I can't believe it's new year's eve today.

In another 4 hours and 46 minutes, it would be 2008. We've just finished dinner - leftovers from Boxing Day and we've done the Wednesday lotto as well. You'll never know when your luck comes and for a Chinese, the number 8 is an auspicious number. I believe 2008 will be a good year for us.

We've not been out of the front door all day today and yesterday. Just felt like "chilling out" for a change as we've always rush about when Jeremy's off from work. It seemed like we have been doing the same old thing each week and got really tired of it. The problem with Jeremy is, he felt that if we don't go anywhere when he's off from work it's like wasting his days. I told him that the whole idea of "off days" are to rest. He get stressed and in a really bad mood when he doesn't have enough rest, then he takes it out on me. I call those his "Male PMS" and ignore them most of the time.

Two days ago, I had enough. I was having my PMS (as well) and got really tired of always on the receiving end. I told him, if you love someone, no matter how bad a mood you are in or how sick or uncomfortable you are, you never, NEVER take it out on the person you love. This is call RESPECT. I don't take it out on him or Alex when I am not well, or tired or having my PMS? I control my action because I know, if I say something I don't mean, I cannot take it back because it's already out there. I had an apology and a promise that he will bear that in mind - and try (fingers crossed) not to do it again.

Now, that's one loose end tied in 2007 and looking forward to a stress free Jeremy in 2008. Having said that, he starts his year by working a twelve hour shift again tomorrow. Waking up at 5:30am, leaving for work in a cold and icy road, greeted by a noisy and busy airport and starts his shift at 7:00am. So, how stress free can that be?

It's a tradition that everyone makes a New Year resolution every year hoping that we will keep at least 50% of what we supposedly planned. Well, here goes ......

1. Visit somewhere different each time Jeremy has his "off days";
2. Restart my web designing course and stick to it routinely;
3. Lose one dress size;
4. OK ....... routinely clean the house (he he he); and
5. Do the laundry more than once a week;

So, priority will go to the first two if I can only achieve 50% of my resolution. Looks like "Hasta L'Vista" to losing weight and house chores (ha ha ha).

I don't know what else I want to change as I am really contented with life. I am grateful that we have roof over our head, food on the table, our health (although, we've been sick quite a bit, but we don't have a life threatening illness), our family, our friends and people who really care about Alex.

If I could make a wish for New Year, I wished that all my family and friends will have good health and contentment in their lives.

A toast to Good Health, Life, Love and Happiness.

Happy New Year everyone.

Tis a season to be jolly (not) when you still have the stinking post nasal drip from your last cold.

It's 3:00am and I am all awake. I was awaken by my cough trying to get rid of this little piece of hostile mucus stuck at the back of my throat. I almost choked at one point and got up a few times to say "hello" to the sink.

I am not going to bore you or myself with much detail but concentrate on the nice things of the season.

Well, the weather's turned mild once again (after weeks of between 2-3 degrees Celsius and occasional minus degree to 13 degrees last night). I don't know how accurate it was but I have this fancy gadget on my new Microsoft vista O/S giving me real time local temperatures.
How cool is that? (OK maybe not so if you already have something like that on yours for ages but it's something quite new to me).

It's nice, not too cold and not too warm. My little Alex is sleeping nicely while I update my blog.

Christmas Day (25 December)

Jem's working and I took Alex to his grandparents to spend Christmas afternoon together.

"Nana" that's what Alex calls his grandmother made a simple turkey meal for three -we had our proper Christmas celebration two weeks ago because my sister in law Sue is going to Tenerife for Christmas. (This is the only time of the year where she gets a breather as her work has been hectic for the past few years. She co-owned a catering employment agency with her business partner whose semi-retired and lives in Spain.)

Watched some Television together, Alex fell asleep on my lap and I had a hard time trying to breathe with a little boy laying against my chest. We left soon after as it got dark and rather wet.

Jeremy walked in the door looking tired after a twelve hour shift with only three staff working in his department. (The airport had been a "nightmare" heaving with holiday makers trying to get out of the country. The airlines are trying to get as many people in as possible as there were some flights cancelled a few days ago, due to the fog.)

