A good day - I think.

It turns out that today is Alex's last session of the assessment at Margaret Wells-Furby Children's Centre. According to the schedule we were given earlier, he was supposed to attend four sessions and the last one is next Monday. Jeremy asked them this morning to confirm if next week is still on as it is a Bank Holiday Monday. When we went back to collect Alex, one of the Assessors told us that today is the last session and they have done everything they need to with Alex. We will be seeing them in two weeks time to discuss the outcome of the assessments and the way forward. The other two children that were assessed together with him had to go back the week after. I supposed it's good news for us then - they did expressed how happy they were with Alex.

When we got back home, guess what was in the post for me? I was selected "randomly" to perform Jury duty in June. I cannot believe it - most people will try to get out of this if possible but I am looking forward to it. I've always wanted to see what a real trial is and that my input will make a difference.

When I was 17, I told my mother that I wanted to study law - she said "no". I was really upset then but now I knew why - we couldn't afford it at the time. Since then, I have always liked courtroom dramas and novels. At one point last year, I almost volunteered to be a Magistrate after listening to an advertisement for the position on our local radio.

So, was this a good day? I hope the case that I am supposed to sit in doesn't involved anything too ..... I don't want nightmares.

The new routine for Alex may be great for him but there's a lot of get used to for me. I am finding it a little hard to handle at the moment.

When Alex is not at school, I had to find a whole lot more of activities to fill his day and I am not getting any of my stuff done. I wanted to restart my course but I don't get the chance to even sit in front of the computer for two minutes before I hear a little footstep coming my way. He will point at anything in all directions.

He woke up at 4:00am this morning and then went back to sleep an hour later. He woke up at 7:00am and played with his toys while I sleep. As soon as he finished his breakfast, he wanted to go out and play in the garden. Half an hour on the swing, slide and walk about the garden, he wanted me to set up his new train set. Insist that I play along with him and refused to let me do my housework. After lunch, he was so tired that I let him nap for an hour.

As soon as he wakes up, he wanted to go out again. I took him to Lily Hill Park, just across the road and we spent some quality time together. After that, he refused to go home - he wanted a ride in the car and I had to take him to another park near his nursery.

Got home, cooked dinner and fed Alex. Jeremy came home at 7:40pm and when he saw his dad's car in the driveway, he said "da da da da". Gave Alex his shower and I am beat ......

Jeremy had to tuck him in and seriously, I have no energy...... I am not sure if I can last another day.

Mill Pond

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The best image a parent would love to see.

Alex seemed to love his new routine. Earlier in the week, we decided not to let Alex have his afternoon nap so he would go to bed early and have a full night's sleep.

We had to keep him occupied in the afternoon - took him to parks, out for lunch, to the mall, food shopping etc. He made no fuss of the changes and that's a good thing.

When I went to collect him at the nursery today, I saw Jenni. She just came back from a four weeks break - she had her gall-bladder removed. She told me that she was so pleased to see Alex and the changes in him were amazing. I agreed and thank her for taking the initiative to contact Caroline for us.

We went to Mill Pond again this afternoon to feed the geese. Took some photos and while we were walking around the pond, we asked Alex to say car and he did and when we saw a bus and asked him to say bus - guess what? He hummed the tune "Wheels on the bus". We were just so proud of him.

Nothing extraordinary but something happened today which tells me that Alex is an early starter - he he he.

I learned from Nathan, the nursery manager that little girls in his class likes to take care of him and follows him around. Previously, it was Pippa but lately - a new fan, Amy. When Alex walks in, she will run from the other end of the room to greet him. She showed him how to play with the scooter today and always hold his hand when they had to go somewhere together like getting their coats to go out to the garden. I just can't help it but it does bring a big grin to my face. I am just so happy that my little boy has a girl friend at three.

Took Alex shopping with Alice (my ex's mother) at Camberley.

I haven't been there since Alex was born. I used to go there a lot with Alice years ago - when I was still married to Andrew. Alex adores her and she in return. Had lunch and then went to a petting zoo at Yateley.

