I can't believe it's new year's eve today.

In another 4 hours and 46 minutes, it would be 2008. We've just finished dinner - leftovers from Boxing Day and we've done the Wednesday lotto as well. You'll never know when your luck comes and for a Chinese, the number 8 is an auspicious number. I believe 2008 will be a good year for us.

We've not been out of the front door all day today and yesterday. Just felt like "chilling out" for a change as we've always rush about when Jeremy's off from work. It seemed like we have been doing the same old thing each week and got really tired of it. The problem with Jeremy is, he felt that if we don't go anywhere when he's off from work it's like wasting his days. I told him that the whole idea of "off days" are to rest. He get stressed and in a really bad mood when he doesn't have enough rest, then he takes it out on me. I call those his "Male PMS" and ignore them most of the time.

Two days ago, I had enough. I was having my PMS (as well) and got really tired of always on the receiving end. I told him, if you love someone, no matter how bad a mood you are in or how sick or uncomfortable you are, you never, NEVER take it out on the person you love. This is call RESPECT. I don't take it out on him or Alex when I am not well, or tired or having my PMS? I control my action because I know, if I say something I don't mean, I cannot take it back because it's already out there. I had an apology and a promise that he will bear that in mind - and try (fingers crossed) not to do it again.

Now, that's one loose end tied in 2007 and looking forward to a stress free Jeremy in 2008. Having said that, he starts his year by working a twelve hour shift again tomorrow. Waking up at 5:30am, leaving for work in a cold and icy road, greeted by a noisy and busy airport and starts his shift at 7:00am. So, how stress free can that be?

It's a tradition that everyone makes a New Year resolution every year hoping that we will keep at least 50% of what we supposedly planned. Well, here goes ......

1. Visit somewhere different each time Jeremy has his "off days";
2. Restart my web designing course and stick to it routinely;
3. Lose one dress size;
4. OK ....... routinely clean the house (he he he); and
5. Do the laundry more than once a week;

So, priority will go to the first two if I can only achieve 50% of my resolution. Looks like "Hasta L'Vista" to losing weight and house chores (ha ha ha).

I don't know what else I want to change as I am really contented with life. I am grateful that we have roof over our head, food on the table, our health (although, we've been sick quite a bit, but we don't have a life threatening illness), our family, our friends and people who really care about Alex.

If I could make a wish for New Year, I wished that all my family and friends will have good health and contentment in their lives.

A toast to Good Health, Life, Love and Happiness.

Happy New Year everyone.

Tis a season to be jolly (not) when you still have the stinking post nasal drip from your last cold.

It's 3:00am and I am all awake. I was awaken by my cough trying to get rid of this little piece of hostile mucus stuck at the back of my throat. I almost choked at one point and got up a few times to say "hello" to the sink.

I am not going to bore you or myself with much detail but concentrate on the nice things of the season.

Well, the weather's turned mild once again (after weeks of between 2-3 degrees Celsius and occasional minus degree to 13 degrees last night). I don't know how accurate it was but I have this fancy gadget on my new Microsoft vista O/S giving me real time local temperatures.
How cool is that? (OK maybe not so if you already have something like that on yours for ages but it's something quite new to me).

It's nice, not too cold and not too warm. My little Alex is sleeping nicely while I update my blog.

Christmas Day (25 December)

Jem's working and I took Alex to his grandparents to spend Christmas afternoon together.

"Nana" that's what Alex calls his grandmother made a simple turkey meal for three -we had our proper Christmas celebration two weeks ago because my sister in law Sue is going to Tenerife for Christmas. (This is the only time of the year where she gets a breather as her work has been hectic for the past few years. She co-owned a catering employment agency with her business partner whose semi-retired and lives in Spain.)

Watched some Television together, Alex fell asleep on my lap and I had a hard time trying to breathe with a little boy laying against my chest. We left soon after as it got dark and rather wet.

Jeremy walked in the door looking tired after a twelve hour shift with only three staff working in his department. (The airport had been a "nightmare" heaving with holiday makers trying to get out of the country. The airlines are trying to get as many people in as possible as there were some flights cancelled a few days ago, due to the fog.)

I let him chill at the couch with a glass of brandy coke. Went to bed knackered.

Boxing Day (26 December) - 2nd day of Christmas

We had my friend Amelia, my cousin June and their family over for Christmas lunch. Never been so tired as I was cooking for six adults and three children. Two chickens with stuffing, 5kg of Gammon with pineapple, Brussels sprouts with chestnuts and bacon, sausage with bacon, broccoli, roast parsnip and roast potatoes. Oh oh oh .... not to mention Gravyyyyy (I love gravy). You guessed it, lots of leftovers.

Looking at those leftovers gave me a headache but the problem was solved immediately when we had such great time playing monopoly that it soon turned to dinner time. I cooked "Chow Mien" with the leftover chicken, sausages and gammon.

Our guests left at 10:30pm. It was tiring but we had great fun. Jeremy's been great - I was yacking (all of us yacking at the same time) all night with the girls while the men watched Tom Hank's Terminal on tv drinking wine and beer. The children played with Alex's many toys and we managed to off load some of his new toys to Anson and Brenda as we know he won't be playing with them.

Alex was really happy with so many people around. He refused his lunch and dinner but snacked on occasional Pringles, cakes and biscuits. What the heck - tis a season to be jolly!

(27 December) - 3rd day of Christmas

Went out to Dfs and Land of Leather to see what the big hoo hars about. NO Big Deal! They only put out what they want you to buy in the so called "massive landslide deal". We knew better as the set that I laid eyes on wasn't there but all the old "Al Cheapo" ones. Massively disappointed but hey ...... everyone else is happy parting with their cash ..... if only they knew!

I was told by a friend that his brother worked in the furniture industry - here's the trade secret ... (well secret no longer): They raise the prices up in October/November time - six weeks prior to Sale season (the law says products must be sold at a higher price for at least six weeks before they can put a product on Sale) They are well prepared not to sell anything during those periods and then the "big kill" in December and January.

We went around quite a bit to look for new settee in November - the staff were just not interested to entertain us. We decided to wait and see if what we liked will be on sale in December. Looks like, we have to hang on to our old couch for a little longer.

No White Christmas.

I woke up to a wet and dark Christmas morning. I am 38 ...... I don't feel any different.

Still laying in bed is my sweet little boy, half smiling half sleeping.

Alright then! We can't resist, we opened all the presents last night.

It started with me telling Alex to go nap and when he wakes up, daddy will be home and he can open "one" present. Then one turned to two and then ....... you do the maths.

Jeremy is working today, so if we don't open the presents last night, we will have to wait till tonight when Christmas would almost be over.

What did I get for my Birthday? Well, I had my early birthday present from Jeremy when we went to America - a laptop. We decided not to get each other anything because we spent quite a bit for our holidays. But, I had a pleasant surprise last night - "Alex" got me a Michael Buble CD for Christmas and a Piers Morgan's book for my birthday. How did my son know that mummy will love them?

OK, what did Alex get?

• Radio controlled cars from neighbours,
• radio controlled Crane from neighbour (massive),
• cars, more cars from neighbours,
• books, crayons and puzzles from aunt Elaine and aunt Viv (my ex's aunts and now my friends),
• pirate ship from aunt Adrinna,
• train set and aquarium from auntie Sue (Jeremy's sister),
• chocolate from neighbour,
• marble run from aunt Rebecca (mummy's friend),
• books from aunt June (my cousin),
• shoes, guitar and books from Grandma and Grandpa,
• clothes from Grandma Alice and Neville.

The whole lounge is full of cars and Alex's favourite part was tearing the papers off. He had so much fun tearing and seem to be addicted to it. One after the other and the grin on his face makes us laugh so much.

We kept a few of our presents wrapped under the tree to be opened tonight. These are from mummy and daddy.

What a Lucky Boy!

Our front door bell has been rather busy today. A few of our neighbours came by with presents for Alex. All in all, he had five presents from the neighbours, about ten from his grandparents, aunty, cousin and our friends.

Each time we open the front door, Alex would peep out and say "Hi" in his own little way, the hand flapping with excitement and the sweetest smile you've ever seen followed by a "Bye bye" when we are about to close the door. Once indoor, he would hold the present and shake it. He wanted to open them but I said only on Christmas Day and he just leave it as that.

One thing about Alex is he is very good with instructions. When I take him anywhere, he is so well behaved that many people commented on how good he is. It makes me really proud of him.

He doesn't understand what Christmas is yet but I think by next year, he will. By then, we will have to hide all the presents from us until Christmas Eve. I just hope I can make Christmas as magical for Alex as it can be for many children.