I let him chill at the couch with a glass of brandy coke. Went to bed knackered.

Boxing Day (26 December) - 2nd day of Christmas

We had my friend Amelia, my cousin June and their family over for Christmas lunch. Never been so tired as I was cooking for six adults and three children. Two chickens with stuffing, 5kg of Gammon with pineapple, Brussels sprouts with chestnuts and bacon, sausage with bacon, broccoli, roast parsnip and roast potatoes. Oh oh oh .... not to mention Gravyyyyy (I love gravy). You guessed it, lots of leftovers.

Looking at those leftovers gave me a headache but the problem was solved immediately when we had such great time playing monopoly that it soon turned to dinner time. I cooked "Chow Mien" with the leftover chicken, sausages and gammon.

Our guests left at 10:30pm. It was tiring but we had great fun. Jeremy's been great - I was yacking (all of us yacking at the same time) all night with the girls while the men watched Tom Hank's Terminal on tv drinking wine and beer. The children played with Alex's many toys and we managed to off load some of his new toys to Anson and Brenda as we know he won't be playing with them.

Alex was really happy with so many people around. He refused his lunch and dinner but snacked on occasional Pringles, cakes and biscuits. What the heck - tis a season to be jolly!

(27 December) - 3rd day of Christmas

Went out to Dfs and Land of Leather to see what the big hoo hars about. NO Big Deal! They only put out what they want you to buy in the so called "massive landslide deal". We knew better as the set that I laid eyes on wasn't there but all the old "Al Cheapo" ones. Massively disappointed but hey ...... everyone else is happy parting with their cash ..... if only they knew!

I was told by a friend that his brother worked in the furniture industry - here's the trade secret ... (well secret no longer): They raise the prices up in October/November time - six weeks prior to Sale season (the law says products must be sold at a higher price for at least six weeks before they can put a product on Sale) They are well prepared not to sell anything during those periods and then the "big kill" in December and January.

We went around quite a bit to look for new settee in November - the staff were just not interested to entertain us. We decided to wait and see if what we liked will be on sale in December. Looks like, we have to hang on to our old couch for a little longer.

No White Christmas.

I woke up to a wet and dark Christmas morning. I am 38 ...... I don't feel any different.

Still laying in bed is my sweet little boy, half smiling half sleeping.

Alright then! We can't resist, we opened all the presents last night.

It started with me telling Alex to go nap and when he wakes up, daddy will be home and he can open "one" present. Then one turned to two and then ....... you do the maths.

Jeremy is working today, so if we don't open the presents last night, we will have to wait till tonight when Christmas would almost be over.

What did I get for my Birthday? Well, I had my early birthday present from Jeremy when we went to America - a laptop. We decided not to get each other anything because we spent quite a bit for our holidays. But, I had a pleasant surprise last night - "Alex" got me a Michael Buble CD for Christmas and a Piers Morgan's book for my birthday. How did my son know that mummy will love them?

OK, what did Alex get?

• Radio controlled cars from neighbours,
• radio controlled Crane from neighbour (massive),
• cars, more cars from neighbours,
• books, crayons and puzzles from aunt Elaine and aunt Viv (my ex's aunts and now my friends),
• pirate ship from aunt Adrinna,
• train set and aquarium from auntie Sue (Jeremy's sister),
• chocolate from neighbour,
• marble run from aunt Rebecca (mummy's friend),
• books from aunt June (my cousin),
• shoes, guitar and books from Grandma and Grandpa,
• clothes from Grandma Alice and Neville.

The whole lounge is full of cars and Alex's favourite part was tearing the papers off. He had so much fun tearing and seem to be addicted to it. One after the other and the grin on his face makes us laugh so much.

We kept a few of our presents wrapped under the tree to be opened tonight. These are from mummy and daddy.

What a Lucky Boy!

Our front door bell has been rather busy today. A few of our neighbours came by with presents for Alex. All in all, he had five presents from the neighbours, about ten from his grandparents, aunty, cousin and our friends.

