Adrinna called this afternoon. She read my blog and had to call me to assure me that my son is normal. My only problem is having a stubborn little sod. My instinct agrees with her 100% but it's nice to hear it from someone else. Although, we are far apart - I know she is really close to me (if that make sense).

Good news!!! In fact it's great news!!! Joshua won three GOLD MEDALS for Gymnastics. I am just so very proud of him. There's always a lump in my throat when I think of my nieces and nephews, I can't help it!

Everytime I think of Josh, I always see him as the two year-old toddler walking with his hands tuck behind him (like a little old man). I went to Florida in 2001, both Josh and Adrinna came to meet me at Orlando Int. Airport. That image will always remain inside me. He was just so adorable in fact, sometimes Alex reminds me of Josh. They have a slight resemblance and can pass off as brothers.

Erin on the other hand, I cannot believe that she has grown so much. This picture was taken recently and my Erin will always be the one year-old who cried in my car because his cousin, Yujiro (then three) bit her on the leg because I said "Erin, can I bite your drumstick?" he took it literally.

Everyone of my nieces and nephews has a special place in my heart. That's why, when I hear how well they have done - I am just so proud of them.

I'll like to introduce my godson, Jun Hua a.k.a. Jonathan. He is turning one next month and very advanced for his age. He looks just like his brother Yujiro, whose turning 13 next month (the brothers are my sister Sue's children).

When you live abroad alone and away from your family, you see things differently. Relationships are seldom taken for granted - we used to fight like cats and dogs but now as a family, we are stronger than ever. Distance does make the heart go fonder.

Adrinna and I can understand each other better than anyone else. We got closer over the years and appreciate each other better. As we became mothers, our perspective changed - what used to be important are now petty. Our children comes first and then the rest.

I do wish I could hug one of my sisters now and have them assure me that everything will be fine with Alex.

The next time I see either one of them will be Adrinna. Jeremy, Alex and I will be visiting her in Tallahassee next year for Erin's "Bahmitzva".

I had to share this as my little Alex is just so cute. I am trying potty training again and letting him get use to the toilet when he kept singing non-stop. I had to get the camera and this is what it's like.

Driving home from Alex's nursery, I was in a daze. I dropped him off and was heading to the door when his key carer, Jenni told me that she had arranged for a SENCO (Special Education Need Co-Ordinator) to observe Alex next Monday and if it's OK with me. I agreed as this was discussed about a month ago.

I read an article in Reader's Digest last month about autism and noticed some symptom in Alex and was worried. I told Jenni the next day and she tend to agree with me although she wasn't sure as some children may have similar symptoms but are normal. The more I observed Alex, the less likely he is autistic because he is such a happy child and he knows more than you give him credit.

People say "Mother knows best" but perhaps I was trying not to admit that there is a problem. Maybe, my nightmare does actually have a meaning after all. Could the duvet signify my own secure world of a loving man and a beautiful son? The invisible entity pulling my duvet away was actually telling me that perhaps there is a problem that I refused to admit?

Maybe I am just reading into things too much. But, if Alex does have a problem, what will his future be? I know that we will love him as we do now - what if ?

I will just have to be patient and carry on as usual. Wait for the result from the observation and plan my next move. Maybe it's nothing at all.

I had a nightmare last night. It's a strange one as it's totally irrelevant to my current state of mind. I was sleeping on my bed with Jeremy on my side in the dream and someone (althought I couldn't see anyone there) was pulling my duvet away from me. I was holding onto my duvet for dear life and was trying to call out to Jeremy to help me pull the duvet back. I open my mouth but nothing came out and I could not wake Jeremy either and the only sound I could hear myself make was mmmmmm........ The next thing I knew was Jeremy calling my name asking what was wrong? And then I knew I had a nightmare.

I recently read an article in Reader's Digest about dreams. Dreams are a way for the subconscious to communicate with the conscious mind. Dreaming of something you're worried about, researchers say, is the brain's way of helping you rehearse for a disaster in case it occurs. I wonder if there is going to be a shortage of Duvet in the near future?

It's one of those days that you wished you could scream your lungs out. For no apparent reason of course. Even after I had my haircut, I still feel ..... there isn't a word for it.

For the first time in years since I threw a book at my ex, I haven't felt like this before. It's seems like I have a lot of anger in me and I have been trying to calm myself down all day.

Poor Jeremy came home from work today while I was cooking and went straight upstairs for a quick shower ready to go out again with me and Alex (we have been invited to Jenny's house for a potluck party). By the time I was done cooking, I got into the shower and discovered there were no hot water. I had to wash my hair in ice cold water, but I could also feel myself burning. I really wanted to scream and to make matter worse, he was trying to get Alex dressed and could not find a decent pair of trousers for him. He was going on and on about not finding one that I just could not control it any longer. I SNAPPED!!!! Felt like a total BIT*H after that - thank GOD he understood that I was actually suffering from PMS.

