Took Alex to see "Make Way for Noddy" at a theatre in Guildford.

Harshita, one of the mothers from Tuesday's Family Support Group at Margaret Wells won some tickets to see Noddy and asked me if I would like to go.

She has a four year-old son, Spash and a two year-old daughter Pehu.

It was a two set of 40 minutes show and we missed the first twenty minutes because we couldn't find a parking space. Alex enjoyed the show so much that he clapped at the end of the show. We then went to Debenham's coffee shop for tea. Whilst I was chatting with Harshita, Alex and Spash were running around chasing each other. It was so funny because he couldn't talk and Spash could understand his grunts. Alex has a friend to play with and he was being spontaneous as well. I have never been happier.

He has been very very good today. He ate his dinner all by himself with no fuss - he even climbed onto his new chair without us telling him to. I bought the junior chair at IKEA last Tuesday - so that Alex could join us at the dinning table and not sitting alone on his high chair.

No tantrum even though he missed his afternoon nap. He went to bed at 8 tonight and still sleeping soundly on his own bed. But ...... for how long?

What's this faint sound I am hearing coming from downstairs?

My eyes are still shut and I could hear ........ Urgh! Urgh!
Where is it coming from? Am I dreaming?

And then, I realised it's Alex. Urgh is his way of saying Help!
I opened my eyes, looked at the clock .... it's 7:00am and my little boy is calling for help. I called out to him and asked where he was? I ran downstairs and guess what?

He was in the lounge, sitting on the floor with his handful of toys. He had his new aeroplane, two passengers, two small planes, one car, a train carriage and a bus. He could not get up because his hands are full. I stood there laughing and helped him with his toys. He gave them to me one by one and then led me upstairs to my bed. He played with his toys while I tried to get back to dreamland - proven impossible!

We went to London today.

First to Maidenhead to pick my cousin June and her daughter Brenda. They both adore Alex and he adores Brenda. He will do anything she asked him to - just like when he was in KL with Jade.

We went to IKEA and then to Oriental City for lunch. Had a great day and Alex was having so much fun with Brenda. They chased each other in the supermarket and hug each other like siblings. No tantrums, missed his afternoon nap but very happy because Brenda is with him.

This is the kind of relationship I yearn for Alex - having someone to play with him. This September, Brenda will attend senior school and things will change. She is older and it won't be the same anymore.

Moving to America means more to us now but the Visa situation is a nightmare. There are so much information to absorb and most of the time, it meant nothing to us. We need to engage a professional to advise us of our options. There are different work permits and dependents are not allowed to work. Some charge $4000 fee to help with visa and you just don't know if these people are credible.

Anyone knows anyone who can help?

And you think it's safe to take Alex shopping.

My son has grown up all of a sudden.

It's a Monday Bank Holiday today and Jem's at work. I thought I'll take my little boy to Bracknell town centre for a nice walk - for a change. I wanted to get some scrunchies for my hair and maybe another cake tin to bake two cakes at the same time.

As soon as we walk into the mall to get to Bentalls - Guess what? They're closed! (on a Bank Holiday? - what were they thinking?) So, Alex and I walked aimlessly around town to see what we could see. Well, mainly it's Alex. He was the pilot for the day, pulling my hands walking in and out of shops.

First, it was the bookstore "Waterstone". He took me to the children's book section and there was an aquarium with a few small fish. He watched them go round for one nano-second and then asked to go into the lift by the aquarium. I asked him to press the lift and he did just that. All the while refused to let me stop to look at some books.

Then, he took me to the outdoor fountain at the town square. We sat there for about 10 minutes watching the fountain dance. You could see he was really pleased with himself. After that, he took me to McDonalds - I asked if he wanted to go somewhere else but he insisted on McD and that was that. So, we did as the Prince ordered and he fed himself with one tiny help from mummy - getting the food to the table.

As we came out from McD ........ he conveniently pulled me into ELC (Early Learning Centre) and started to play with the toys on display. And then I saw the wooden "Click Clack Cars" - the Speech Therapist used them to assess him and thought it would be a good idea to get one for Alex. But, Alex has other ideas ...... he saw an aeroplane and grab hold of the box and insist that I get them. I have never seen my son so adamant and I said "alright, take this to the lady and pay for it" He obediently took the toy to the counter, gave the cashier the box and I gave him my credit card. He took my card and hand it to the cashier and smiled. How sweet was that?