This is the first time that Alex got so close to farm animals like pot bellied piglets, llamas, goats, cockerels, ducks and goslings. He was a little scared at the beginning when the piglets were crying for attention but when we were about to leave, he went reluctantly. Those piglets can really oink and they are loud and not to mention ugly. We enjoyed our one mile walk around the lakes and Alex did really well. He walked with us and kept pointing at things - I don't know what, but I had to guess and say words like trees, sky, wind etc. He could be just pointing randomly as he only recently mastered the art of pointing and communicating.

He missed his nap again but went to sleep at eight.

It's has been a busy day today.

Took Alex to Margaret Wells this morning for his assessment. Brought the cake I made last night for the staff there as well.

While waiting for Alex, I went to sit in the lounge and started talking to Linda. Linda's son Josh is three next month and he has the same problem as Alex. They both share the same mannerisms like no language, flapping their hands, extremely jealous, amazingly loving and teeth grinding. They both dislike open areas like shopping mall and children crying. One thing lead to another, we started to talk about our worries and fear for our children. The feelings that I have been feeling for the past few months were not unique. Linda was the same - we both at one point or another blamed ourselves for our children's condition. We have come to accept that it's not our fault - there is a reason why our children are who they are. We are thankful that they are healthy and extremely loving.

Alex finished at 11:30am and we went home to grab a quick lunch and then left for Heatherwood Children Clinic's appointment with the paediatrician consultant at 2:00pm. Waited for one and a half hour and finally saw someone but the consultant. There was a back log because the consultant was late and we only managed to see the liaison officer. He is also a Paediatrician but not experienced enough to diagnose - he asked all the same questions as Dr Irani and then told us that he will have to refer us to the Audiologist and the Speech Therapist. Before he left, he said that he don't believe that Alex is autistic but he is not experienced enough to diagnose. We will have to wait for a letter from the Children Centre at Skimped Hill to invite us for the necessary tests etc. He may just be like his cousin Yujiro, a late talker.

We got home at 4:30pm, Alex missed his nap and went to bed at seven. We decided to change his sleeping pattern from now on - hopefully in one weeks time, he won't need his afternoon nap and go to bed early and sleep through the night.

We went to the Funfair tonight.

I thought I'll take him to experience a bit of a night life - he hehe.

There were so many rides there but many aren't suitable for toddlers. I saw those rides and I wished Jeremy was there with me, so I could go on them and he watch Alex - Jeremy's on night shift today.

Watch the video and you'll see Alex kind of enjoyed it but towards the end, he didn't want to get off. He then lead me to the Bumper cars but he's too young to go on them. He didn't want to go on any of the rides for babies/toddler and continued to pull my hand, taking me around the Funfair. He liked the lights and music but because there were quite a few trouble makers there and Jeremy's not with us, we had to leave soon after.

Got home and baked a cake for tomorrow. I promised the staff at Margaret Wells Children Centre that I'll bake a cake last week. Half way through, Alex was screaming and wanted me to hold him. I turned around and realised what the commotion was about, he saw a spider. He was so frighten of it that he kept digging his head into my chest. Thank god it's well padded (he hehe). I took him upstairs and he sat on the study room floor and I had to go downstairs to check on the cake, he then screamed again and I thought he hurt himself and ran straight up. He was pointing at the spider and cried - I have never seen him so upset before and I guess he is starting to experience fear. It's a good sign and I am glad he showed other emotion besides laughter. As a baby, I seldom hear Alex cry - we thought he was a contented baby and never did we thought otherwise. He only started to laugh whole heartedly about three weeks ago and now fear.

In the past, a day is just another day and nothing seemed significant enough to put in my diary. Alex surprise me everyday and I now look forward to a new day.

Alex and I went to the park to feed some geese today.

It's quite nice to have my own car again. I felt a whole lot different as if I gain new freedom. I could just grab Alex and off we go to somewhere fun.