I love Christmas, not just because it's my birthday (wink wink) but because, it's the time of the year when family reunites.

Merry Christmas Everyone and I hope Christmas will be "Magical" for you and your family as it has been for me.

Cynicism does not exist in my vocabulary.

We have been really lucky so far - having meeting all the nicest people. Helping Alex in every way they could without hoping for anything in return. The least we could do was sending them each a bottle of wine and a Thank you card.

Today, something good happened.

We took Alex to see Caroline, the chiropractor. She asked me quite a few questions about my birth experience, Alex's development and milestones. Were we concerned about his development before the diagnosis and family history on autism. She then asked Alex to lay on her treatment bed for a spine and neck examination. Alex co-operated throughout the whole process and the result was, his neck is quite tight on the left side. She explained that this may be a result from the 22 hours of long labour.

Before seeing Alex, she spoke to Jeremy about the result from yesterday's consultation and x-ray. Jeremy's spine and neck doesn't look that good and we all agreed that something must be done as he has been suffering for sometime. Painkiller has worn off it's effect for sometime already and Jeremy would try anything to regain his comfort. She recommended two treatments a week for six weeks and then to decide where to go from thereon.

After Alex's examination, she suddenly said "If you don't mind, I would like to work with Alex free of charge. I love working with children and I ..." At that very minute, I felt a lump in my throat and I could feel tears coming out of my eyes but I stopped that in time. I said "that's very kind of you and we would like that". She could start working with Alex when Jeremy goes to see her for his treatment and they could have one session after the other.

Of course some cynical people would say that she just wanted Jeremy's business. I still believe there are goodness in everyone and I never gave up on that philosophy. She could easily said that she will charge Alex at a special rate but she didn't. She wanted to work with Alex because she believe that Chiropractic could help children with autism. She is currently working with two Autistic boys - a five year-old and a seven year-old.

I am deeply touched by her generosity and genuineness. I told her that I did quite a bit of research yesterday about autism and chiropractic. She said that she will email me more reports on the success of treatments on autistic children. I thank her and will see her after the new year.

As we walked out of the clinic, I was in tears. I know that GOD is looking down on us as it is not by chance that I saw the leaflet but I was led to it. I almost did not go to yesterday's appointment with Jeremy because it was so cold but five minutes before Jeremy was about to leave the house, I told him that I will go along. I don't know why but I just felt like going.

I have always said that I am not religious but I believe there is a higher being and that we all have a Guardian Angel looking upon us. I always believe that you should always treat people right and help without hoping for anything in return.

Today I witness the generosity of a stranger and my believe in people finally paid. Many people had done me wrong over the years but, there are far more who has helped me along the way. As long as one believes, it would become a reality one day.

Faith takes us through many a dark tunnel but one must never question if faith existed.

Chiropractic and Autism.

Jeremy went to see the Chiropractor today for an assessment as he has been suffering aches and pains for the last ten years.

While waiting for him, I came across a leaflet on Children benefiting from Chiropractic. It caught my eye when one of the benefits include improvement in children with behavioural problem. It also say that children sleep through the night after the treatment. I thought to myself, yes .... this make sense as the spine is connected to the nervous system.

When the Chiropractor came out, I asked her about the leaflet and if the treatment could help Alex's fine motor movements. She said yes and then surprised me with "I have treated a patient with autism and he started to talk after a few sessions" ( I did not mention to her about autism). I then asked her if she knew that Alex has ASD? She said that she guessed as Alex has some funny mannerism and wasn't talking.

We were so used to Alex that we don't notice his mannerism anymore and only a person who has experience with autistic individuals will pick these up.

We made an appointment for Alex tomorrow and she will do an assessment for free. I came home really excited about this and googled chiropractic and autism. True enough, there were many studies done but never published.

I also came across an article in the Telegraph dated May 2005 on a television presenter's personal experience with his son, diagnosed with Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, ADHD and then Autism.

This is his story: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/main.jhtml?xml=/health/2005/05/26/hchiro26.xml

I can't wait till tomorrow.

Listen with your heart.

There are so many things that my son wanted to tell us but he can't. Through gestures and really listening, I managed to meet all his needs.

Alex has been really close to me lately. He prefers "mumma" most of the time because only "mumma" knows what he wants.

Jeremy was trying to get him to nap this afternoon but failed. He sat with him for almost an hour until Alex screamed for "Mumma". I went upstairs to see what the fuss is about and it turned out that he wanted lip balm on his lips because they cracked and hurt. He has been pointing at his mouth but Jeremy didn't understand what he wanted. He thought he wanted a drink and gave him his juice. As soon as I gave him what he wanted, he went to sleep.

As time goes by, I learned to listen to my son and to encourage interaction, I meet his every demand. It is quite tiring and frustrating to stop doing what you are doing when he wants your attention, I made sure that I don't show my feelings but answer to his request - be it get a snack or play silly games.

I believe that I need to give him the incentive to interact. Just like anyone, if you can't get what you want, what's the point to interacting?

As I was writing this, Alex came to me and led me to the kitchen. He wasn't sure what he wanted, but he held my hand and led me anyway. Once in the kitchen, we played chasing in a circle until we both collapsed from dizziness. It's one of those spontaneous moments we spent and then he saw the fruit cake on the kitchen counter. He pointed at the cake and I said OK and cut him a slice. I then told him to get a fork and he immediately went to the drawer and took one out.

I did not gesture him where to go and did not look over his shoulder to see if he got the right implement but he surprised me with his level of understanding.

Deep down, I know he can understand us and wanted to talk to us but it is neurologically impossible. He is not ready but I know when he is, we will wish he would keep quiet.

Learning disability is certainly not a term to describe Alex.

Although this term is used globally for individual with autism and some may have some form of learning disabilities but I believe the right term should be developmental delay.

Alex certainly learn from what you teach him but only when he is ready to do so. Like any neuro-typical children, if they have not reach the level of understanding for a certain thing, and no matter how many times you try to make them understand, they just cannot. But once they are ready and at the right time, it's called a milestone.

The Education Authority has written to us this week asking us to submit a report as to why Alex need a statement for special education needs. We were told by everyone that we should concentrate on the worst of Alex and not his best in order to get any help.

Everyone is trying to get the most for Alex and I know that, but it's hard to see this in paper when the experts writes about your child being "slow" in his development and he has learning disabilities. If they don't, Alex may not get much help and will fall out of the system completely.

We learnt this from our previous application for Disability Living Allowance. The first time we submitted the application, we were rejected because he was considered not disabled enough - if there is such a term. We failed to emphasise the number of hours we spent doing things for him. Any parent would do anything for their child and not count the hours spent.

We were told by some friends who went through the same situation to resubmit our application -this time to picture the worse days. It was hard to see it on paper but we submitted it anyway.

Two weeks later, we had a letter saying that our application has been successful and he was awarded the middle level DLA. This shows that if you are happy with your situation (no matter how bad), you won't get help unless you admit you cannot cope.

I have no experience bringing up a neuro-typical child and I do not know what Alex should know at his age. All I know is that I have a happy, healthy and intelligent little chap that makes us very happy every minute of the day. We are so proud of him and we love him so much.

It's hard to write a report to say that we are not happy with his development and we need a lot of help to get him where we want him to be.

If only they would award positivity and not penalise.

What a disappointment.

Alex had fever last night and again this morning. He woke up at 3:00am this morning and went back to sleep an hour later. At 9:30am, he woke up - fever gone but after breakfast, his fever returned and we decided to let him rest at home until later in the evening, when we take him to nursery for the Christmas play.

If you tell GOD your plans, he will laugh out loud - things have a way to go pear shaped when you think you have everything planned. Alex didn't nap, the fever came and went ... we had early dinner so that we could go to the play but by 5:00pm, Alex wanted to sleep and his fever returned, we had to call the nursery to let them know that Alex will not be playing the reindeer tonight. We were looking forward to our son's first play but things are never meant to be. First it was going in circles to look for a costume and then, the night before the play, he had fever.

Disappointments aside but I am really worried about this bug going around since our return from Florida. The three of us take turns to be sick - you think you are well and then wham, it's either Alex or Jeremy is sneezing and coughing again.

The weather has been cold, the windows are closed, the radiators are on about 12 hours a day, it's a good environment for the bugs. It's a vicious circle and I am getting really fed up!

I hope we will all get well soon.

Am I getting old?

My throat's dry, I need a drink .......

Went to the kitchen, discovered that all the glasses are in the dishwasher (cleaned) and took one out. Thought to myself, might as well put all the clean stuff away...... one thing lead to another, everything is where it needs to be and then walked out the kitchen .... still thirsty.

