I just realised how much I needed Jeremy.

Today is a day that I will never forget.

It all started with the Stew - I was planning to cook Chicken Stew and wanted to know if Jem wanted any. I dialled his mobile number and a message from the other end said that his phone was not on. OK, maybe he is working in a tunnel and there wasn't any signal. I called 15 minutes later, the same message - OK, maybe he is in a meeting and turned the phone off. An hour turned to two and then three and four - all in all, I lost count of the number of times I called him and ended with the same message.

It's unlike him to turn his phone off as Schedulers will phone him throughout the day for jobs. All sort of things started to run in my brain. Has something bad happened to him? He went to work very early this morning - it's dark, cold and wet - was there an accident?

I am not the panicky type (I think) but you can't blame me because earlier this week, he received a letter from the insurance company confirming his entitlement in the event something untoward happened. He said that Alex and I will be well taken care of if he dies - and I said, don't be silly - I will not be happy even if I am the richest woman without you.
Then last night, he came home from work and said "I missed you, today" - OK, he doesn't say that normally. I was really surprised by that.

So, what do you expect me to think? I was almost out of my mind until I finally got through to him. It turned out that his phone battery was dead and he was surprised that it didn't ring all day. What a relief but at the same time, I could kill him for this!

I don't know what will happen to us if he is not here. I think I am beginning to rely on him too much and this worries me. I may never find another person that I love so much and so in-sync with. He is after all the love of my life and I hope that day will never come - I will be devastated and heart broken.

He came home and apologised for making me worried but also (insulted me) by saying "I am sorry but I never thought that you are so insecure?" Now that is a bit much right? I am not insecure, I am just worried and it also made me realise how much I wanted to walk hand in hand with him for the rest of my life. He didn't mean to insult me but it's a wake up call - I should not rely on him too much!

Well, the Chicken Stew never made it to the oven and you guess it ... it's tomorrow's dinner!