I still thought it's a good idea to get him the wooden click clack car (but knowing Alex, a good toy to me is not to him. He will play with it for a few seconds to satisfy me and never touch it again) but I know it will end up like the other educational toys that I bought and forgotten in the toy box.

So, we walked out the shop with one happy child who can't wait to get home to play with it.

And true, as soon as we got home - he wanted me to take them out from the box and played with it. He even took the plane to his bed for his afternoon nap and woke up playing with it again.

I am so happy that my son has finally grown and all because we had warm and sunny weather for the past four days.

Yippee ......

He is officially weaned off from his Avent bottles and they are all in the recycle bin now. What's even better, he fed himself last night without us prompting him. How he grew in a matter of days - we are so happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

We won the lottery as well. Three numbers in the Euromillion draw and we won £16.40 - he he he (you have to start somewhere).

Did quite a bit of research about moving to Florida and it's looking rather daunting. Not impossible but there are so much to consider and Alex may have to go into private education until we get a permanent resident status.

Now, a big lottery win - say ...... a million pound would be sufficient to make the move.

Great News!

We've just got a letter from the Speech and Language Therapist this morning. Alex will start a block of one to one therapy from 11th September. I am just so excited - I can't wait. Been waiting for this since forever but not that long actually - compared to many people.

The next thing is waiting to hear about the NAS Early Bird programme and appointment with the Occupational Therapist. There's a national shortage of OT and I do wish that someone would come up with a workshop for parents with children waiting for OT. That way, we can have practical exercises to help our child while waiting.

The NAS Early Bird was supposed to start in September but there aren't enough family to start the course. There should be at least 4 families to start the programme and as far as I know, we are short of one family. Christina, our Project Manager is aiming for January 08 to start the course and I cannot really say I hope it will happen soon. It means, another child will have to be diagnosed with ASD and I do not wish for anyone to go through what we've gone. Tricky huh?

Check the lottery this morning. No luck ........ yet (always look at the bright side).

We had our lounge carpet cleaned by professional yesterday and boy ...... money well spent. The carpet looked "spanking" new -there were really tough stains on the carpet - tried with all kinds of carpet cleaners available on the shelves - nothing works.

Anyway, the carpet needed at least six hours of drying time, we had to leave the house (our home life is mainly in the lounge).

We took Alex to Legoland again. Yes ..... the annual pass is worth every penny. It was a "yucky" day again - raining and very heavy as well.

Went to the Guest Services counter first to register Alex's "Exit Pass" status (brought the letter confirming his diagnosis) and had our arms stamped as the pass.

We said, we will only use it when necessary - as soon as we said that ......... look at those queues! From where we were standing - expect to wait for an hour at least to get on any ride. Alex was fidgeting and he was so excited looking at the rides. We thought, we'll try using the "exit pass" and waited at the exit for the next ride.

It wasn't easy for us to stand there and wait for the next ride when all other people are waiting in line for ages. We were so used to queuing like everyone else, it felt wrong. But ....... if we don't, we will have one cranky child and wasting valuable time waiting in line.

Alex totally enjoyed the experience and although it's not easy for us but we can live with it. We will still want Alex to learn to queue like everyone else.

It's getting harder and harder to update my blog.

Every time I come near the computer, Alex wants my attention and I had to turn it off without doing what I intended to do in the first place. Sometimes, he will turn my computer off without me knowing it.

I can update my blog when he is asleep or at nursery but with this horrid weather, you just don't feel like doing anything. I borrowed two books from the library and managed to finish both within two weeks. At least, there are some good out of this miserable grey weather.

We have been watching a lot of channel 4 in the afternoon lately. They have programmes like "Place in the Sun", "Relocation Relocation" and "A new life". Jem has been talking about getting a place in the sun or emigrate to Australia or Canada.

I have done the uprooting thing once and I am not prepared to start all over in a new place at this age. We discussed about Alex's future and both thought it would be a good idea to move closer to family. I suggested Tallahassee, Florida - close to Adrinna and Alex will have Josh and Erin to play with and grow up with.