We went to Mill Pond - about 10 minutes by car. There's a "balanced pond" - Eco-friendly pond for wild-lives, a well-equipped playground and a McDonald's.

We fed some Mandarin Ducks, Canadian Geese, Swan and Seagulls - yes, I know but there are quite a few seagulls stranded in this part of the country. Alex was really scared initially especially when we threw the first few bits and then all of a sudden, seemed like hundreds of them flew to us. I got scared as well and took Alex to higher ground and then fed them. He totally enjoyed the experience. He also took his first ride on the "merry-go-round", a dare-devil by nature I presume.

I then asked him what he wanted to do - he pulled me to McDonald's - seriously, I am not joking. He had nuggets and drank the whole bottle of Tropicana Orange Juice.

We enjoyed our day out and I will continue to stimulate him by letting him experience something new every week.

I have been so efficient today. Maybe it's because the dark cloud that hung over my head for the past few months have slowly disappeared.

I did the laundry, fold the laundry, vacuum the house, baked a batch of muffins and a loaf of Banana and Walnut Tea Loaf. All these while Alex was in nursery.

More progress, yeah .....
Katrina did the handover when I picked Alex up from nursery. She said he played with one of the children this morning - he is interacting with them. I just cannot believe my ears and had to ask her to repeat. Caroline, the SENCO visited Alex today. She was really pleased with his progress and was impressed with the record keeping of Alex's progress.

No wonder the dark clouds above my head gradually disappears. I am so glad that there are so many help at hand and I am sure Alex's progress has much to do with the help he has been getting.

Adrinna rang today to find out about Alex's progress - she was really happy for us. I am grateful that I have family and friends who cared so much for us.

I will continue with my course work next week. It has been more than two months since I last submitted my assignments. The worries and heartache took a toll on my mental health and impossible to concentrate on my studies. The sun is shinning and no dark clouds above my head - there is no excuse not to continue with my studies now.

Can't wait till tomorrow - what will my little boy do next?

To many it may not be significant or even taken for granted, but to me it's a big deal.

For the first time today, Alex pulled me along - leading me to Jeremy's car. He then walked over to our neighbour's house, trying to find out what the noise is all about. He looked into my neighbour's garage and pointed at few things while looking at me to get my attention. He is another step further from being Autistic. It's a good sign because he pointed and asked for attention with eye contact.

When I picked him up from the nursery today, his classmate a little girl saw me and quickly went to Alex and pulled him up from his seat and told him that mummy's here. You should see them - they looked so cute. All his classmates seemed to like him and they all wanted to protect him because he cannot communicate with them. What a strange sight. Alex is taller than most of the kids there yet they all look after him really well. Jeremy told me that when he dropped him off this morning, one of the little boy in his class shouted out "Good Morning Alex". I am just so happy that my little boy has so many friends. He is more confident at the nursery and even enjoyed it.

I am recording his progress on my blog as a reference for the future but mostly, I want to share my joy with everyone who reads this.

Never take what you can do for granted. Able to use a spoon to feed yourself or turning a door knob may seem easy to you but to some people, this is not an easy task. Count your blessing for being normal.

Yippee ....... Jeremy's finally got his car.

We have been looking for a decent car for Jeremy for sometime and finally, we got one today. It's a Ford Mondeo and it's immaculate. For a second hand car, it's worth every penny and more. Although it's not a Mazda 6 (Jeremy's dream car), it is good enough for now.

Jeremy's been bidding on several cars on Ebay and finally won one last week. When we went to see the car, it was not like what's described. Later in the week, he bid on another Mazda 6 and was the highest bidder but the reserve was not met. So, we went to Auto Trader website and found this Mondeo that we bought today. We went to see it last night and it was perfect but we had to make a few checks before we put an offer in.