Each time we open the front door, Alex would peep out and say "Hi" in his own little way, the hand flapping with excitement and the sweetest smile you've ever seen followed by a "Bye bye" when we are about to close the door. Once indoor, he would hold the present and shake it. He wanted to open them but I said only on Christmas Day and he just leave it as that.

One thing about Alex is he is very good with instructions. When I take him anywhere, he is so well behaved that many people commented on how good he is. It makes me really proud of him.

He doesn't understand what Christmas is yet but I think by next year, he will. By then, we will have to hide all the presents from us until Christmas Eve. I just hope I can make Christmas as magical for Alex as it can be for many children.

I love Christmas, not just because it's my birthday (wink wink) but because, it's the time of the year when family reunites.

Merry Christmas Everyone and I hope Christmas will be "Magical" for you and your family as it has been for me.

Cynicism does not exist in my vocabulary.

We have been really lucky so far - having meeting all the nicest people. Helping Alex in every way they could without hoping for anything in return. The least we could do was sending them each a bottle of wine and a Thank you card.

Today, something good happened.

We took Alex to see Caroline, the chiropractor. She asked me quite a few questions about my birth experience, Alex's development and milestones. Were we concerned about his development before the diagnosis and family history on autism. She then asked Alex to lay on her treatment bed for a spine and neck examination. Alex co-operated throughout the whole process and the result was, his neck is quite tight on the left side. She explained that this may be a result from the 22 hours of long labour.

Before seeing Alex, she spoke to Jeremy about the result from yesterday's consultation and x-ray. Jeremy's spine and neck doesn't look that good and we all agreed that something must be done as he has been suffering for sometime. Painkiller has worn off it's effect for sometime already and Jeremy would try anything to regain his comfort. She recommended two treatments a week for six weeks and then to decide where to go from thereon.

After Alex's examination, she suddenly said "If you don't mind, I would like to work with Alex free of charge. I love working with children and I ..." At that very minute, I felt a lump in my throat and I could feel tears coming out of my eyes but I stopped that in time. I said "that's very kind of you and we would like that". She could start working with Alex when Jeremy goes to see her for his treatment and they could have one session after the other.

Of course some cynical people would say that she just wanted Jeremy's business. I still believe there are goodness in everyone and I never gave up on that philosophy. She could easily said that she will charge Alex at a special rate but she didn't. She wanted to work with Alex because she believe that Chiropractic could help children with autism. She is currently working with two Autistic boys - a five year-old and a seven year-old.

I am deeply touched by her generosity and genuineness. I told her that I did quite a bit of research yesterday about autism and chiropractic. She said that she will email me more reports on the success of treatments on autistic children. I thank her and will see her after the new year.

As we walked out of the clinic, I was in tears. I know that GOD is looking down on us as it is not by chance that I saw the leaflet but I was led to it. I almost did not go to yesterday's appointment with Jeremy because it was so cold but five minutes before Jeremy was about to leave the house, I told him that I will go along. I don't know why but I just felt like going.

I have always said that I am not religious but I believe there is a higher being and that we all have a Guardian Angel looking upon us. I always believe that you should always treat people right and help without hoping for anything in return.

Today I witness the generosity of a stranger and my believe in people finally paid. Many people had done me wrong over the years but, there are far more who has helped me along the way. As long as one believes, it would become a reality one day.

Faith takes us through many a dark tunnel but one must never question if faith existed.

Chiropractic and Autism.

Jeremy went to see the Chiropractor today for an assessment as he has been suffering aches and pains for the last ten years.

While waiting for him, I came across a leaflet on Children benefiting from Chiropractic. It caught my eye when one of the benefits include improvement in children with behavioural problem. It also say that children sleep through the night after the treatment. I thought to myself, yes .... this make sense as the spine is connected to the nervous system.

When the Chiropractor came out, I asked her about the leaflet and if the treatment could help Alex's fine motor movements. She said yes and then surprised me with "I have treated a patient with autism and he started to talk after a few sessions" ( I did not mention to her about autism). I then asked her if she knew that Alex has ASD? She said that she guessed as Alex has some funny mannerism and wasn't talking.