I am definitely getting old. Called my mum today and she reminded me that "Winter festival" is on the 22nd of December. I told her I won't be celebrating but she reminded me that I will be one year older whether I celebrate or not. Well, "that's a bugger" I kept reminding myself that I am always a year younger than my peers born in the same year (my birthday is on the 25th) and with this additional one year, I will be FORTY!

Chinese have a way to make one older than they should. You are already one year old the second you come out from your mother's womb. So, on December 22nd, I will be 39 and turn 40 on December 25th. But I should be 38 if you count based on my year of birth - if that make sense?

I feel young inside, I can't act my age, I jump about, dance about and act silly in front of my son. How can I be forty?

I sometimes wonder if other people feel the same? Don't feel their age and age is just a number.

How much does he understand?

I am keeping this as a note for the NAS Early Bird Program.

Alex woke up at 5:30 this morning when Jem was preparing to work. My twinkle toe other half could never be quiet to safe his life - anyway, I was up almost all night coughing my guts out again - yes, I know ..... I am such a whooze? and waking up is not something I want to do this early in a cold winter morning.

I said to Alex, "Go back to sleep" and the ever defiant Alex would say "No" and I lost count of the number of times I said it - the answer was always the same. So, I changed the sequences of the words "Sleep back go", "back go sleep" and "go sleep back" each time, he looked at me in surprise. I wonder if he recognise the word or the way it was said. In this instance, I think it's more the latter as he cannot pick up that the main word is "sleep".

It's quite interesting to know how Alex process information. At times, he seem to understand everything we say and other times, he appeared to have no clue to what we were saying.

Something new to learn everyday.

It's Erin's Birthday today. A Birthday wish for a special 12 year old.

Just in case you wonder why I put a little girl and a dog in the card. Well, when we were playing Monopoly in Florida, Erin bought most of the properties and when we visited her properties, she gave an evil laugh and then said timidly, "I kick puppies". So, that started the whole I kick puppy joke and before we left, we bought her the most adorable poster ever, puppies and she stick it to her wall and will kick one puppy everyday before she goes to school.

Did you enjoy kicking the puppies Erin?

Self portrait of a mad woman.

How do I look? Thought I'll be Santarina this year (he he he)

Winter is here ... (I think)

Well it's cold enough anyway. I had to brave the -3 degree this morning to scrape the ice off the windscreen. Took Alex to nursery and on my way back home, the view of the lake across Alex's nursery was just .... stupendous. Coat of white powdery ice on the grass, fallen autumn leaves on the ground with hinge of red, brown and white. What a magnificent view!

Anyway, got home and grabbed a quick breakfast before we left for Reading again to find a reindeer costume for Alex. He's playing Prancer (I think) in his nursery Christmas play next week. I just can't wait ..... my baby is all grown up. I am not sure if I am allowed to take photos or video of him as the nursery is quite strict with that. Because of data protection and privacy, some parents signed a form that they do not want their children to appear in any photo or video.

I am not sure why they do that but I guess they have their reasons.

Some parents are quite odd, they are highly unfriendly - for example, I pick Alex up at about 1:15pm almost all the time and I tend to bump into the same few mums that pick their kids up at the same time. It's not like we haven't seen each other before, there are just no smile nor acknowledgement towards each other.

My God, our kids are in the same class and we see each other three times a week, what harm is there to nod and smile? I tried smiling to them or make small talk but they just ignore you and talk to their kids like you are not there. Well I tried, I gave up and I just ignore them now. What kind of message do they want to send to their kids? How unfriendly is that? I don't know, perhaps I am old fashion but I will want to bring Alex up as a friendly and polite child.

Back to the costume, we walked the whole of Reading High Street including the Oracles, and guess what? No reindeer costume ...... Jeremy wanted to give up looking but I said "I can't have my son wearing just a brown t-shirt and trousers for his first play?" Other kids, much smaller than him managed to get their costumes from Woolworth but because Alex's much taller, it's quite difficult to find one. Anyway, we finally found one at the party costume shop in Ascot - we passed this quaint little shop all the time but never went in for anything. This shows that Big shops don't always have what you want. Never judge a shop by it's size and appearance.

Lesson learnt and Mission completed.

Adults must listen!

It was zero degree outside this morning and frankly, I don't want to get out of my warm bed. It was freezing and I was tired.

Alex woke up at about 6:45am but he stayed in bed with me until his dad got home at 7:45am. We had a good cuddle and we sang "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and a tickling session - sharing some quality moment together.

When Jeremy got home, Alex got out of bed feeling relief that he doesn't have to cuddle up to mummy (ha ha ha) anymore and off he went to do his usual round downstairs - it's daddy's turn. I was too lazy to get out of bed to sort Alex out and stayed for another ten minutes before little footsteps came running up the stairs. "Mumma, Mumma ...... out there" pointing at the stairs and I said "in a minute, give mummy a minute" then off he went. You know what it's like, minute turned to two and then longer than I thought.

It must have been five minutes later when I smelt toast or something along that. I looked on my left and Jem was asleep ..... so, where did that smell come from? I ran downstairs and "Oh my GOD!" the hallway was a mess, he tipped all the boxes over from under the stairs - it was all over the floor. The kitchen door was shut but the smell got stronger ... I opened the door and the stove was smoking. He had the cereal containers on the ceramic hob and must have accidentally activated the heat on the ring .... the plastic cereal container melted with the coco pops in them. The cereal caramelised and the kitchen smelt of toast and plastic melt.

It's amazing how I kept my cool. Jeremy got up to help clean the kitchen and opened up all the windows. I was too busy to feel cold but I realised it was my fault. I should have listened to Alex when he called for me.

He is gaining independence everyday. He wanted to make his own breakfast by laying out all the cereals and bowls. The only thing that he can't do was get the milk from the fridge. He had to ask for help on that one. If he could, he would have made his own breakfast all by himself.

Funny way to look at this incident, if I hadn't laze about, I wouldn't discover that my son is so independent. Note to self, find solution for the knobs on the stove - it can be activated too easily. Anything could have happened - he could have burnt himself and that could be worse.

There goes, adult must listen!

I just realised how much I needed Jeremy.

Today is a day that I will never forget.

It all started with the Stew - I was planning to cook Chicken Stew and wanted to know if Jem wanted any. I dialled his mobile number and a message from the other end said that his phone was not on. OK, maybe he is working in a tunnel and there wasn't any signal. I called 15 minutes later, the same message - OK, maybe he is in a meeting and turned the phone off. An hour turned to two and then three and four - all in all, I lost count of the number of times I called him and ended with the same message.

It's unlike him to turn his phone off as Schedulers will phone him throughout the day for jobs. All sort of things started to run in my brain. Has something bad happened to him? He went to work very early this morning - it's dark, cold and wet - was there an accident?

I am not the panicky type (I think) but you can't blame me because earlier this week, he received a letter from the insurance company confirming his entitlement in the event something untoward happened. He said that Alex and I will be well taken care of if he dies - and I said, don't be silly - I will not be happy even if I am the richest woman without you.
Then last night, he came home from work and said "I missed you, today" - OK, he doesn't say that normally. I was really surprised by that.

So, what do you expect me to think? I was almost out of my mind until I finally got through to him. It turned out that his phone battery was dead and he was surprised that it didn't ring all day. What a relief but at the same time, I could kill him for this!

I don't know what will happen to us if he is not here. I think I am beginning to rely on him too much and this worries me. I may never find another person that I love so much and so in-sync with. He is after all the love of my life and I hope that day will never come - I will be devastated and heart broken.

He came home and apologised for making me worried but also (insulted me) by saying "I am sorry but I never thought that you are so insecure?" Now that is a bit much right? I am not insecure, I am just worried and it also made me realise how much I wanted to walk hand in hand with him for the rest of my life. He didn't mean to insult me but it's a wake up call - I should not rely on him too much!

Well, the Chicken Stew never made it to the oven and you guess it ... it's tomorrow's dinner!

Thinking in pictures.

I am reading this book "Thinking in Pictures" written by an Autistic inventor, Temple Grandin and I finally understand how my son thinks.

Every page I turned gave a new look at how I should communicate with Alex. Not every autistic person thinks the same but most high functioning autistic individual thinks in picture. A neuro-typical person like me would think thoughts in words or text, (how Grandin would put it) but to her and many others, they relate words with images. They think in pictures.

A good example is when I asked Alex if he is hungry, he looks at me blankly trying to understand what I am saying. But as soon as I asked him "Do you want cereal?", he will answer me yes or no. I could see why now because he cannot picture hunger but he can when you gave him an option. He can see cereal in his mind and that is why he gave me an answer. The same goes with, "Do you love mummy?" he looks at me like I have horns on my head but when I say, "Can mummy have a hug?" he will not think twice to give me one.