This morning, Jeremy called the seller and confirmed the sale. Hours later, he shouted from upstairs and said that he received an email from the Mazda 6 seller offering him the car at what he bid for. The car was about 100 miles away from us but I told him that we should drive up to Bedford to see the car before we pay for the Mondeo. After all, the Mazda 6 was his dream car and if he could get the car, then all uncertainties will disappear.

I know Jeremy very very well. If he don't go and see this car and buy the Mondeo instead, there will always be a question mark and "what if"s. Everything happened in fast motion - we had to take Alex out of nursery early and arrange for Jeremy's parents to babysit Alex as we don't want to take him all the way. He can have a nap there and play with his grandparents while we rush about. We have to brave the traffic on M25 and M1 during peak hour and then return to get the Mondeo by 7:00pm (if we didn't like the Mazda 6).

When we finally got there, the car was not as described on Ebay and once again we were disappointed. So, we had to get to the Mondeo by 7:00pm but the traffic on M1 heading towards London was totally at a stand still almost 10 miles from the point of roadworks. Luckily we had our SatNav with us and took an alternate route avoiding the motorway. What a "delight", the SatNav took us through scenic route and country lanes that only one vehicle could pass at any one time. My God! It's a total nightmare and finally we got back in time for the car.

We paid for the car, Jeremy drove his Mondeo and I on my Focus C-Max (yeah, it's mine now) and he sped off in a huff. He was really happy with the car and he definitely has no doubt with his purchase.

Tomorrow, we will go and get a new booster seat for Alex to put in his daddy's car. I am so tired now, I could go to bed this instant.

Yeah ......

We saw the Paediatrician today.

Both Jeremy and I have prepared ourselves for the worst but it wasn't as bad as we would have thought. We spent about 1 hour and 30 minutes with Dr Irani this morning. Started off with answering some questions and then he examined Alex, the usual, ear scan, chest, stomach and reflexes. All of which seemed normal and then he interacted with Alex asking him to stack up blocks, name body parts, understanding of verbs etc. Whilst doing all these, Alex displayed all his hand flapping, teeth grinding and quirkiness.

Dr Irani explained that some normal children may display some autistic symptoms but they will eventually lose them as they mature. Alex displayed all the signs of autistic mannerism. He said that Alex definitely falls in the autism spectrum but on the mildest scale. He said that he is confident that Alex will eventually talk and attend mainstream education. He is highly intelligent and can do or understand more than his peers. He lacks social interaction and I can't recall the actual term he used but something along the line of socially impaired. He will give us a thorough report and then meet in four weeks time to discuss in detail after all the other assessments have been completed. The people at Margaret Wells are very attentive and very positive as well.

When he told us that Alex tick all the boxes for autism spectrum on the mannerism aspect, I felt nothing. Because I knew that he will eventually talk and that he is getting help from people who knows what to do. Dr Irani did mentioned that a lot of Autistic children on the mild scale grows into normal adult and one cannot actually tell that he is autistic. I just hope what he said was true but somehow deep down inside, I know Alex is not. We have another appointment to see another Paediatrician next week and a second opinion would be welcomed.

Based on an hour and a half is not sufficient as Dr Irani said and as parents we know him better than anyone as he may not always co-operate with the assessors.

He excelled in gross motor skills but fine motor skills impaired. Socially, he does not always engage with an eye contact and he excelled intellectually.

To us, Alex will always be our little baby - we will love him and move mountains for him. No label will change that.

We were out in the garden while Jeremy sleeps in. He came back at 7:30am this morning from a twelve hour night shift.

I showed Alex the Bluebells and some yellow flowers (I have no idea what it's called) in the garden this morning. He was walking about discovering new things and when I asked him where the Bluebells are ..... he walked to them and showed them to me. Then I asked him where are the yellow flowers ..... he walked all the way to the back of the garden and point at them. I was just so proud of him. I am just so amazed at how fast he learn and how much he understand things.