We were so used to Alex that we don't notice his mannerism anymore and only a person who has experience with autistic individuals will pick these up.

We made an appointment for Alex tomorrow and she will do an assessment for free. I came home really excited about this and googled chiropractic and autism. True enough, there were many studies done but never published.

I also came across an article in the Telegraph dated May 2005 on a television presenter's personal experience with his son, diagnosed with Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, ADHD and then Autism.

This is his story: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/main.jhtml?xml=/health/2005/05/26/hchiro26.xml

I can't wait till tomorrow.

Listen with your heart.

There are so many things that my son wanted to tell us but he can't. Through gestures and really listening, I managed to meet all his needs.

Alex has been really close to me lately. He prefers "mumma" most of the time because only "mumma" knows what he wants.

Jeremy was trying to get him to nap this afternoon but failed. He sat with him for almost an hour until Alex screamed for "Mumma". I went upstairs to see what the fuss is about and it turned out that he wanted lip balm on his lips because they cracked and hurt. He has been pointing at his mouth but Jeremy didn't understand what he wanted. He thought he wanted a drink and gave him his juice. As soon as I gave him what he wanted, he went to sleep.

As time goes by, I learned to listen to my son and to encourage interaction, I meet his every demand. It is quite tiring and frustrating to stop doing what you are doing when he wants your attention, I made sure that I don't show my feelings but answer to his request - be it get a snack or play silly games.

I believe that I need to give him the incentive to interact. Just like anyone, if you can't get what you want, what's the point to interacting?

As I was writing this, Alex came to me and led me to the kitchen. He wasn't sure what he wanted, but he held my hand and led me anyway. Once in the kitchen, we played chasing in a circle until we both collapsed from dizziness. It's one of those spontaneous moments we spent and then he saw the fruit cake on the kitchen counter. He pointed at the cake and I said OK and cut him a slice. I then told him to get a fork and he immediately went to the drawer and took one out.

I did not gesture him where to go and did not look over his shoulder to see if he got the right implement but he surprised me with his level of understanding.

Deep down, I know he can understand us and wanted to talk to us but it is neurologically impossible. He is not ready but I know when he is, we will wish he would keep quiet.

Learning disability is certainly not a term to describe Alex.

Although this term is used globally for individual with autism and some may have some form of learning disabilities but I believe the right term should be developmental delay.

Alex certainly learn from what you teach him but only when he is ready to do so. Like any neuro-typical children, if they have not reach the level of understanding for a certain thing, and no matter how many times you try to make them understand, they just cannot. But once they are ready and at the right time, it's called a milestone.

The Education Authority has written to us this week asking us to submit a report as to why Alex need a statement for special education needs. We were told by everyone that we should concentrate on the worst of Alex and not his best in order to get any help.

Everyone is trying to get the most for Alex and I know that, but it's hard to see this in paper when the experts writes about your child being "slow" in his development and he has learning disabilities. If they don't, Alex may not get much help and will fall out of the system completely.

We learnt this from our previous application for Disability Living Allowance. The first time we submitted the application, we were rejected because he was considered not disabled enough - if there is such a term. We failed to emphasise the number of hours we spent doing things for him. Any parent would do anything for their child and not count the hours spent.

We were told by some friends who went through the same situation to resubmit our application -this time to picture the worse days. It was hard to see it on paper but we submitted it anyway.

Two weeks later, we had a letter saying that our application has been successful and he was awarded the middle level DLA. This shows that if you are happy with your situation (no matter how bad), you won't get help unless you admit you cannot cope.

I have no experience bringing up a neuro-typical child and I do not know what Alex should know at his age. All I know is that I have a happy, healthy and intelligent little chap that makes us very happy every minute of the day. We are so proud of him and we love him so much.

It's hard to write a report to say that we are not happy with his development and we need a lot of help to get him where we want him to be.

If only they would award positivity and not penalise.

What a disappointment.

Alex had fever last night and again this morning. He woke up at 3:00am this morning and went back to sleep an hour later. At 9:30am, he woke up - fever gone but after breakfast, his fever returned and we decided to let him rest at home until later in the evening, when we take him to nursery for the Christmas play.

