to rely on the Internet so much that I cannot imagine what it was like before www.

Anyway, we received the Speech and Language Therapy Treatment Plan for Alex yesterday. Here's what they intend to do with Alex ...

Programme Aims:

1. Develop Alex's receptive language skills

2. Develop and extend Alex's expressive language skills

Baseline:

1. Alex is able to understand a 2 information carrying word level

2. Alex uses some single words to request and will attempt to repeat labels after an adult

3. Alex says "bye bye" meaningfully

Objectives:

1. To be able to understand at a 3 information carrying word level

2. To be able to use a range of single words to name objects, request and comment

3. To begin to use early verbs

4. To say "hello" to staff and peers with meaning

* We were given a list of games to play with Alex to encourage a 3 information carrying word level.

I would have thought talking comes naturally but in Alex's case, he need to learn how to make sound opening his mouth. He hums a lot and you know he wants to talk but his brain has a different idea. His brain need to tell him to open his mouth to make the sound.

When I walk around town watching children talking at a very young age, it makes me laugh and sometimes, their mother ask them to "SHUT UP!". What the mum don't know is how lucky she was. She don't have a child who can't/don't talk.

We never appreciate what we have and often take things for granted. I guess Alex taught me a lot of things.

Things seldom happen naturally and if it does, we should appreciate it.

Here's an example of what we had to put up with.

It's impossible to keep the house tidy! When we put things back to their places, Alex will start building another line. He calls them train tracks.

His quirkiness due to autism is getting more apparent each day. He used to line his toys in rows but now, he will line anything that he sees, not just toys (as you can see in the video) but books, towel and practically anything that is on his way.

Unlike many children with autism, he allows us to move his stuff and not even make a fuss. When Sam, another EarlyBird trainer came to see us, she saw Alex's row of toys and tread very slowly, afraid that she might mess them up. I told her that it's OK, Alex doesn't mind.

She said it's really good that Alex is flexible, she has seen many children and they will throw a huge tantrum just because one of their toys are out of place.

I supposed his flexibility is due to our not giving in too much to him. We will allow occasional tantrums but once he cross the line, we will tell him "it's enough" and he will stop immediately. We love Alex to bits but we don't mollycoddle him too much but then again what is enough and too much? We'll just have to follow our instincts.

Two days ago, Alex decided that a Satsuma is a "train" and he pushed it around his "Thomas the Tank tracks". The end result, orange peel and juice all over the tracks and carpet - that gave me a very good reason to clean his toys.

Now that's what I call influencing someone to do things!

My knight and shinning armour ....

Talking about men trying to help .... a Damsel in distress? ha ha ha

Jeremy came home from work chirpy and funny this morning. Looked like the airport wasn't that busy last night. So, when he is not tired, he is the most loveable guy you've ever met. But when he is tired, you wished you'll never see him again. He is one extreme from another and knowing him like I do, I would not change a single thing about him. He is after all the love of my life .... (here's where you're supposed to say awwww ...)

Anyway, he made a funny face pulling his tongue out at me and wiggle it about. I then said "So, you think you are one of those Kivian?" He looked at me and said "What do you mean?" I said "you know? those natives from New Zealand? like those rugby players?"

"Oh you mean Kiwian. It's KIWIAN not Kivian" he said. All of a sudden, it struck me, the natives are called Maori and Kiwian does not exist in the dictionary.

I started laughing out loud and roll over. He looked at me all puzzled. I told him and he looked at me and said "I was only trying to help!"

It was too funny not to write this in my blog and told him that I will. We had a good laugh and he said "I'll never escape from this will I?"

Sorry to say "No, Darling ... not a chance!"

Typical!

If the phone company has 80% of their customers like me, they would have gone bankrupt in the first month. The only reason we have a phone at home is for emergency and for family to call us. I am more of an email person and leave talking when we are face to face.

My phone hardly rings and even if it does, it's very seldom and we know who's at the other end. If the phone doesn't ring once all day, it's quite normal (I know .... I'm weird right?) Anyway, at about 5:00pm, I picked up the phone to ring our Satellite company and realised that the phone's not working. I looked around to see what the problem was ...... guess what? Alex turned the main switch off.

Without thinking twice, I turned it on and used the phone. Upon putting down the phone, it rang immediately and it was Julia, one of the EarlyBird trainers to remind us of next week's meeting.