I taught him how to pull his pants down and pull his shirt up this morning and when I asked him to undress himself this evening, he did just that but with a little help from mummy. My little boy is growing up so quickly all of a sudden. I think he is like a plant .... grow when there are plenty of sunshine .... ha haha

Everyday, I learn something new about my son. I have been talking to my neighbours and everyone seems to have a child with a problem at some point or knows someone who does. Claire's daughter Sian can't/won't walk until she was two years old. They thought she had spinal problem and went to numerous specialists only to find that nothing is really wrong with her. Then one day, she just decided to stand up and ran.

Jean's youngest son also could not talk until he was four and he had to go to speech therapy. He is now married with children. All my neighbours are really great when you start talking to them. Sometimes it's good to talk to someone about your problem - you may think you are all alone with your problems but there are others out there just like you.

Tomorrow, we will be meeting with the Paediatrician for a full body assessment. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Sunny, lazy day with no incentive to move a muscle.

After yesterday's therapeutic burning session, I am all burnt out. I can't find an ounce of energy to do anything except cooking for my dearly beloved before he goes to work.

I have been watching tv all day while my little Alex naps and I am still not up to date yet. I have recorded almost twenty hours worth of series that I didn't have time to watch. I finished with my favourites i.e. Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives, Criminal Minds, Close to Home and NCIS. CSI still to come and I think I am TVed out (if there is such a word).

We spent so much time out the garden with Alex that we hardly watched any television. Alex loved the swing and it's really nice to see him laugh and enjoy something this much.

He hasn't been doing his hand flapping as much as he used to lately. I taught him to clap his hands when he is happy or excited. He would clap his hands when he remembers but both Jeremy and I had to remind him most of the time. He is getting a hang of it now and when we asked him to wave, he will do it where previously, we had to help him wave.

He is also very comfortable at nursery and when I went to collect him yesterday afternoon, they were playing outside and Alex was playing along side the girls but not the boys. All the boys seemed to play in groups even at this age but the girls doing their things individually. It has only been two months since Alex started nursery and we can see the changes in him.

I do hope that he will continue to thrive and I will try not to worry too much. I will now concentrate on what he can do and not worry too much on what he cannot. Perhaps being too overwhelmed by worries that I forgot how to enjoy my son. My little monster is really quite cheeky - he is one huggable and loving monster.

It's Friday the 13th.

I don't think I'm superstitious .... in the past, I have flown to few places on Friday the 13th and nothing untoward happened.

Anyway, it's sunny and bright and blue bells all over the place. I would expect them sometime next week but because the weather is so warm, they are early this year. There is no sign of "April Shower" either due to the high pressure and now the wind is bringing the warm air from the East. Hah .... I am suddenly turning into a weather expert. Weather does play a very important role to your mood. I felt 1000% better with this weather compared to the gloomy, wet, cold and miserable weather earlier this year.

Alex got a sticker from nursery today for "Good Behaviour" and I am just so proud of him. With this weather, he has been playing out in the garden everyday and he is not bothered with no TV time.

Jeremy and I borrowed an incinerator from our neighbour and burned all the old fences away. That brought back memories from my childhood again. There's something about burning stuff that is quite therapeutic. We quite enjoyed it but the smell and smoke is awful though.

When we were children (not so long ago), I wouldn't say that our family is pure Buddhist but we do honour the "Goddess of Mercy" and a few other Deities which one would consider "Taoism".
Every first day of the Lunar calender and on the 15th, that's the full moon, we honour our God with joss sticks, candles and offerings (paper money that you burn). Adrinna and I would volunteer to guard the incinerator to ensure that the offerings would all be burnt. We use a long stick to poke through the fire and turn the paper offering around. We enjoyed that ....

Sunny almost all day. A little warmer would be nice.

Life is a funny thing. Sometimes you feel like you are in a desert island with no help and no hope and other times you are in a party with all the right people to help you.

We are in a "party" today. Received a letter from Heatherwood Hospital this morning to let us know that their Paediatrician has an opening for Alex in two weeks time. Do we want the appointment? (All of a sudden, we get help from everywhere compared to few months back.) Of course we will take this appointment. Two opinions are better than one and we are just so glad ..... it's like someone up there is finally looking out for us.