The more we talked about it, the more likely we will do it. I am quite excited to be honest but there are few things that we must really consider. Buying a house it Tallahassee is not a problem because if we sell our house in England, we could buy one for half the price and no mortgage to worry about. Jem will have to look for a job but what? We did talk about starting a business but again what? We know Alex will be happy because he was very happy with a lot of people around him. He was really good with my family when we were back in KL last year.

Our main concern is Jem's parents - we cannot leave them and it would be really nice if they would come with us. I have always wanted to celebrate Christmas with a large family - decorating the tree together, cooking a festive meal for the lot, playing games and get drunk afterwards. What fun. It's like Chinese New Year at home and it's always busy and Jem is really envious of what I have.

We talked about having at least four bedrooms house with a pool and a covered patio. He could have his pool table in the patio and convert one of the rooms to a music/guest room. I have my open concept kitchen with a breakfast area and an island for food preparation. The kitchen overlook the family room and with a view of the pool. In the summer (real summer), we could see Alex run around with his cousin or friends - how I wished I could have it all now.

Let's hope we'll win some money tonight and it would make our dream come true and if Jem's mum and dad would come with us, it's even better.

Now that my cough is pretty much gone .... except the occasional cackle here and there, I had the urge to bake again.

We have fresh fruits and vegetables delivered to us every Thursday and for the last two weeks, I haven't had my regular serving of fruits. We have so much plums, bananas. green gages (these little green things are so sour, I find it hard to eat them just like that) in the fridge that the only way to use them is baking a cake. I baked a Banana Walnut Tea bread and a Green gages Cake (the recipe is for plums but I used green gages instead). The result - mind blowing sour but yum yum yum.

Took the Banana Walnut Tea bread to Family Support at Margaret Wells and everyone enjoyed it. The support workers at the centre look forward to my cakes. Jem said not to bring the Green gages cake in as he loved them so much.

I had a surprise call from my friends Majid and Alena today. They live in Las Vegas now and they were on their way to their restaurant when they called. Alena said she missed me so much and I shared the same sentiment. We have all been so busy with our family and the eight hours time difference between us made it quite difficult to just pick up the phone and call.

They have plans to come back to England for good and I am looking forward to that day. It's funny how friends meet and stay close even when they are apart.

Took Alex to the GP to be referred to a Urologist.

A date has been set in September to have his "Family Jewel" examined again. Most likely, Alex will have to have a circumcision done.

My cough is clearing and this irritating little lump of mucus stuck somewhere and I have this urge to cough the bloody thing out.

Took Alex to Sainsburys this morning after the doctor's appointment, he is just so very cute. Smiling to everyone trying to get their attention. Unfortunately, not all Brits embraces the multi-cultural society that Britain has become - especially some OAPs. No smile from this "old git" behind us at the checkout. I could not believe anyone could resists Alex's cheeky smiles.

I find it really hard to make friends with the English. You could never get an honest answer from them - I mean, they are nice to you because they want to be seen as polite but as soon as you turn your back, it's something else. Perhaps, I have some form of Asperger Syndrome (only applicable in the UK) myself - I cannot read the facial expression and body language of the Brits.

A good example is the family support group. Everyone talk like friends in the centre and as soon as you walk out, they don't even look at you or anything. How bizarre?

I miss Malaysia so much, I missed my family and friends. What you see is what you get.

Still coughing my guts out and very tired from last night's adventure.


Had to wake up early to go to the GPs for my appointment. I was prescribed with a 5-day course of antibiotic. The doctors here are quite reluctant to give you antibiotic and you had to be half dead in order to get some sympathy. If in KL, I would be given antibiotic from the start of my cough. I do not know which is better for a patient? The former or the latter?


I was too poorly to go with Alex and Jeremy for our long awaited Speech Therapy re-assessment appointment. The outcome - we will be given several dates in September to start therapy - yippee!

Just got back from the hospital with Jeremy and Alex.



What a dramatic night ..... phew!!!



It all started with Alex walking like "John Wayne" and then a very swollen "Family Jewel". I have never seen him in such a distress state. He had so much pain when he passed urine and what's worst? He likes drinking.



Both Jeremy and I panicked and quickly took him to Heatherwood Hospital's Minor Injury Unit but they closed at 10pm. One look at my watch .... oh no! it's 10:20pm.