If you tell GOD your plans, he will laugh out loud - things have a way to go pear shaped when you think you have everything planned. Alex didn't nap, the fever came and went ... we had early dinner so that we could go to the play but by 5:00pm, Alex wanted to sleep and his fever returned, we had to call the nursery to let them know that Alex will not be playing the reindeer tonight. We were looking forward to our son's first play but things are never meant to be. First it was going in circles to look for a costume and then, the night before the play, he had fever.

Disappointments aside but I am really worried about this bug going around since our return from Florida. The three of us take turns to be sick - you think you are well and then wham, it's either Alex or Jeremy is sneezing and coughing again.

The weather has been cold, the windows are closed, the radiators are on about 12 hours a day, it's a good environment for the bugs. It's a vicious circle and I am getting really fed up!

I hope we will all get well soon.

Am I getting old?

My throat's dry, I need a drink .......

Went to the kitchen, discovered that all the glasses are in the dishwasher (cleaned) and took one out. Thought to myself, might as well put all the clean stuff away...... one thing lead to another, everything is where it needs to be and then walked out the kitchen .... still thirsty.

I am definitely getting old. Called my mum today and she reminded me that "Winter festival" is on the 22nd of December. I told her I won't be celebrating but she reminded me that I will be one year older whether I celebrate or not. Well, "that's a bugger" I kept reminding myself that I am always a year younger than my peers born in the same year (my birthday is on the 25th) and with this additional one year, I will be FORTY!

Chinese have a way to make one older than they should. You are already one year old the second you come out from your mother's womb. So, on December 22nd, I will be 39 and turn 40 on December 25th. But I should be 38 if you count based on my year of birth - if that make sense?

I feel young inside, I can't act my age, I jump about, dance about and act silly in front of my son. How can I be forty?

I sometimes wonder if other people feel the same? Don't feel their age and age is just a number.

How much does he understand?

I am keeping this as a note for the NAS Early Bird Program.

Alex woke up at 5:30 this morning when Jem was preparing to work. My twinkle toe other half could never be quiet to safe his life - anyway, I was up almost all night coughing my guts out again - yes, I know ..... I am such a whooze? and waking up is not something I want to do this early in a cold winter morning.

I said to Alex, "Go back to sleep" and the ever defiant Alex would say "No" and I lost count of the number of times I said it - the answer was always the same. So, I changed the sequences of the words "Sleep back go", "back go sleep" and "go sleep back" each time, he looked at me in surprise. I wonder if he recognise the word or the way it was said. In this instance, I think it's more the latter as he cannot pick up that the main word is "sleep".

It's quite interesting to know how Alex process information. At times, he seem to understand everything we say and other times, he appeared to have no clue to what we were saying.

Something new to learn everyday.

It's Erin's Birthday today. A Birthday wish for a special 12 year old.

Just in case you wonder why I put a little girl and a dog in the card. Well, when we were playing Monopoly in Florida, Erin bought most of the properties and when we visited her properties, she gave an evil laugh and then said timidly, "I kick puppies". So, that started the whole I kick puppy joke and before we left, we bought her the most adorable poster ever, puppies and she stick it to her wall and will kick one puppy everyday before she goes to school.

Did you enjoy kicking the puppies Erin?

Self portrait of a mad woman.

How do I look? Thought I'll be Santarina this year (he he he)

Winter is here ... (I think)

Well it's cold enough anyway. I had to brave the -3 degree this morning to scrape the ice off the windscreen. Took Alex to nursery and on my way back home, the view of the lake across Alex's nursery was just .... stupendous. Coat of white powdery ice on the grass, fallen autumn leaves on the ground with hinge of red, brown and white. What a magnificent view!

Anyway, got home and grabbed a quick breakfast before we left for Reading again to find a reindeer costume for Alex. He's playing Prancer (I think) in his nursery Christmas play next week. I just can't wait ..... my baby is all grown up. I am not sure if I am allowed to take photos or video of him as the nursery is quite strict with that. Because of data protection and privacy, some parents signed a form that they do not want their children to appear in any photo or video.