What else can top that? I spoke to Alex's key carer Catherine this afternoon and she was so happy with his progress. He is starting to show interest in the class projects and she even thought that she heard him say "look". Anyway, they built a Volcano and to create an eruption -soda bicarbonate and vinegar is being used. Every child has a chance to try it out and Alex loved it so much that he wanted to do it twice.

Alex has been helping out at home too. For the past week, he has been choosing his own breakfast cereal. He also helped me to recycle my rubbish - when he wanted to throw something away, I will tell him which bin to go and he will open the back door and put the rubbish into the recycle bin. He has been my little helper all week. I just cannot believe how much he has matured in a week. He understand more and can follow instructions.

To celebrate today, we went to Toys'r'us and got Alex a Little Tikes Giant Slide. He was afraid at the beginning but after a few tries, he totally enjoyed it. Our son is an "adrenaline junkie" - just like his mum.

He played with his swing too and he had so much fun that we could actually hear him giggle for the first time. He usually have a straight face when on the swing but not now ..... he is laughing.

I could see rainbow, I could see hope and for once since early this year - I felt like a million dollar.

Cloudy all morning, followed by a sunny afternoon.

Yesterday's day out in the garden was really good for Alex. He slept the night through and we had our bed to ourselves.

We went to see the consultant at Margaret Wells-Furby Children Centre this morning. The centre was well managed and the consultant, Christina explained the details of working with Alex and us in a very professional manner. She was also very sympathetic towards our concerns.

Our first session next Monday starts with a meeting with the Paediatrician and followed by observation through playing. There will never be more than six children per session and this continues for the next four weeks with a specialist of a different field each week.

A report will then be sent to us after the four sessions. We will then be invited to a meeting with all the consultant and specialists to discuss the report and the way forward. There is however, a nine months waiting period for a Speech Therapist and it's not just in our area, there is a shortage of Speech Therapist nationally.

Christina did explain that after completing the four sessions, there will not necessarily be a diagnosis if all the consultants cannot agree with their findings. Should there be one, and if we believe it to be inaccurate, we can always challenge their findings and to find a solution together.

We like the way they work and we look forward to working with them.

Bekonscot Model Village

Some pictures to share. (Click on picture to see the whole album)

It's strange how you remembered fraction of your past when you see or smell something.

Two things reminded me of two different times in my past today.

I pulled the Sun lounger out of the shed to air it - I noticed a hole on the cushion and there must be a mouse in the shed. Anyway, while lazying on the lounger, a snap shot of the big mouse running past the kitchen floor in one of our many homes. Our home, a shop house (as we called it in Malaysia) is on the first floor above a row of commercial buildings. On the right, is a knitting business - heavy machinery used to knit cottons - end product t-shirts. On our left is a Danish cookie distributor sharing half a shop with a building contractor.

Till this day, I am not sure if they baked the cookies there or just packaging them but there is always the smell of cookies in the afternoon. We used to buy a large bag of broken cookies bits for very little money and loved it.

And then, there was the contractor with all his employees. I was in my teens then and had a crush with one of them. I remembered my face going all red when I walked passed him. I don't remember his name but I think he had a square chin like Jeremy. Anyway, that was the first guy I had a crush on and didn't even know his name.

We went to the Garden Centre to get some garden sack and peanuts for the birds. There's this place selling aquariums and tropical fishes attached to the Garden Centre and we went in with Alex to see the fishes. We then came across some turtles and they looked exactly like the ones I had as a child.

We had pet turtles when we were young. The size of a fifty pence when we got them and we loved them. They lived in a small plastic container until they were too big for it, my brother and sisters dug a hole in the garden and poured cement over it to make a nice little pond for our turtles. Sadly, the open space is too tempting for them and they escaped. Never to be seen again and the pond is just a pond with no turtles to live in.