Luckily, I found a sign that says Out of Hours Clinic - Entrance on the left. We went in and fill in some forms and was seen by a doctor within 15 minutes. We were quite impressed with the service. The receptionist told us that it's an appointment basis clinic and she will take us in this time but if in future, we need to see a doctor "after hours" we have to call in advanced. Good to know but I hope - none of us would need it.

Two doctors examined Alex to be sure and both had different opinions - both were not wrong either. The first said "Phimosis" and the second one said "Acute Balanitis" but they knew it's urgent and referred Alex to ward 24 at the Wexham Park Hospital - 12 miles away.

By the time we reached the hospital, it was almost midnight and the three of us were just so tired with the rushing about that Alex fell asleep while waiting. The Paediatrician on duty came and "poke" about - needed the surgeon to look at "it" as well - then, the surgeon took one look, poke about and confirmed it's "Phimosis and Acute Balanitis". All these attention on a three year-old "Family Jewel" but the owner is fast asleep and took no notice. He was given a 5 day-course of antibiotic and told us to return to our GP to be referred to a Urologist.

All in all, it took 5 professionals and three hours to confirm the diagnosis. What did Alex do? He slept all the way through the examination, the car journey home and went straight to bed when we got home.

Still coughing my lungs off.

It's been officially one week now and I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. It looks more and more like a chest infection and I could hear myself wheezing. Jem made an appointment with the GP for me tomorrow morning and I am asking for some antibiotics.

Accompanied Jem to the Prince Charles Eye Clinic at the King Edward Hospital in Windsor today. When he went for an eye test at Boots Optician three months ago, the optometrist told him that she suspects Glaucoma. That made us really worried but today's appointment put our mind at ease. The consultant is very confident that Jem doesn't have glaucoma but will want to see him again in 6 months time before he officially discharge him.

I watched ABC's Brothers and Sisters this morning (had it recorded because it was quite late when they show it on TV) and I cried so much. I have been following the series for 8 weeks now and every episode is as good as the last. It made me miss my wonderful siblings - I can't believe that I am actually saying this. It also made me think that Alex may never experience this kind of love I shared with my brother and sisters. The funny thing about family is ...... you will never know how much you love them until you are away. We are always at each other's throat when we were all together under the same roof but we are also highly protective of each other.

If I were to write a book about my family, it would be a very interesting one. Each one of us will have a chapter on it's own and the things that we all went through is unbelievable.

We are Asians and it's hard for us to openly tell each other how much we appreciate and love each other. Life is too short - even though we are all too busy with our lives, we shouldn't forget to stop and think about each other.

It's comforting to know that I have my brother and sisters to turn to when I need them and vice versa.

Great! I have completely lost my voice.

Three sleepless night in a row and hopefully it will stop there. The funny thing is I don't feel awfully tired after taking the Chinese cough syrup. I used to have dehydrated skin around the nose and mouth area but this time, no sign of dryness nor irritation.

Last week, the weather people predicted that there won't be any summer this year - the rain and flood. But, the past week have been scorching here in the southeast and it's quite impossible to sleep at night without the fan.

It's a no win situation for me. I can't sleep with the fan on - coughing badly and if I turned it off, I couldn't sleep either because it's so hot and sticky. Oh Man...............

Felt like my lungs will collapse any minute.

I have been coughing since Thursday and I am supposed to get worst before I could get better. Right this minute, it feels like I might drop dead before I had the chance to recover.

I've tried everything in the past but nothing seemed to work. So, this time .... I didn't bothered to take anything. Last night - I could not sleep, so yesterday morning I went to the Chinese supermarket in Reading to get a bottle of "King To Nimjiom Pei Pa Kao".

After taken three times (the last was 5 minutes ago), the cough is not as intense - but rather more effective. I hope I could get back to sleep soon.

I'll just watch some chinese series that I downloaded from Veoh.com (Sue told me about this site two days ago and it's rather good).

Ever wondered if you relationship with your partner would be anything like your parents' when you get older?

A question I asked myself when I was in the shower tonight. I didn't really think much about it since my last telephone conversation (1 hour 15 minutes) with Adrinna on Wednesday - we always catch up when either one of us goes back to KL.

You tend to look at your family in a different way when you live abroad and only see them occasionally.