Understanding what goes inside his mind make things a lot clearer. I wished I read this book earlier - I bought this book six months ago and you know what it's like - when you put it away in a book shelf, it stays there until you have nothing else to read. It's not too late and if I start thinking in pictures, I could communicate better with Alex.

The decorations are finally up!

It's been a very productive day for us today. Although it's been raining almost all day, we managed to visit Kennel Lane in the morning and then went to Bracknell town centre to get some Christmas cards. We had our coffee and tea at Waterstones (Bookstore - strange but the best coffee are always in a bookstore - wonder why?) and then to Longacre to get a wreathe, a Christmas tree and a few toys for Alex. Picked the boy up from nursery and back home to decorate the house. Didn't realise we did this much until I sat down to compose my blog.

What are our thoughts about Kennel Lane?

The facilities are amazing and the teachers are enthusiastic. There are plenty of space for the children to move about, a swimming pool shared by the Primary and the Secondary school. Sensory room, soft gym area, workstations and more. In short, there is nothing that we can find to complain about the school BUT ...... we cannot see Alex in this school.

Why? Because, the children that we saw today are all with severe learning difficulties. Perhaps as parents, we don't see our children like others but we know what we feel about the school and we know that if we place Alex in Kennel Lane, he will regress rather than progress. Although the facilities and support are there, we feel that mainstream school is more for Alex than a Special Need school.

Of all the schools and resource centre that we saw, we still feel that Rainbow is a better option. Unfortunately, they are not able to accept new pupils. I will try to speak to Neel and see if she could twist a few arms to get Alex in.

A rush of adrenalin ..... (I think)

As I said, we went to Bracknell town centre to get some Christmas cards. Went into WH Smiths and chose a few pack of cards - we took it slow and walk about the store and suddenly ...... the fire alarm rang and we were told to leave the unpaid items at the till and leave the Mall. I have never seen an evacuation so slow ..... people walked to the nearest exit and still window shopping. So, we went to the bookstore instead to get our coffee and cards from Clinton. Went back to the Mall an hour later to collect our car but still don't know what the drama is all about.

Lights lights lights

What do you do with a live Christmas tree? You decorate it and then decorate some more. We put up Christmas lights on the windows, along the gutter with running lights, on the Christmas tree and put the wreathe on the door. It looks good but we need more lights. I am going to B&Q to get more this week.

All in all, we have a dramatic and productive day!

It's still raining out there!

I seemed to have lost my energy for everything. I am supposed to get all excited about decorating the Christmas tree .... blah ... I feel yuck all over.

We had the Christmas tree down from the attic and it's now at the corner of the room. Jeremy's put the lights on but I haven't the mood nor the energy to decorate it. I had this fancy idea a few days ago to decorate it with Jem and Alex - then we take turns to film it on video and make a music video of the event.

This grey sky and yucky weather is taking all the fun out of a person. It's neither cold nor warm - it's one of those in-betweens where you can't wear the nice winter clothing nor the smart autumn coats. Urghhhh I want to scream!

Anyway, I am sure something good will come out of this - just like everything else. Remember my dodgy stomach episode two weeks ago ... and the cough? Well, the good thing is .... I lost one dress size and I kinda like it and will keep it that way.

I think I may have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) - growing up in a country with plenty of sunshine, we tend to take things for granted. Boy, if I really do have SAD, I am glad I am not in Sweden or Norway. I wouldn't have survived.

Talking about Sweden, I quite like the country. Been to Gottenburg once with my ex for one day I think .... and visited museums and walk about town. I didn't have many picture of that trip or any trip that I have been with my ex. He is a trained photographer and all he is ever interested in was taking photos of landscapes and everything else but human! We always have fights over it and I cannot say I enjoyed any one holiday with him. We've been to quite a few countries in Europe but no pictures. He brought his camera but no us in any of the photos. It's like that chapter of my life with him doesn't exist.

I am sure it's not easy on him as well - we are both very different people. I used to believe that opposites attracts .... yeah right ... only magnets do but .... relationships ... it is better to be "samey" because you want to enjoy things together as a couple and not fight each other all your life. It's OK to have an argument every now and then but fighting every time we go for a holiday? It's exhausting!

So glad that Jeremy and I don't have this problem and I hope my past have taught me something.

Urgghhh .... it's the second of December today!

Where did time went? It's twenty three days to Christmas, and then another seven to 2008. We have decided to decorate BIG TIME for Christmas this year, to celebrate all the good things in life and ..... I am turning 38 on Christmas day!

Isn't that wonderful? Ha ha ha

Alex said "Hello" very clearly yesterday when Jeremy walked in the door. He also said "Go Home" when we were at his grandparents' house. His speech is coming along and I suspect he can say those words when he wants to. As soon as you ask him to repeat, he clamped up and hum the sound of the word.

He discovered Garfield and is hooked. Thanks to his Grandmother .... (ha hah a) we could memorise the scenes of both movies and backwards too. He had to watch at least twice a day and when he wants Garfield, he has this very cute grin on his face. We knew what he wanted and we gave in - who can resist that cute little button nose?

He wants Garfield again ..... as I am writing this. It's a feel good show I must admit and Bill Murray did a great job with Garfield's voice. It reminded me so much of Bill, my brother in law - the way he talks, the sarcasm (playfully) and even the way Garfield laid on the couch, looked like Bill. I didn't imagine that, Jeremy noticed that too when we first watch the show.

Anyway, it's been raining for three days now and I really hope it will stop in the next two days - just so we could put the Christmas decoration outside. I just love to look at Jeremy's face when I said "let's put an inflatable Santa on our front yard and rein deers and sleigh with lots of light above the garage". It's hilarious to watch his face when I said that ..... "No ... no .... no way". Where is the spirit of Christmas?

We both believe less is more and if we over do it, it's going to look bad. We like it simple and yet festive. Two years ago, I put a live Christmas tree outside our front door with some ornaments and lights - it looked good. So, I am going to the Garden centre in the next few days to get a nice tree for outside and take the artificial tree from the attic for inside. Yes, Alex .... we need a fake tree inside.

I am just so excited. I am like a kid when it comes to decorating the Christmas tree. Twenty Three Days to Christmas!

I was listening to this song and found the lyrics beautifully written.

There is at least one man out there who appreciates a stay at home mum. Watch this video and read the lyrics. Enjoy!




Lost my job, came home mad
Got a hug and kiss and that's too bad
She said I can go to work until you find another job
I thought I like the sound of that
Watch TV and take long naps
Go from a hand working dad to being
Mr. Mom

Well
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer
Crayons go up one drawer higher
Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time
Breakfast, six naps at nine
There's bubble gum in the baby's hair
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair
Been crazy all day long and it's only Monday
Mr. Mom

Football, soccer and ballet
Squeeze in Scouts and PTA
And there's that shopping list she left
That's seven pages long
How much smoke can one stove make
The kids won't eat my charcoal cake
It's more than any maid can take
Being Mr. Mom

Well
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer
Crayons go up one drawer higher
Rewind Barney for the sixteenth time
Breakfast, six naps at nine
There's bubble gum in the baby's hair
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair
Been crazy all day long and it's only Monday
Mr.Mom

Before I fall in bed tonight
If the dog didn't eat the classifieds
I'm gonna look just one more time'

Cause
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer
Crayons go up one drawer higher
Rewind Barney for the eighteenth time
Breakfast, six naps at nine
There's bubble gum in the baby's hair
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair
Been crazy all day long
Oh been crazy all day long and it's only Monday
Mr.Mom

Balancin' checkbooks, juggling bills
Thought there was nothing to it
Baby, now I know how you feel
What I don't know is how you do it

I must share this with everyone.

Jeremy's mum went to her hospital appointment today. This is a follow-up visit to her last meeting with the consultant about her tumour.

The tumour shrank again and they had a hard time finding it. Yeah .... the medication worked and we are just so happy for her.

It shows that when you stay positive, good things happens.

She is one remarkable lady, I haven't heard her whine nor feel sorry for herself. She took it well and got on with her life like usual.

She is one great example.

It's not as easy as it seemed.

We went to see Rainbow Resources Centre today. I have a good feeling about the place but, (there is always a but) they don't have an opening for Alex's age group at the moment. They are full and the maximum number of children they can take each session is four.

There is a waiting list and even if we decide to put Alex in, he will still need a recommendation from TASS stating that he is a potential candidate for a place. OK, if TASS submit a recommendation, Alex will still have to wait to be placed. This can only happen when a child leaves and if no one goes, he may not be able to get into Rainbow by five years old.