I am not sure why they do that but I guess they have their reasons.

Some parents are quite odd, they are highly unfriendly - for example, I pick Alex up at about 1:15pm almost all the time and I tend to bump into the same few mums that pick their kids up at the same time. It's not like we haven't seen each other before, there are just no smile nor acknowledgement towards each other.

My God, our kids are in the same class and we see each other three times a week, what harm is there to nod and smile? I tried smiling to them or make small talk but they just ignore you and talk to their kids like you are not there. Well I tried, I gave up and I just ignore them now. What kind of message do they want to send to their kids? How unfriendly is that? I don't know, perhaps I am old fashion but I will want to bring Alex up as a friendly and polite child.

Back to the costume, we walked the whole of Reading High Street including the Oracles, and guess what? No reindeer costume ...... Jeremy wanted to give up looking but I said "I can't have my son wearing just a brown t-shirt and trousers for his first play?" Other kids, much smaller than him managed to get their costumes from Woolworth but because Alex's much taller, it's quite difficult to find one. Anyway, we finally found one at the party costume shop in Ascot - we passed this quaint little shop all the time but never went in for anything. This shows that Big shops don't always have what you want. Never judge a shop by it's size and appearance.

Lesson learnt and Mission completed.

Adults must listen!

It was zero degree outside this morning and frankly, I don't want to get out of my warm bed. It was freezing and I was tired.

Alex woke up at about 6:45am but he stayed in bed with me until his dad got home at 7:45am. We had a good cuddle and we sang "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and a tickling session - sharing some quality moment together.

When Jeremy got home, Alex got out of bed feeling relief that he doesn't have to cuddle up to mummy (ha ha ha) anymore and off he went to do his usual round downstairs - it's daddy's turn. I was too lazy to get out of bed to sort Alex out and stayed for another ten minutes before little footsteps came running up the stairs. "Mumma, Mumma ...... out there" pointing at the stairs and I said "in a minute, give mummy a minute" then off he went. You know what it's like, minute turned to two and then longer than I thought.

It must have been five minutes later when I smelt toast or something along that. I looked on my left and Jem was asleep ..... so, where did that smell come from? I ran downstairs and "Oh my GOD!" the hallway was a mess, he tipped all the boxes over from under the stairs - it was all over the floor. The kitchen door was shut but the smell got stronger ... I opened the door and the stove was smoking. He had the cereal containers on the ceramic hob and must have accidentally activated the heat on the ring .... the plastic cereal container melted with the coco pops in them. The cereal caramelised and the kitchen smelt of toast and plastic melt.

It's amazing how I kept my cool. Jeremy got up to help clean the kitchen and opened up all the windows. I was too busy to feel cold but I realised it was my fault. I should have listened to Alex when he called for me.

He is gaining independence everyday. He wanted to make his own breakfast by laying out all the cereals and bowls. The only thing that he can't do was get the milk from the fridge. He had to ask for help on that one. If he could, he would have made his own breakfast all by himself.

Funny way to look at this incident, if I hadn't laze about, I wouldn't discover that my son is so independent. Note to self, find solution for the knobs on the stove - it can be activated too easily. Anything could have happened - he could have burnt himself and that could be worse.

There goes, adult must listen!

I just realised how much I needed Jeremy.

Today is a day that I will never forget.

It all started with the Stew - I was planning to cook Chicken Stew and wanted to know if Jem wanted any. I dialled his mobile number and a message from the other end said that his phone was not on. OK, maybe he is working in a tunnel and there wasn't any signal. I called 15 minutes later, the same message - OK, maybe he is in a meeting and turned the phone off. An hour turned to two and then three and four - all in all, I lost count of the number of times I called him and ended with the same message.

It's unlike him to turn his phone off as Schedulers will phone him throughout the day for jobs. All sort of things started to run in my brain. Has something bad happened to him? He went to work very early this morning - it's dark, cold and wet - was there an accident?

