Saturday, March 03, 2007

Total eclipse of the moon. It much sums up my mood today. I went to bed feeling totally depressed last night and woke up feeling worse.

Have you ever felt lonely, I mean really really lonely even when you have friends and love ones around you? To be honest, I missed my sisters - very very much. I wished I could fly to US or to Malaysia to see them - I need them right this moment. Truly.

I find it really hard to make friends as I got older. People that I meet along the way are just acquaintances. When I call someone a friend, it's for life. It's effortless to be with them - they talk, I listen and I had fun with them. Sadly, they are in Malaysia or Swansea or Oxford. At this moment, neither of them could understand my situation. They all have normal children, I am not saying Alex is abnormal, it's just that - I don't know what's wrong with him. It seemed like eternity waiting to know.
Jeremy has been fantastic - we talked but it's not the same. I need to talk to a woman, who knows how I am feeling now, who can do adult stuff - mummy stuff as well and enjoy my company. We gossip, we joke and we eat!!! (I have a friend like that - Kris is her name - she's in Malaysia, happily married to the same man for over 10 years and with three beautiful daughters). I would love to make another friend like that. It's not easy!!!

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