We came back to a beautiful autumnal England.

It took some used to after three weeks in America (seemed like a lifetime). The first obvious difference was the temperature, the fresh air hit us as we left the terminal. The second thing was how small our car was. I always thought that my Ford C-Max was a big car and after driving the Toyota Highlander in US for three weeks, my car felt like a mini (ha haha). The very very obvious one was how small the roads are in England. There were no roundabouts in Tallahassee, it's so easy to get back on track if you get lost as you can always turn back the next block and oh yes, you can U-turn in most places and turn right even when the lights are red.

It's nice to be home and we can't help admiring the beautiful colours on our way home. Once again England makes me feel all warm (not literally) and toastie inside. England has this special place in my heart and maybe that is why I chose to stay on despite my failed marriage. I could always go back to my parents but I chose England. I don't know what made us decide to emigrate in the first place but sometimes, going away from your comfort zone can put you back on track. We all loved Tallahassee and we definitely would like to live there one day but now is not the time. Perhaps when England is too cold for our old bones, we may consider to move to a milder place like Florida.

Alex cope extremely well. He turned into a starving monster all of a sudden. We have been worried about him because he hasn't eaten much and lost quite a bit of weight. As soon as we got home, he wanted a bowl of noodles, then he had fried rice and then more snacks. He has been snacking none stop since we got home. Strange - I did offered him noodles and rice in America but he just won't touch it and his only staple was french fries. Very strange boy I tell ya!

Jem is still coughing is lungs off and his back is killing him due to the strain of coughing. He went to see the GP on Friday and was told that he had a chest infection. He was prescribed antibiotics and plenty of rest.

As for me, I missed my sister. It is so strange ...... we didn't talk much while we were there but I have so much to share with her. One part of me felt sad because we couldn't talk like we used to but another part of me understood the reason. It is so much easier to talk on the phone or to share my feelings in my blog but when we were together, we felt like strangers.

Maybe it's me, something changed since Alex's diagnosis. I so wanted to feel that something good could come out of his Autism. Perhaps he is gifted in someway or anything that could make him better than ordinary. I felt that my sister did not feel the same as I do .... maybe she felt that it's best to convince me that Alex is like any normal child.

I have to live with this fact that my son is never going to be normal - that's why, if there is a glimpse of hope that my son is extraordinary, I will embrace it with open arms. I do not know how to explain this to her and I felt that she was judging me. I felt small when I am around her - although she is the youngest in the family, she is one of the most courageous siblings, her children are gifted, she could juggle so many things at the same time and to me, she is one "superwoman"and I admire that.

We had one exchange in the car while I was there and we were talking about Alex being able to recognise the route to places and as far as I know from the people I spoke to, children his age cannot do that and that it's one of those extraordinary thing an autistic child could do. She turned to me and said that Erin could do that when she was two and all children could do that. All of a sudden, I could feel tears rolling down my cheek and she said something along the line that why do I label my son or something. I felt that I was being judged and that I should not treat my son differently - I don't blame her because no one could understand.

I cannot run away from the fact that my son is different, I cannot ignore that he is not ordinary, we have to live with the fact that there is no cure for ASD and I can only hope that something good came out of this.

Although I am not religious but I believe that there is a GOD and that everything happened for a reason. The end result is always a good one depending on how you see it but I truly want to believe that there is something to be learned here.

With great intention, sometimes it's hard to understand another person with a problem you don't have. To a person with a problem, they always felt small even though they put a brave face on.