Rage is not a good feeling. I do not like feeling this way especially having to snap at anyone. I felt really bad now and just wished that I could make up to him in some way.

Hair, hair, hair - all over the place. Drives me crazy especially after washing my hair. Hairs in the plughole, hairs on the floor, in the sink and not to mention take me ages just to dry them. I've had ENOUGH and I have decided to get rid of them. I'm doing a "Britney" and I don't care what Jeremy says!!! [Well, not to that extend anyway ;-)]

I woke up this morning and decided, I AM going to have a haircut. Sent Jeremy to work, fed Alex his breakfast, dropped him off at the nursery and off I went to Princess Square in Bracknell town centre to have my hair cut. It took Lucy, the hairstylist two hours to have them washed, cut and styled. I must say she did a fantabulous job. Since young, I have always been quite selective of whom should be allowed to cut my hair and I have finally found someone who can do a good job to keep them nice. Good job doesn't come cheap I can tell you. But, I think it's worth every penny - if Jeremy knows how much I spent today, he would have said "WHAT???? I can have my hair cut 5 times with THAT kind of money". Well, I am not going to tell him how much and he will not get it out from me for sure.

Talking about Britney, I somehow felt sorry for her and it's quite unfortunate that the media targetted her and made her look incompetent. Being rich has it's disadvantages and I am quite happy to have a roof over my head and food on the table. I have always been ambitious and materialistic, but since Alex - everything changed. I am quite contented to have my love ones by my side, to be healthy and happy. I am glad that Jeremy has the same view as me and we are really connected. Not a single day passed without me thanking my lucky star that I have found him (well, actually he found me - that's another story) and we are blessed with Alex.

It's coming to four years and I still have that butterfly effect everytime I see him. I can't help it, when we go out, I had to pinch his bottom and when he looks at me, he still gives me that wink.

We were just talking the other day, we have turned into one of those couples who could finish each others sentences and we are going to stop at that. NO matching jumpers on Christmas!!!

Not much happening since my last blog, but we've had a great day out yesterday to IKEA. We have decided to spend our money on home improvement this year instead of going away.

To think of it, it's quite funny that we rather spend thousands of pound just to go away for a couple of weeks and then feel that we needed another holiday just to recover from the first one. Last year, we've done some travelling especially me with Alex. I think I am quite happy not doing a long-haul flight for sometime.

Anyway, we have done quite a bit to the house lately and both Jeremy and I are in the mood to do more. It's very satisfying to see the house looking nice for a change - not done anything since Alex arrived. And it cost less than you would think - we done all the work ourselves - especially Jeremy.

We started with the bathroom upstairs two years ago, costs us nearly £10,000 and then the kitchen last year while I was away with Alex on our second trip home to Malaysia. Jeremy did most of the work except for a little help from a friend and his dad, of course. The utility area last week and now, our study. I am just so excited to start D.I.Y ing again - brought back great memories where we put up the wardrobe in our room together nearly 4 years ago. This sunday is going to be our fourth anniversary and I don't know what to get Jeremy yet. Any suggestion?

"Phew! I really need that. I told Jeremy that today is my day of rest. I am not doing anything and will stay in bed till late morning. He was great!!!

He woke up early and got Alex ready for nursery. He took him in and came straight back to make me breakfast (it's not unusual for him to make me breakfast in bed) and a massage as well. I must be the luckiest woman on earth ;-)

I always enjoyed collecting Alex from the nursery. He gives me the biggest smile and it just melts your heart. He will drop everything and run to me as if he hasn't seen me in ages. Twenty two hours of labour is definately worth it!!!

"Gong Xi Fa Cai direct translation from Mandarin means congratulations to prosperity. This is what you normally greet others on Chinese New Year. It's the year of the golden PIG or some would say BOAR depending on individual intepretation.

We had a party for supposedly eleven adults and six children plus some firework display but on the very last minute we only had eight adults including ourselves and five children. Everyone enjoyed themselves. It was a potluck where each guest bring their own dish. Amelia, her husband and son Anson came with a curry chicken - a dish that drew in her man, David ;) June my cousin, her husband Richard and daughter Brenda came with a fried noodles (it was good - I had two helpings) and Jenny, her husband another David with their two children came with a Pandan cake - beautifully done and everyone loved it. Me ? I made steamboat and we had a great time chatting and getting to know each other better.

I spent all day cleaning yesterday and it's all worth it in the end. A new start to a great year and I am really positive about it. Whatever that has been bothering me last year have now come to an end with a promising future.

There is nothing I want more than to have world peace (did I just said that?) Seriously, nothing is more important than health and family. I don't mind winning the lottery either but what I am really looking forward to is the Reader's Digest £250,000 draw next week. I sure hope my positive attitude will attract good fortune - ha haha.