So, it looks like he will remain in his nursery until he is ready for Reception class in January 2009. It would be expensive but we are quite happy with where he is and everyone loves him there.

It's still too early to decide as we still need to visit Kennel Lane next week. Having said that, I have made up my mind more or less - I don't think Kennel Lane is for Alex but then again, I haven't seen the place and rejecting it without giving it a chance would deprive my son of an opportunity.

It's not easy to be a parent and it is even harder to be one with a special need child or a gifted one. The decision you make will affect the future of your child.

We are quite lucky to live in Bracknell Forest Borough. They give children a good start - you wouldn't know this unless you have a child and when you start visiting schools, you know what you get out from your taxes.

I am forever grateful to the people that has been helping Alex.

I have discovered Country music.

It's amazing how Country music changed over the years but one thing that never ever change was the story it tells. It's real and it touches your heart.

I am listening to Lone Star at the moment and I am in love with "I'm already there". Every time I hear the song, it makes me cry. It also makes me think of the relationship I didn't have with my father.

I am sad to say that I don't know anything about my father. What's his favourite colour? What's his dream? What he thinks of me? I don't remember ever having the opportunity to sit in the same room with him talking about him and nothing else.

At some point, we lose our parents and when we sit down to think about them, what would I think of my father? What if Alex were to ask me "What is grandad like?"

Darn those country music lyrics, it makes you think of things you don't.

I should get to know my father, that's what I am going to do.

Autumn is my favourite season of the year.

The colours of nature makes you think how wonderful life really is. It is also the time of the year when I get pretty sick .... yes and it always does especially close to a month before my next birthday.

I am coughing my guts out again ..... I know ..... it's not fair especially after last week's episode of dodgy tummy!

Alex is also coughing and he is one hardy child. To be fair, he does whine a bit now and then but as a whole, I am ever so proud of him. His appetite returned .... after a whole week of feasting on water and nothing else. He asked for his cereal over the weekend - finished his share and then has this habit of eating our breakfast as well. An hour later, he would go to the larder and ask for his snack - normally a pack of crisp or little gems. Then, he goes to the fruit bowl and ask for an apple or an orange. I would, of course oblige - nothing makes a mother happier than seeing her child eat.

He is starting to talk a bit now, can't really understand much but we could get the gist of what he wants. He would say, "out there" (which could also mean up there) - he would push me to the hall way and then point which direction he wants me to go. When he wants to go somewhere, he would say "car" or if we are out and about, and he wants to leave - he would say "car".

Neel from TASS came today and did some role/pretend play with Alex. From the exercises, she could determine at what stage his speech and language is at and his understanding of instructions (setting a task by giving him two pieces of information) - for example, give baby his bottle - he will have to get baby from the box and feed the baby with the bottle.

His speech is at 18 months level but his language/understanding is at 24 months. Children with ASD will have developmental delay in some areas especially pretend play and excel in others. Although, delayed - this is a really good sign as she believes that Alex could blend into mainstream education.

There are certain things that we know he could do but he wouldn't do it for Neel. She is preparing his statement and could only put in what she sees and not from what we say. To be fair, it makes sense and I have no problem with that.

We will be visiting Rainbow Resources Centre tomorrow and I have more or less made up my mind with what we intend to do with Alex's education. We heard a lot of good things about the place and we really hope that they will take Alex. Rainbow will only take a child for not more than six terms (about 2 years) but during these times, children with developmental delay gets a lot out of the resource centre. I can only give more information until we see the centre tomorrow.

Can't help myself with this new software and I think it's fantastic. It came with the laptop with 21 days trial period. Rather than the normal boring album, a little music makes it more enjoyable. For those wondering what the software is, it's Muvee Producer 6.0, so easy - just add photo or video and music. Press create muvee and 1 minute later, a music video.

Thought I'll share this music video of Alex with you.

There's a new BUG in town this winter.

Alex and I haven't been well since Monday with loss of appetite and diarrhea. Went to the doctors twice and was told that there is nothing they can give us as it's a viral infection.

Alex hasn't been eating since Monday. I am very worried but three different GPs told us that it's OK for a toddler to go off food for up to two weeks as long as we feed him plenty of liquid. He is not dehydrated and I know he is hungry but just couldn't find the appetite to eat.

I was the same until yesterday when I got so fed up that I ordered Chicken Vindaloos to take the blandness out of my tongue. Big Mistake! I had massive diarrhea and a firee arse (mind my French .... opps). My stomach churned and growl all night but miraculously, my diarrhea stopped this morning, I had my appetite back but still suffering with a sensitive you know where. That's the price you pay for being bold - ha ha ha

Alex wanted cereal this morning and obviously I was over the moon. Gave him half the portion he normally takes and then when he saw me eating my toasted pita bread, he wanted some as well. Wow, I can't believe my luck that he wanted food!

Two hours later, it all came out again and this time from the top end. All over my couch, my jeans and my t-shirt (eweeeeeeeeeeeee).

It's about 2:15pm now and he hasn't done a number two yet which is a good sign. He ate two spoons of fried rice and some cheerios earlier. So far so good and I am keeping my fingers crossed.

An indescribable day.

The morning started with me feeling like a complete B*tch!

Jem's been having back pain since having chest infection almost four weeks now. The cough caused a trapped nerve and yesterday, he felt a sharp pain shooting down his left leg. He has been sitting quite a bit and laid off carrying heavy stuff. Of course resting is necessary but he has done that for almost ten days since we return.

This morning, I told him to get up and walk about and do something. The last thing you want to do is feel sorry for yourself and the condition would be worst. The GP did say that without medication, the pain would go by itself in six weeks and Jem's tried every possible pain killer available and none worked. I even bought him a TENS machine and even that didn't work.

Perhaps it has something to do with the way we think. I always believe in PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) and if I could help it, I won't take pain killers and if bed rest is really necessary, I will not stay in bed longer than a day. When you don't do anything, your mind can only concentrate on the pain and that exaggerates the situation.

Jem wasn't very happy at first and that made me feel really bad. After thinking for a bit, he agreed with me and we decided to go out for a little Sunday shopping.

We went to Costco in Reading. It was crowded and Alex was not happy at first but we managed to persuade him to continue shopping for another hour.

All that walking and I didn't hear a single complain about the pain. Do you think it worked or he just didn't want to say anything? I didn't ask for fear that I might remind him of his problem.

We then went for lunch at Pizza hut and then to PC World. As we left PC World, a black man suddenly walked in front of my car and I braked for our lives. Jeez ..... my heart almost touched the floorboard! I didn't see him at all - he was dressed in a black jacket. Visibility is bad when the sky is cloudy and almost dark. Anyway, Jem tried to calm me down and made a joke "he should have smiled". I didn't get the joke and gave him a weird look and he said "you know? Smile .... White teeth?" I could not stop laughing and I told him it's a bad joke but it did made me feel better.

So, how do one describe my day?

Brrrrrrrrrrrrr it's freezing!

It's zero degree Celsius out there this morning. My car was totally covered with ice - wished I didn't have to go out but Alex needs to get to his nursery on time. Took me 10 minutes to scrape the ice off the windscreen and two frozen hands.

As I was about to take Alex into his class, one of his classmate shouted "Alex is back!" - they seem pleased to see him. This is not his first day back but not all the children goes to nursery everyday. He went in on Monday for replacement session because we missed three weeks and he was so happy to see the entrance of his nursery that he literally ran into his class ;-)

Yesterday, I was told that he won't stop hugging one of the girls. Everyone thought it was so cute and they even showed me who the girl was. Her name's Abby and she is blonde with short hair and very pretty. The carer asked Abby if she like Alex and she said "I love Alex". I can't help smiling and everyone missed Alex.

Since returning from America, we saw a big difference in Alex. He is more social (not that he wasn't before), but something is different. He is taller, he tells us what he wants better, sometimes in words that we don't really understand but we could understand eventually and he plays in his room more than before. Maybe because he saw Joshua playing in his room and he wants to be like his cousin.

He even helped me to make sandwich the other day. I was making tuna filling and asked Alex to help me. I passed the ingredients to him and asked him to put on the counter and he did as asked. After that, he stood on his stool and waited for instruction ... I asked him to pass the mayonnaise and then the lemon, He passed the mayo and then sniffed the lemon and gave it to me. What an achievement! I know ... many of you will think that this is simple instruction and any three year old can do this but to us ... it's a big deal.