I am not the panicky type (I think) but you can't blame me because earlier this week, he received a letter from the insurance company confirming his entitlement in the event something untoward happened. He said that Alex and I will be well taken care of if he dies - and I said, don't be silly - I will not be happy even if I am the richest woman without you.
Then last night, he came home from work and said "I missed you, today" - OK, he doesn't say that normally. I was really surprised by that.

So, what do you expect me to think? I was almost out of my mind until I finally got through to him. It turned out that his phone battery was dead and he was surprised that it didn't ring all day. What a relief but at the same time, I could kill him for this!

I don't know what will happen to us if he is not here. I think I am beginning to rely on him too much and this worries me. I may never find another person that I love so much and so in-sync with. He is after all the love of my life and I hope that day will never come - I will be devastated and heart broken.

He came home and apologised for making me worried but also (insulted me) by saying "I am sorry but I never thought that you are so insecure?" Now that is a bit much right? I am not insecure, I am just worried and it also made me realise how much I wanted to walk hand in hand with him for the rest of my life. He didn't mean to insult me but it's a wake up call - I should not rely on him too much!

Well, the Chicken Stew never made it to the oven and you guess it ... it's tomorrow's dinner!

Thinking in pictures.

I am reading this book "Thinking in Pictures" written by an Autistic inventor, Temple Grandin and I finally understand how my son thinks.

Every page I turned gave a new look at how I should communicate with Alex. Not every autistic person thinks the same but most high functioning autistic individual thinks in picture. A neuro-typical person like me would think thoughts in words or text, (how Grandin would put it) but to her and many others, they relate words with images. They think in pictures.

A good example is when I asked Alex if he is hungry, he looks at me blankly trying to understand what I am saying. But as soon as I asked him "Do you want cereal?", he will answer me yes or no. I could see why now because he cannot picture hunger but he can when you gave him an option. He can see cereal in his mind and that is why he gave me an answer. The same goes with, "Do you love mummy?" he looks at me like I have horns on my head but when I say, "Can mummy have a hug?" he will not think twice to give me one.

Understanding what goes inside his mind make things a lot clearer. I wished I read this book earlier - I bought this book six months ago and you know what it's like - when you put it away in a book shelf, it stays there until you have nothing else to read. It's not too late and if I start thinking in pictures, I could communicate better with Alex.

The decorations are finally up!

It's been a very productive day for us today. Although it's been raining almost all day, we managed to visit Kennel Lane in the morning and then went to Bracknell town centre to get some Christmas cards. We had our coffee and tea at Waterstones (Bookstore - strange but the best coffee are always in a bookstore - wonder why?) and then to Longacre to get a wreathe, a Christmas tree and a few toys for Alex. Picked the boy up from nursery and back home to decorate the house. Didn't realise we did this much until I sat down to compose my blog.

What are our thoughts about Kennel Lane?

The facilities are amazing and the teachers are enthusiastic. There are plenty of space for the children to move about, a swimming pool shared by the Primary and the Secondary school. Sensory room, soft gym area, workstations and more. In short, there is nothing that we can find to complain about the school BUT ...... we cannot see Alex in this school.

Why? Because, the children that we saw today are all with severe learning difficulties. Perhaps as parents, we don't see our children like others but we know what we feel about the school and we know that if we place Alex in Kennel Lane, he will regress rather than progress. Although the facilities and support are there, we feel that mainstream school is more for Alex than a Special Need school.

Of all the schools and resource centre that we saw, we still feel that Rainbow is a better option. Unfortunately, they are not able to accept new pupils. I will try to speak to Neel and see if she could twist a few arms to get Alex in.

A rush of adrenalin ..... (I think)

As I said, we went to Bracknell town centre to get some Christmas cards. Went into WH Smiths and chose a few pack of cards - we took it slow and walk about the store and suddenly ...... the fire alarm rang and we were told to leave the unpaid items at the till and leave the Mall. I have never seen an evacuation so slow ..... people walked to the nearest exit and still window shopping. So, we went to the bookstore instead to get our coffee and cards from Clinton. Went back to the Mall an hour later to collect our car but still don't know what the drama is all about.