Anyway, the question - just suddenly tap me on the shoulder while I was reading Tess Gerritsen's latest bestseller - The Mephisto Club (she's my favourite author). One of the lead character's parents were having a fight during Christmas dinner and the mum said something about not wanting to make her children choose and do not want to say a bad word about their father before she stormed off.

It made me think deeper and looked at my mum and dad's relationship. You never think about things like that when you were growing up at home. Looking back, my mum is the foundation of the family (it's hidden from view but she has been carrying the weight). She did not say a bad word about or to my dad in front of us when we were growing up, he was the head of the family after all and we respect and fear him.

Things changed as we got older (only when we were all married and with family), my mum poured out her sorrows. We know the truth and she stayed on because of us. It's a love-hate relationship and as their daughter, I cannot judge them nor can I advocate anything. But it made me think if Jem and I would be like them in say 30 years time?

As much as I admire and love my mum, I do not want to grow old like her - relationship wise but I want to be a great mum like her. Many women may think that she is the dumbest woman in the whole wide world - she doesn't keep a penny for herself (everything she has, she gave it to the family) seriously, she doesn't have anything for herself. But, she will always have her five children, their partners and her eight grandchildren loving her every minute.

I want to see myself grow old and still very much in love with Jem. I want to feel every minute like I feel now - thinking of him, missing him and laughing at his jokes. We always joked that when we are in our eighties, we will still be chasing each other around the house - instead of minutes, it turned into days. In order to do that, we keep ourselves in check - there is always two sides to a story and no one is completely right.

Never go to bed angry - always make up before you turn your table lamp off. You may not know what lies ahead and your hurtful words to each other could be the last you'll remember for the rest of your lives.

It's a busy week and finally, a chance to sit down and update my blog while my two dearly beloved are at nursery and work. Here's a summary of what's been happening:

Sunday 29/7/07

Jem came back from work this morning tired as usual after a 12 hours-shift. Managed to find some energy to play with Alex. We were expecting his sister, Sue and husband Peter together with mum and dad for lunch this afternoon. Unfortunately, things never happen as planned - Sue and Peter had diarrhoea - that leaves only the five of us for lunch. We had roast dinner - yum yum yum (my favourite).

Amelia and Anson came over from Oxford to stay for two nights. We planned this last month - taking Anson to Legoland tomorrow.

Monday 30/7/07

Legoland - arrived at 11:00am and the place's packed. It's the school holidays and also a nice summery day - for a change from last week's dreadful rain and flood. Every one's taking their kids out fearing they may not get the chance as bad weather was predicted for the summer.

The queue on every ride is ever so long and if you managed to get on any ride in less that 30 minutes is a miracle. We were there for 5 hours and managed to go on four rides and a lunch break. When we arrived, I told Jeremy that we should go to the customer service to get an exit pass for Alex (this is available to special needs children to enhance their visit). An Autistic child find it difficult to queue and wait - hence, an exit pass will help them enjoy their experience and avoid melt-downs.

We have discussed this in the past and agreed not to use the privilege because we want Alex to learn to wait but circumstances called for a change of heart. If we have the pass, we can choose to queue and when he gets a little edgy, we can use the pass. Unfortunately, Jeremy is adamant that we shouldn't and stick to our agreement. Alex had two melt-downs and we have four deaf ears and four tired arms. We had to take turn carrying Alex because he doesn't like to stand on the ground while waiting (it's quite difficult as everyone is taller than him and there isn't much to see at his level except bums), he screamed a few times but we managed to calm him down. Upon leaving the park, we decided to get an exit pass the next time we visit again.

Tuesday (31/7/07)

Went to Family Support group today.

We usually go on a Wednesday but changed it to Tuesday because it would be better for Alex. He never really warmed up to the Support Group on Wednesdays because he's tired after the whole morning in nursery.

He was a changed boy today, playing and having fun with the support staff. We knew we made the right decision this time. The new families we met today are really pleasant - one child suffer from Cerebral Palsy, another behavioural problems and a baby with chromosome defect.

We thought we had it bad but there are others with bigger problems.

Wednesday (1/8/07)

In bed all day with cold. Thanks to Anson.

Jeremy fussed over me all day and did the housework and gardening. He made me breakfast in bed and lunch in bed and took care of Alex.

I am just so lucky.