An email arrived later, it was Adrinna. Here's what she said "I am convinced now that you are never home. Tried calling you a few times today with no answer. Even the answering machine don’t pick up…did it go out too??? "

Ouch ..... lol

I was about to start writing my blog when Alex started to sing "Bob the Builder". I did not catch the song from the beginning but this is towards the end of the song.

We went to see Dr. Irani yesterday morning and I have not stop smiling since.

It was Alex's six monthly evaluation with his paediatrician and the first thing that Dr. Irani commented was, "Look how tall you are now".

We talked about Alex being dry day and night, feeding himself, drinking from a cup and a straw (yes, he just started doing that) and everything else. Dr. Irani looked at Alex and was so proud of him and he said "Well done Mummy!" [music to my ear ;-)]

Dr. Irani said that he is very much like any other four year old and he can't see why Alex cannot go to a mainstream school.

He then did a few test with Alex, he put a hairbrush, a doll, a spoon, a cup and a ball on the table.

He asked Alex to give the spoon to mummy and brush dollie's hair. Alex looked at dollie and gave the brush to me - he forgot about the spoon and was not sure about dollie and mummy.

Dr. Irani gave him another instruction to put the ball in the cup and feed Dollie with the spoon. He fed dollie with the cup.

He was also asked to build a bridge with three blocks. Alex don't normally do things using both hands, he tried to build a bridge with one hand and made a tower instead. When asked to draw a straight line from bottom to top, he drew squiggly lines and then asked to draw a circle and he made a big circle.

Dr. Irani concluded that he can only understand a two or three word instruction (mildly delayed for his age) and he needed more practice in using a pencil. I was advised to let him practice his drawing skills by getting him books that join the dotted lines and tracing. He will then gradually start to write and draw.

"Alex will have no problem leading a normal life" said Dr. Irani. He has good eye contact and social skill. He is aware of his surroundings and his attention span has improved. "I will see you again in 12 months time?", "I think Alex will be doing very well by then".

Alex said bye to Dr. Irani and then shook his hand. Dr. Irani said "He is a very likeable child" and smiled.

"Mummy, why are they jumping queue?"

Jane and I took Alex and Nicholas to Legoland last Saturday. Normally, I don't like going to Legoland on weekends because they are extremely busy and the wait for rides are forever. However, since Alex goes to Rainbow everyday, I haven't been able to plan play dates for him and Nicholas. So, Jane and I decided to take the children to Legoland instead.

Since this is Nicholas' first visit, we decided to get an exit pass for the children - just in case the queue is too long. Nicholas has Cerebral Palsy and cannot walk unaided, it is difficult for him to stand in a queue for too long.

We went to a few small rides without using the pass and the children enjoyed their day very much. Lunch time came and went and we decided to go for one last ride before heading home as the children are getting tired and restless. We went to this small roller coaster and the queue was too long for the children to wait. We used the exit pass instead and walk past the other people, heading for the exit/entrance for disabled. Suddenly, I heard a child cried and said "Mummy, why are they jumping queue?". All of a sudden, I felt so bad for using the pass.

I find it difficult to use the pass as I am conscious of other people having to queue for hours, they too have children and their children get tired and restless too. But the other selfish part of me wants to enhance my child's experience.

I have seen other people using the pass in a way as if it's god's given right. Will I be like that in years to come? I hope not!

I don't think I can give a good answer to Alex if he were to ask me the question "Mummy, why are they jumping queue?" What do I say? Do I say that life is not fair?

It's difficult to decide how I want to bring Alex up. I am inconsistent with my own believes as sometimes, I tried to be on my high horses that we shouldn't use Alex's disability to gain benefit but if we were to follow rules, Alex will lose out.

What should I do?

I love you too.

Last night, Alex cried for "Ma ma" at 2:00am. I went to his room to give him a hug and he hugged back with intensity. Alex is a very passionate child and when he give love, it hurts .... seriously .... literally HURT ... ouch!

I then asked him if he wanted to pee and he said yes. Took him to the toilet ... did his business and then put him back on his own bed. I said "night night" and he said "nite nite". I turned around and said "love you" and he said "mm mm mm mm", deep down I knew he said "I love you too".  

This morning, Alex said a new word "Marb" (meaning mark). He led his dad all over the house looking at things and counting them. This time, it's radiators - went around the house and pointed at one in the back bedroom and said "marb". We were both cracking our head trying to figure out what he was trying to say - he then went to the radiator and pointed at one small mark on the top of the unit. You could hardly see it but with "Wonder Eyes", he can see the smallest mark and make a big statement.