Lights lights lights

What do you do with a live Christmas tree? You decorate it and then decorate some more. We put up Christmas lights on the windows, along the gutter with running lights, on the Christmas tree and put the wreathe on the door. It looks good but we need more lights. I am going to B&Q to get more this week.

All in all, we have a dramatic and productive day!

It's still raining out there!

I seemed to have lost my energy for everything. I am supposed to get all excited about decorating the Christmas tree .... blah ... I feel yuck all over.

We had the Christmas tree down from the attic and it's now at the corner of the room. Jeremy's put the lights on but I haven't the mood nor the energy to decorate it. I had this fancy idea a few days ago to decorate it with Jem and Alex - then we take turns to film it on video and make a music video of the event.

This grey sky and yucky weather is taking all the fun out of a person. It's neither cold nor warm - it's one of those in-betweens where you can't wear the nice winter clothing nor the smart autumn coats. Urghhhh I want to scream!

Anyway, I am sure something good will come out of this - just like everything else. Remember my dodgy stomach episode two weeks ago ... and the cough? Well, the good thing is .... I lost one dress size and I kinda like it and will keep it that way.

I think I may have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) - growing up in a country with plenty of sunshine, we tend to take things for granted. Boy, if I really do have SAD, I am glad I am not in Sweden or Norway. I wouldn't have survived.

Talking about Sweden, I quite like the country. Been to Gottenburg once with my ex for one day I think .... and visited museums and walk about town. I didn't have many picture of that trip or any trip that I have been with my ex. He is a trained photographer and all he is ever interested in was taking photos of landscapes and everything else but human! We always have fights over it and I cannot say I enjoyed any one holiday with him. We've been to quite a few countries in Europe but no pictures. He brought his camera but no us in any of the photos. It's like that chapter of my life with him doesn't exist.

I am sure it's not easy on him as well - we are both very different people. I used to believe that opposites attracts .... yeah right ... only magnets do but .... relationships ... it is better to be "samey" because you want to enjoy things together as a couple and not fight each other all your life. It's OK to have an argument every now and then but fighting every time we go for a holiday? It's exhausting!

So glad that Jeremy and I don't have this problem and I hope my past have taught me something.

Urgghhh .... it's the second of December today!

Where did time went? It's twenty three days to Christmas, and then another seven to 2008. We have decided to decorate BIG TIME for Christmas this year, to celebrate all the good things in life and ..... I am turning 38 on Christmas day!

Isn't that wonderful? Ha ha ha

Alex said "Hello" very clearly yesterday when Jeremy walked in the door. He also said "Go Home" when we were at his grandparents' house. His speech is coming along and I suspect he can say those words when he wants to. As soon as you ask him to repeat, he clamped up and hum the sound of the word.

He discovered Garfield and is hooked. Thanks to his Grandmother .... (ha hah a) we could memorise the scenes of both movies and backwards too. He had to watch at least twice a day and when he wants Garfield, he has this very cute grin on his face. We knew what he wanted and we gave in - who can resist that cute little button nose?

He wants Garfield again ..... as I am writing this. It's a feel good show I must admit and Bill Murray did a great job with Garfield's voice. It reminded me so much of Bill, my brother in law - the way he talks, the sarcasm (playfully) and even the way Garfield laid on the couch, looked like Bill. I didn't imagine that, Jeremy noticed that too when we first watch the show.

Anyway, it's been raining for three days now and I really hope it will stop in the next two days - just so we could put the Christmas decoration outside. I just love to look at Jeremy's face when I said "let's put an inflatable Santa on our front yard and rein deers and sleigh with lots of light above the garage". It's hilarious to watch his face when I said that ..... "No ... no .... no way". Where is the spirit of Christmas?

We both believe less is more and if we over do it, it's going to look bad. We like it simple and yet festive. Two years ago, I put a live Christmas tree outside our front door with some ornaments and lights - it looked good. So, I am going to the Garden centre in the next few days to get a nice tree for outside and take the artificial tree from the attic for inside. Yes, Alex .... we need a fake tree inside.

I am just so excited. I am like a kid when it comes to decorating the Christmas tree. Twenty Three Days to Christmas!