Alex can't process two piece of information at the same time. His developmental stage is at 18 to 20 months but I guess he has grown quite a bit. Neel from TASS came on Tuesday and was really pleased with his progress. She brought an associate to work with Alex (not to be rude but I can't remember her name) and Alex got along real well with her. He played tricks on her and Neel said that this is really good. We should continue doing what we did with him .... (I scratched my head, what did we do differently with him?) All we did was give him all the love in the world and made sure he knows it.

Lots of hugs and sloppy kisses and laughter.

I have been having strange dreams every night since we returned.

People from my past like bosses I have not seen for years and friends playing lead role in my strange dreams. There is nothing that I seen or heard that relate to them but somehow, my brain decides to include them in my sleep.

I don't remember having dreams when I was in Tallahassee and for those eighteen days we were there, I had the most rest. Alex slept through the night next to us which means I get my sleep.

Upon returning, he is back to his old tricks, waking me up at five in the morning, hijacked my bed and back to sleep while I ...... well wonder off to do my stuff knowing that it's a lost battle to get my bed back. I don't think his biological clock is back to normal as someday he sleeps longer during his nap and then going to bed at 12:30am (put him to bed at 10:00 and sat with him for two and a half hours till he goes off). On other days, he skipped his nap time and goes to sleep at about 7:00pm and then wake up at 11:00pm - played for an hour or so before he goes back to sleep at about 12:30am.

You can imagine how tired I have been that I had to nap for three hours yesterday afternoon. It is very unusual for me to nap in the afternoon unless I am not well. True enough, I wasn't well and you don't want the details.

My mother in law asked me the other day when we visited, "What would you like for your birthday, Christine?" I said, "Nothing" but if I was asked what I would wish for .......

BINGO ...... SLEEP!

We came back to a beautiful autumnal England.

It took some used to after three weeks in America (seemed like a lifetime). The first obvious difference was the temperature, the fresh air hit us as we left the terminal. The second thing was how small our car was. I always thought that my Ford C-Max was a big car and after driving the Toyota Highlander in US for three weeks, my car felt like a mini (ha haha). The very very obvious one was how small the roads are in England. There were no roundabouts in Tallahassee, it's so easy to get back on track if you get lost as you can always turn back the next block and oh yes, you can U-turn in most places and turn right even when the lights are red.

It's nice to be home and we can't help admiring the beautiful colours on our way home. Once again England makes me feel all warm (not literally) and toastie inside. England has this special place in my heart and maybe that is why I chose to stay on despite my failed marriage. I could always go back to my parents but I chose England. I don't know what made us decide to emigrate in the first place but sometimes, going away from your comfort zone can put you back on track. We all loved Tallahassee and we definitely would like to live there one day but now is not the time. Perhaps when England is too cold for our old bones, we may consider to move to a milder place like Florida.

Alex cope extremely well. He turned into a starving monster all of a sudden. We have been worried about him because he hasn't eaten much and lost quite a bit of weight. As soon as we got home, he wanted a bowl of noodles, then he had fried rice and then more snacks. He has been snacking none stop since we got home. Strange - I did offered him noodles and rice in America but he just won't touch it and his only staple was french fries. Very strange boy I tell ya!

Jem is still coughing is lungs off and his back is killing him due to the strain of coughing. He went to see the GP on Friday and was told that he had a chest infection. He was prescribed antibiotics and plenty of rest.

As for me, I missed my sister. It is so strange ...... we didn't talk much while we were there but I have so much to share with her. One part of me felt sad because we couldn't talk like we used to but another part of me understood the reason. It is so much easier to talk on the phone or to share my feelings in my blog but when we were together, we felt like strangers.

Maybe it's me, something changed since Alex's diagnosis. I so wanted to feel that something good could come out of his Autism. Perhaps he is gifted in someway or anything that could make him better than ordinary. I felt that my sister did not feel the same as I do .... maybe she felt that it's best to convince me that Alex is like any normal child.

I have to live with this fact that my son is never going to be normal - that's why, if there is a glimpse of hope that my son is extraordinary, I will embrace it with open arms. I do not know how to explain this to her and I felt that she was judging me. I felt small when I am around her - although she is the youngest in the family, she is one of the most courageous siblings, her children are gifted, she could juggle so many things at the same time and to me, she is one "superwoman"and I admire that.

We had one exchange in the car while I was there and we were talking about Alex being able to recognise the route to places and as far as I know from the people I spoke to, children his age cannot do that and that it's one of those extraordinary thing an autistic child could do. She turned to me and said that Erin could do that when she was two and all children could do that. All of a sudden, I could feel tears rolling down my cheek and she said something along the line that why do I label my son or something. I felt that I was being judged and that I should not treat my son differently - I don't blame her because no one could understand.

I cannot run away from the fact that my son is different, I cannot ignore that he is not ordinary, we have to live with the fact that there is no cure for ASD and I can only hope that something good came out of this.

Although I am not religious but I believe that there is a GOD and that everything happened for a reason. The end result is always a good one depending on how you see it but I truly want to believe that there is something to be learned here.

With great intention, sometimes it's hard to understand another person with a problem you don't have. To a person with a problem, they always felt small even though they put a brave face on.

Spend ... spend .... spend!

Slightly more than $2.00 to a pound. Both Jeremy and I are taking this opportunity to buy a whole new wardrobe. It's also sale season in Tallahassee and the biggest sale ever is this coming Saturday at JC Penney.

Adrinna baby sat for us yesterday and we are just so grateful. We went shopping at Governor Square and bought branded stuff at bargain prices plus with the currency exchange rate, it's about half the price in UK. Jeremy bought some Ralph Lauren shirts and I bought a handbag - not telling what brand but it's good (wink wink). There were so many to choose but Jeremy said I am only allowed one - it's quite true what he said ... I have a cupboard full of handbags and I always used the same ones.

Alex is very happy here. He loves his cousins and it's heart warming to see them together.

Last Wednesday was Halloween and it's Alex's first time Trick or Treating. He was Superman but for some reason, his costume is maroon and dark blue instead of red and blue. When I bought the costume from the store, it didn't occur to me that the colours were different but anyway, it was dark when they went out and no one could tell the difference ;-)

The kids came back with loads of candies and it could last them a year if they were to eat them sensibly. Alex had only an eighth of what they had because he didn't finish the round. We took him home and off to bed early because he missed his nap time in the afternoon. We took him to the movies in the morning to see "Ratatouille" (I think that's how it's spelt but I might be wrong) and then went lunch and shopping. What were we thinking? Stressing our son? But, we had a productive day ...... (he he he) We would not dream of doing this back home but what the heck? We are on holiday!

Anyway, this week has been a good week for us. Great news from my father-in-law about my mother-in-law's cancer - the tumour decreased by 1/3 and the Consultant was really pleased with the result. She will continue with her treatment for another month and then another test. We are just so happy!

The not so good news is .... the NAS Early Bird programme that supposedly happening in November is now in January 2008. Don't really know why but it works for us because we would have missed the first two sessions. So, in a way .... it is also a good thing.

Well, I am off to sleep again and then later to the Spa for massage with Adrinna. We haven't really been spending time together as she has been way too busy but as long as she is happy, I am happy for her.

Called the Immigration services lawyer that Adrinna recommended and the outcome is not very promising.

We have three options.

Option One: If we have $500,000 to invest in the US, we are eligible for green card. OK, it would be good when we win the lottery - so, option one OUT.

Option Two: Green card lottery. Now is the time to apply but there are only 50,000 issued each year and the chances is like .... NEVER considering my luck with lottery.

Option Three: Family sponsorship. The waiting time at the moment would be 11 to 12 years and if we put the application in, it would be in time for retirement.

We have made up our mind more or less on what we intend to do.

It looks like England would be our home until our circumstances change i.e win the lottery (big one). We both feel that we will be more secure in UK because Jem likes his job. I can continue with my studies and all the facilities and training are in place for Alex.

I will miss my sister and the kids but I guess, we can always visit when we have the means.

We are now in Tallahassee, Florida.


Been here since last Friday after a five and a half hour drive from Atlanta, Georgia. We are staying with my sister Adrinna and her family - hardly see them as they are all so busy.


Alex has finally shake off that nasty cough - it hasn't been easy for him with the cough and the changes.


Here's a summary of what's been happening since our arrival in the US:


Wednesday 17/10


Left home at 7:30am to London Gatwick Airport for flight to Atlanta. An eight and a half hour flight arriving at 4:30pm in Atlanta (5 hours difference). Alex threw up a few times during the flight trying to clear his throat. He didn't eat anything in the plane.


