I haven't been myself since yesterday.

It's true I have accepted the diagnosis and it's also true that I have the occasional lump in my throat when I think of my son's future.

On Wednesday, I attended Family Support group at Margaret Wells-Furby Centre. There were only three family this week. Linda, whom I met when her son Joshua was assessed at the same time as Alex. Then there was also Catherine with her son Conner and two other older children whose normal. I say normal because they do not have any disabilities.

I supposed, out of the three of us, I am more fortunate because Alex has been diagnosed and we have a network of support on our way. Joshua who is three months younger than Alex has all the autistic mannerism but he can use a few hand signs. Because he only tick two out of the three boxes in order to be diagnosed as ASD, they cannot give him a definite diagnosis. This put them in Limbo land and had to wait another six months for a follow-up assessment to confirm a diagnosis. I sympathise with Linda and I know what it's like because I was in her shoes before the diagnosis.

During the session, the adults talked while the children spent time with the professionals. It's like a counselling session and we poured our hearts out. I cried. I don't know why but I did. We are all going through the same thing that makes it so easy to talk but felt vulnerable at the same time.

I rang Kathy - the organiser for Dr. Rick Solomon's P.L.A.Y workshop this morning. I read about his work and is interested to participate. It costs £45.00 per person and I wanted Jeremy to come with me. I was being very honest with Kathy that we cannot afford the full cost and she offered a discount for our circumstances.

Kathy has a son with ASD too. He was diagnosed at three and had no language - that was thirteen years ago. He is now a very gifted student in mainstream education - taking his GCSE this year and a genius in maths. Kathy assured me that there is hope and never ever doubt that. It's very kind of her to assure me but I just cannot see it now as there are too many obstacles ahead of us.

I would never dream of telling people about my financial circumstances in the past but I had to this time because this workshop is not something that I can do without. There are so many things that required money and we are in no position to be generous. I felt "crap" and felt like I betrayed my pride.

Received a letter from the Occupational Therapist's office this morning and Alex's assessment with them is on a waiting list. They are way behind and can expect the appointment in the next twelve months. We may have to go private if I cannot find alternative solution to help Alex.

Money money money. I wished I could get a job working from home to help out financially.