"Well, we have decided to give Alex a break. He is not ready for Potty Training yet!

We will try him in 2 weeks and hopefully, it will be easier for him. Too much happening at the same time for such a small person. He just started nursery, we are refurbishing the house, expect him to sleep in his own bed (he has been sleeping with us for sometime), learn to feed himself and now potty training. I could understand why he find it difficult to do it - all his three years of life, he has been doing his stuff in the nappy, being fed etc and we expect him to change overnight? It's just too much to handle.

Jeremy was totally stressed by this and I had to be the calm one. NOT FAIR!!! I am stuck in the middle - I want to be unreasonable for a change, I want to scream and I want to do a lot of stuff but I have a child to think of. So, here I am writing all these down and it helped.

"Alex is three today!!! I just could not believe that it has been three years - looking at my sleeping child, I cannot imagine myself not being a mother.

I went to collect Alex from his nursery this afternoon and accidently caught him brushing his own teeth without any fuss. He had led us to believe that he is incapable of doing so himself, both Jeremy and I had been fooled. Our son, this tiny little devil is a master in manipulating. One of his carer, Kelly told me today that he drank water from a cup with no help. I could not believe it!!! Seems like the minute he turned 3, he changed overnight - he NEVER drinks water (only pure fruit juice diluted with water) and let alone in a CUP (he loves his AVENT bottle)? He is also more aware of what others are doing compared to yesterday. I am just so proud of my son.

Hip hip hurray, hip hip hurray, hip hip hurray for Alex !!!

"There are two things to celebrate today. The first, it's Valentine's Day and Jeremy, the love of my life gave me a watch. It's not a surprise as I have been hinting all week what I wanted but, he did impressed me by selecting a design that I quite like. Beside the watch, he also made my utility area looking really smart. He put up all the cabinets that we bought from IKEA two weeks ago. I am so proud of him and of course the KISS on Valentine's Day.

My second celebration - TA DAH ....... Alex peed into his pot this morning. Yeah !!! I don't know if it's by chance or that he really understood but I will celebrate anyway. He did manage to wet himself a few times after that. Tomorrow WILL be a better day.

"S**t it, I am having a break today and enjoy my son for a change. In fact, I felt alot better today after our day out to London with Amelia, my girlfriend and her son Anson. It's so comforting to know that every parents went through the same thing. They forget after awhile - those difficult times.

I was extremely proud of Alex today, for a start - he slept through the night in his own bed and only came to me this morning. He was very well behaved all day despite much walking and not having his daily nap. I just had to give him a big hug and kisses when we got home. We both needed this time out and I believe I can go through the training again tomorrow.

I feel horrible now. I met with Alex's nursery key carer today and she told me that Alex refused to feed himself and they had to feed him his lunch. He sometimes feed himself depending on what he's given but generally, he hasn't mastered the spoon yet. He can feed himself with a fork though, but he is quite lazy - often ending being fed by me. It was much quicker to feed him than letting him dilly-dallying. It is definately my fault!!!

She said that all the other three year-olds are already feeding themselves and that I should back off a little by letting him try feeding himself. And I did tonight and he ended up without dinner and I feel like a monster. I just wished that someone would tell me that I am doing the right thing.

If someone were to think of a "Potty Training" Camp and "Feeding Yourself" Camp, I'll be the first to enrol. Just imagine, Alex potty trained and can feed himself when they return him to me ..... Hmmm SWEET.

"My sister Adrinna called today. She detected some stress in my voice and convince me that I shouldn't put a deadline in potty training my son. I have to agree with her and after all, she knows what she was talking about with two highly gifted kids that I am proud to call my niece and nephews.

We can't expect all kids to be the same. Some get it straight away and others take longer and frankly, it was my fault for not training Alex sooner. He is so comfortable doing it in his pants that sitting on the potty is just to please mum. I have been very patient with him today and not raise my voice once. I just have to persevere and hope he will get it right soon.

Like Adrinna said, a leading paediatrician in US said try him with no pants on all day for two weeks and Seventy Five Dollars later (that's how much you pay for someone to clean your carpet) it will surely work. Well, I'll just have to keep my fingers cross but I will definately put something on him but I am prepared to have my carpet cleaned.

"Was I being too hard on him?" the words kept churning in my mind while pushing my cart in Sainsburys.

Alex is turning 3 next week and still not potty trained. There were few attempts months ago but failed, I was determined to succeed this time. The thing with Alex is, he is quite contented with his life and bribery does not work. Star charts are a waste of time because he doesn't know the concept of being rewarded.

Everytime I put him on the potty, he just sat there and do nothing. As soon as he gets up, he does it in his pants. I tried being very very patient with him but that failed. So, I tried the hard way, I smacked him on the butt and I know it hurt me more than him. I just do not know what else to do except to keep hoping that he will eventually master this skill tomorrow.