Arrived at Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport, passed the immigration with no problem until we tried to retrieve our luggage at baggage claim. On our way down, a custom officer from the Agriculture division took our declaration form and asked us a few questions ensuring that we have not been anywhere near a farm (mad cow disease) and where we intended to stay etc. Then we went to the baggage claim and that's when everything went wrong.


We had our luggage and we need the declaration form to pass customs but we couldn't find it. I did not recall the custom officer returning the form to me, so I told them that we didn't have it and it wasn't returned to us. I was told to fill in a new form upstairs.

I went upstairs to look for the officer but she wasn't there and in order to fill in a new form, I had to show them my passport and to pass immigration again. My passport was downstairs with Jeremy and Alex, so I had to run downstairs to get them again. I took the passport from Jeremy and was about to go upstairs again, when the custom from the exit asked me to wait and asked us to follow him to another area to get our luggage checked before he let us out. He said that it is unusual for the custom to not returning the form but it happens sometimes. We were all so tired and thankfully Alex was really good the whole time. I couldn't curse or swear because the officers were all so polite and I knew they were only doing their job. If this happens in UK, the officers will never be this polite and I would have bitten their head off.

Anyway, we passed customs but we had to check our luggage in again for another screening and to collect the luggage from another terminal. My GOD! I was about to burst but I kept my cool - this is a bloody nightmare - someone please wake me!

We walked about 15 minutes and still hasn't reached the baggage claims and all this while, Alex was tagging along and running for dear life with his short legs. Then, we realised we can take the train and we did, it was another four stops before we reached the baggage claims. If we were to continue walking, it would be another 30 minutes before we get our luggage. Alright, we finally got our luggage and we had to go to the car rental place to get our pre-booked car.

Arrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhh I could kill someone now, the queue at the car rentals was so long and there were only one girl working. I gave up! Jeremy went to queue and I found somewhere quiet to sit with Alex and I was just so proud of him. He just sat there and gave me a big hug and I am so thankful that Alex is so good.

Finally, after 50 minutes and what seemed like eternity, we got our car sorted and had to take a bus to the car rental warehouse to pick our car up. When we reached the place, we were told that we can choose any car we like from there and we chose a Toyota Highlander, it was the best thing that happened to us considering the disasters we met as we arrived in the US.

We stuck our satnav on the windscreen and set it to take us to our hotel. Fifteen minutes later, we sat comfortably on our bed. Alex still very very good and still very very proud of him. We got ourselves cleaned and ordered a Chinese take out. Boy! The portion were just enormous and generous portion of meat. We knew we over ordered when we opened the cartons - they were stuffed so full that the rice and noodles couldn't breathe. In England? Half the portion and double the price.

We ate and slept until the next morning.

Thursday 18/10

Alex woke us at 4:30am. We let him watch his DVDs to keep him quiet as I am sure our neighbours will not appreciate a screaming child. We went down for an early breakfast in the hotel and drove into downtown Altanta to visit Georgia Aquarium. Both Jeremy and I have been to many aquariums in different parts of the world and we were so impressed with Georgia. If there is one aquarium you must visit in the world - it's Georgia Aquarium. Alex was so impressed by the sea lions that he stayed for a good ten minutes watching them chasing each other and laughed so much. It makes you feel you could fly when you see your child happy. I felt a million dollar watching that cheeky face smile.

Went back to the hotel and finished our chinese left overs. Watch a little television and went to bed.

Friday 19/10

Woke up early again for breakfast and then start our semi slow drive to Tallahassee. It's a five hour drive and stopped at Thomasville for lunch.

Arrived at Adrinna's house at about 3:00pm and the kids were just so excited to see us. Erin is only 11 but she is like a teenager. Josh, the cheeky little boy has so much to share. Adrinna, well I missed her and so glad to see her. Bill came home at about six and we went out for dinner at an Italian restaurant.

Saturday 20/10

The Reed household is football crazy! Saturday is College Football and you can hear my sister scream from a mile away. We stayed home to recuperate from our stressful journey (especially at the airport).

Sunday 21/10

Went out for a drive around Tallahassee with our SatNav. We like it here, the people seemed friendly but the cost of living is rather high if you are earning US Dollar. Some things are cheaper here only if you compare and convert but if we live and work here, I am afraid it would very much be like in the UK. Food is definately more expensive compared to UK but there are more choice when it comes to eating out. Again, if we live here for good, we won't be able to afford to eat out as and when we wish.

Monday 22/10

Looking around town again and being more adventurous. My sister and her family is really busy. We are on our own most of the time and the children have heavy schedules with after school activities and my sister going to school. Watching them coming in and out of the house is like watching bees working around their hives. So exhausting and I really do not know how they do it? Hats off to them.

Tuesday 23/10

Took Alex to Tom Brown Park. It's about fifteen minutes drive from Adrinna's house but it's worth the trip. The park is so well looked after and the facilities were just amazing. Alex enjoyed it so much. We didn't have to tell him what to do, he just ran into the play area and start sliding down the slides and walking on the balancing beams and played with see saw etc.

If facilities as such were to be built in England, it would definately be vandalised. The weather was quite warm as well and Alex seemed to like it here. He grew up quite a bit in the last few days. He wouldn't do what he did here back home.

Alex grew quite close to Bill eventhough he only see him about 30 minutes everyday. He seemed to look forward to his return from work and he would give him a hug and then he's satisfied. He would point at the family portrait a few times a day asking where uncle Bill is.

Relationship is a very strange thing.

It's been two weeks since my last blog.

Here's a picture of Alex taken in school for a hand-drawn portrait. (I like it in sepia)

Alex hasn't been well since Saturday when we return from Ben's first Birthday party. Ben is Jeremy's best mate, Brian's son. The last time I saw Brian and Vicky (his wife) was when they came to Alex's first Birthday party.

It has been two days and his fever's quite persistent at a constant 37.5 degree and he has been coughing a lot.

My poor little boy is so lack of sleep because of the cough that he went to bed all by himself about an hour ago, only to be awaken by his cough again. He is so tired that he just fall right back to sleep. Oh dear, I hear him coughing again and just hope that he is well enough to travel on Wednesday.

Just checked on him and he is still very tired and went back to sleep. Anyway, we have some great news. Alex's speech is coming along and I heard him say "no go" when his dad wanted to go out to the shop this morning and he has been very talkative since my last update.

Neel from TASS came to see us on Friday and assessed Alex. She is quite impressed with him. She also recommended that we visit a few mainstream and special needs school in order to make a decision as to where we should place Alex next year. She also suggested that we should have Alex "statemented" as soon as possible as the process will take about six months. Whichever type of school we place Alex, they all need a statement for him. Once he has a "statement", it is our right and by law that the Government has to provide all the necessary facilities to ensure that his needs are met. There will be no excuse to say that there isn't enough funding for the school year etc.

There are two special needs schools in Bracknell and both about 15 minutes from us. Kennel Lane is a special need school for 5 years to 19 years and they open to children with ASD, Down Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy etc. The other special needs school is a "half way house" between mainstream and special needs school. Rainbow centre is a reputable school accepting children with ASD and they are quite picky with the type of students they accept. The other option is mainstream school Holly Spring Infant (about 5 minutes from us).

Once we return from Florida, we will make all the appointments to see the schools. Both Jeremy and I are keen to put Alex in mainstream school but we are also afraid that he may not be able to catch up or bullied. It's a tough decision.

On a brighter note, Neel did mention that if we put Alex in mainstream and he is struggling, we can always change him to special needs. I just hope it's as simple as that but we will never know right now.

One thing that I am very reluctant to leave UK is that all the professionals working with Alex are very very good and caring. They are all paid for by National Health and Bracknell Forest County Council is considered as one of the best in the country for Special Needs.

We should go to Florida and look around before we make any comparison. This is not just a holiday!

He is turning into a pain in the you know where!

Well actually it's a good thing according to Christina, he is developing his own personality and he knows what he wants. Most neural typical children go through this stage where they rebel and test their boundaries. According to Christina, if Alex is too passive, then we are in trouble.

I could see why he was so difficult for the past few days. He was house bound for two weeks because of chicken pox. Alex is used to going out and about with us and staying at home is not something Alex likes. He would be happier if he could go outdoor to play but the weather has been "yucky" again and hasn't stop drizzling for a week.

He was so defiant and when you tell him "No", he would cry like he is saying "it's not fair" and then ran off and slam the door. It just amazes me to see my nice little Alex turned into a "brat" and I don't know whether I should be angry or laugh. I chose the latter secretly though.

We went to the Speech Therapy yesterday and Angie, our therapist is amazed at his progress. He has a few new words and also used two words to form a sentence (I think). Last week, we were having dinner together and Alex said "more" and then I looked at him and he said "je" meaning more juice. He also said "baa" for bath time and "Sss" for shoe. I also caught him saying "four" and "seven" when we were counting the steps.