Alex can hear an aeroplane long before we can and he can see tiny dots on the window that only upon close examination, you can see them. His sight were tested about eight months ago as 20/20 and his hearing excellent. I don't know how they can test him when he can't talk but they can. I am glad that Alex has good sight, something he got from me. If he is anything like Jeremy, he would be blind as a bat.

Jeremy and Alex has been very close lately and I feel a flutter in my stomach when I see them together. 

When I was young, I have always wanted my future children to have a great relationship with me and their dad. My dad is a typical old fashion Chinese dad who doesn't believe in saying I love you or hugging. I watched a lot of American Tele when I was young and see children hugging their dad and saying I love you. I always wanted that and sadly, we were not brought up that way. That's why, I want my own family to be loving and let each other know how we felt. 

Life is too short and you may never know how long you have in this world .... Don't bottle up your feelings!

The Oscar goes to ..... Alexander Green!

You think he's only four? Think again as this little budding actor is a master of manipulation by any means. From a brilliant actor to a singing sensation .... (I wished)

When Alex wants something, he wants it NOW and if you say "wait", you will be entertained by a puppy dog eyes, pouty lips and tears on demand. I just cannot stop laughing when he does that. I know I shouldn't and laughing means encouraging but I cannot help it.

He can also sing his way to getting what he wanted. Jeremy always say this to Alex .... "To get something, you have to give something back".

I was entertained to the fullest by my little actor this morning. Alex came to my room at 4:30am and he slept next to me until 5:30am. He can't wait any longer and said "Ma ma .... juice" I ignored him for the first three times. At 5:45am, he said "Ma ma ....." I opened one eye and said "go to sleep ... it's too early". At 5:59am ..... puppy dog eyes, pouty lips, tears on demand and "Ma ... maa .... juice". I gave up and went downstairs to get his juice. As soon as he saw his juice bottle, he has the sweetest smile you've ever seen.

Alex is a creature of habit. He always have his juice and then shower before breakfast. After guzzling the whole bottle of juice, he asked to have his "bath" (can't say shower, bath means the same). I said too early. The look again and I said "STOP and NO MORE". He sat quietly and 30 seconds later "Bath". I gave up .... I said OK ... only if you sing for mummy.

He sang "Baa baa black sheep" using only the word "bath" all the way through. How do you ignore such a child?

Is persistence a virtue?

Woo hoo! Alex is sleeping through the night in his own bed.

We redecorated and moved him back to the small room last Friday and he has been sleeping through the night. On one or two occasion last week, he wet himself when he woke up but I can allow that as he needed to adjust to his new environment again. He has been dry, slept through and waking up jolly happy this week ;-)

Alex is getting more and more confident each week since Rainbow. Last week when we went to Bognor Regis, we had lunch at a local family restaurant. (We were not aware that they have an indoor play area with slides and obstacles course at the back.) When we said we have a child dining with us, they took us straight to the back dining area. As soon as we got there, Alex ran straight into the play area and never looked back.

We ordered lunch and when it arrived, Alex came out drenched with sweat all over. He ate half and went in to continue playing and chasing other kids. He came out again to finish the rest and went in again. Back and forth a few times to have a drink and toilet, we could tell that our son is having fun.

Back to confidence, six months ago, this would not happen and Alex would be terrified to go near the area. We will have to encourage him to play and even if he does, he would want one of us to play with him.

Daily reports from Rainbow indicated that Alex is gaining confidence everyday and we know that already. He is highly independent and I have no doubt that Alex can take care of himself when he grows up.

At home, after he finish with his lunch, he will put the plate in the kitchen sink without being told. I don't remember teaching him to do this but our son has shown us that he is capable of cleaning after himself (when he wants to - his room is still a mess and his toys are all over the place).

One of our main concerns when Alex was diagnosed was he won't be able to take care of himself when we are not around. I am less concern in this area now but a new concern has arise.

Alex is still reluctant to hold a crayon or pen. He has shown no interest in this area and we are worried that he may not be able to go to mainstream school. However, looking at the progress that Alex is achieving in such a short time, our concern may not be a concern in the next six months.

I guess as parents, we are always worried for our children and no amount of assurance can change that.