Everyone who works with Alex has no doubt that he will talk soon and they all agreed that he is one fast learner. His only trouble is developmental delay (he is currently at around 18 to 20 months) and once he master something, there is no turning back for him.

I have faith that Alex will talk real soon.

My little screamer.

The chicken pox are crusting which means Alex gets a bit sore when he brush against something. Putting on his t-shirt is especially tricky because he has a big head and the collar's a bit tight for him. He has a few big spots on his head and ooohhhhh can he scream when the collar brush against those spots.

I had a meeting with Alex's SENCO and team yesterday. Everyone who knows him from the beginning knows that he is a changed boy. They were all so happy with his development and everyone said that he is one delightful boy. What mother would not be proud of those words?

I met Neil from TASS (Teaching and Support Services) in the meeting. She will be in-charge of Alex's education needs from now on. She will recommend the appropriate services from getting into the right school to getting a one to one teaching support for Alex if he is placed in mainstream school.

This is what TASS do according to their website:

The work of the Teaching and Support Services (TASS) is to assess and teach children from the age of 2 upwards who have special educational needs. Work with children below the age of five who have developmental delay takes place either in the home, the pre-school setting or a children's centre. For older children, TASS assess and teach pupils with specific special educational needs and also support their parents and schools with educational advice and teaching.

Well, at least the education bit is temporarily solved ;-)

I cannot be prouder!

It's the third day of Alex's chicken pox. It's all over his face, one in his right eye, his front and back - even on places that the sun don't shine.

He's so good and we hardly hear him complaint except when we want to put calamine lotion on him - he cried and scream like we are torturing him. It breaks my heart to see him in distress. I just wish I could take away the pain and irritation away from him. He would occasionally whimper because of irritation though. Hand on heart, I don't think I can resist scratching or whining.

Anyway, there are some progress - he called next door's dog by her name "Jess". He looked at Jess and said her name. His fine motor skill are improving as well. He can turn his wrist to maneuver his spoon or fork into his mouth. He can also drink from an open cup with one hand.

His grandparents are very proud of his progress and I really believe that he will have some speech by his fourth birthday. I spoke to my mum today and she has no doubt that Alex would talk VERY soon.

I just can't wait to see what else my son could do to surprise me.

Yikes! It's Chicken Pox.

Alex was real restless last night and he woke up twice. First time at 2:30am with a nightmare - he didn't know where he was and I sat with him for ten minutes. I couldn't get back to sleep after that. I took the opportunity to reply all my emails and then start compiling some images for Alex's PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System). And then he cried again at about 4:30am. I went in to sit with him and this time for nearly two hours. I couldn't keep myself awake any longer and left him on his bed and got back to my lovely warm bed. What a surprise, he didn't follow me to my room but went back to sleep instead. Dang! If I knew I would have gone to bed sooner...........

Anyway, Jeremy took him to nursery and let me sleep till 10am. Am I lucky or what?

Went to the Garden Centre again and spent more. We got more Chrysanthemum and pots for the patio area. We also bought Alex a wind chime - he was fascinated by them when I took him to the garden centre on Tuesday. He was having so much fun ringing the entire range on display.

We then went to collect Alex from nursery and he said "bye" to his classmates and we all clapped because this is the first time he said it so clearly.

After dinner, I took him to the bathroom to give him his shower and that's when I discovered chicken pox when I undressed him.

In a way it's good to get it over and done at his age. I remember Adrinna had hers in her twenties and it was pure torture. I remember she had them on her scalp and the sole of her foot as well - oh she suffered!

Do you consider Chicken Pox as a milestone?

I really do not know where time went?

I just realised that I haven't updated my blog for a week now. I have been so busy with Alex and then with the fund-raising table top sale for the school.

Here's a summary of our week and I would rate it as 4/5:

Monday 10/9

We are both getting into gardening quite a bit. Managed to clear the weeds, the path and cut down the overgrown bushes. The garden looked reasonably good.

Alex loved playing in the garden while we're busy weeding.

Tuesday 11/9

Jem's back to work today. Alex ate his breakfast and lunch all by himself. He also drank from an open cup. What a breakthrough - I just cannot describe how happy I am.

Went to Family Support and then to Alex's first Speech Therapy session. His Therapist is Angie and she is very good with him. She is starting PECS with him and he seemed to accept it well and learnt fast. Angie is going to give me a list of words to use with PECS.

Wednesday 12/9

Sent Alex to nursery and then to Reading to meet a new friend from Malaysia whom I met through Facebook.com. We had breakfast and then continued shopping together at the Oracles. I bought myself a pair of jeans and a black Capri - both on 50% off.

Jem came back early from work because I had to attend the new term's Full Governing Body meeting at the school. This is a very important meeting where Governors are nominated/volunteer to take up important roles. I decided not to participate in any nominations nor volunteer this year. The reason is because I am not sure if we will stay or move to Florida.

Thursday 13/9

Went to the Garden Centre to get some plants for the garden after dropping Alex at the nursery.

Bought some Heathers and some Pansies with pretty faces. I love Pansies because they look so happy all the time with their smiling faces.

Alex learned to count and he can say "two" very clearly. If I say one, he will continue with two and then when I say three, he will say "two" (ha ha ha). He laughs when we say no ..... it's four and he will mumble something like four and then laugh again. He is just so cheeky.

Friday 14/9

Sent Alex to nursery and then had to rush to the school to meet the Headteacher to discuss tomorrow's fund-raising sale. For some reason, it turned out that I am the only one worrying about the event. I somehow took charge of the whole thing while the rest of the committee doing nothing.

I was rushing about like a headless chicken worrying about the event. And then, as I popped back home for a rest, Jeremy opened the front door and I said "Why are you up? You are supposed to sleep." (He just got back from the night shift) He said, he was just about to go get Alex because he couldn't get hold of me. The nursery called to say that they suspect Alex had chicken pox. So, I went to get Alex and they told me to take him to the clinic to get checked out and if it's not chicken pox, he can come back to finish the session. It's not chicken pox - he had viral rash and it's quite common for toddlers.

Saturday 15/9

Table top sale - busy all morning and finally it's over. I felt lighter all of a sudden - as if a load's off my shoulder. By the way, Happy Birthday to Trixie - she is 42.

Sunday 16/9

Went to Long Acre Garden Centre again to get more plants and pots to complete the look. Jem's parents came over for lunch.

I must try to update my blog more often as I tend to forget things. With this summary, I can only share the events that took place but not the emotions.

What a busy weekend!

It's funny how things happen. We don't get a lot of invitation to places much. Friends, we have a few, but they are far and apart. But last weekend proves that we are not as unpopular as we thought (he hehe).

Saturday 8/10

We were supposed to go to the school's Governors and Staff BBQ in the afternoon but Jem was really tired from the day before. He didn't get much sleep after his late shift. So, we didn't attend the BBQ but I did go to the fund-raising committee meeting. I took Alex with me - Jem could have some peace and a well earned rest.

Alex was just so good and everyone was really impressed with him. I am just so proud of him.

Later in the evening, we went to Jem's colleague Ryan's wedding reception in Kingston. My SatNav failed me this time. We went to the wrong place and Jem called his colleague Mark for direction. We finally arrived and had to take a boat to the reception. It's on a small island and it's really nice.

Alex was on the dance floor all night long and had a great time. He refused to leave the dance floor and was really popular amongst the bridesmaids.

Came home late and Alex was knackered. He slept through the night in his room and woke us at 6:00am the next morning.

Sunday 9/9

We were invited to Jerome and Lucy's new home for lunch. Again, my SatNav failed me miserably. I think the petrol companies and the SatNav makers are in for a quick buck. It took me further than far could go and we end up 30 minutes later on a road that we could go in 10 minutes.

Anyway, upon arrival - what a pleasant surprise! Lucy's six months pregnant with their first baby boy. The baby is due on 29th December and I am just so happy for them.

Jerome was a fantastic cook as usual and we sat down and chat after lunch. He played with Alex and as usual, Alex is really good. You can take him anywhere and not worried coz he is always well-behaved. He taught him to play tennis and he had fun chasing after the ball and throwing the racket about.

They have two beautiful and mild mannered cats. You could do anything to them and they don't scratch or bite. Alex was chasing after the cat and pulling their tails. He was laughing and giggling when the cats tried to run from him. Oh, it was so funny and we named our son "Alex the Cat Chaser".

We left around 5pm and then made a flying visit to see mum and dad.

Wow! what a weekend.