It's been two weeks since my last blog.

Here's a picture of Alex taken in school for a hand-drawn portrait. (I like it in sepia)

Alex hasn't been well since Saturday when we return from Ben's first Birthday party. Ben is Jeremy's best mate, Brian's son. The last time I saw Brian and Vicky (his wife) was when they came to Alex's first Birthday party.

It has been two days and his fever's quite persistent at a constant 37.5 degree and he has been coughing a lot.

My poor little boy is so lack of sleep because of the cough that he went to bed all by himself about an hour ago, only to be awaken by his cough again. He is so tired that he just fall right back to sleep. Oh dear, I hear him coughing again and just hope that he is well enough to travel on Wednesday.

Just checked on him and he is still very tired and went back to sleep. Anyway, we have some great news. Alex's speech is coming along and I heard him say "no go" when his dad wanted to go out to the shop this morning and he has been very talkative since my last update.

Neel from TASS came to see us on Friday and assessed Alex. She is quite impressed with him. She also recommended that we visit a few mainstream and special needs school in order to make a decision as to where we should place Alex next year. She also suggested that we should have Alex "statemented" as soon as possible as the process will take about six months. Whichever type of school we place Alex, they all need a statement for him. Once he has a "statement", it is our right and by law that the Government has to provide all the necessary facilities to ensure that his needs are met. There will be no excuse to say that there isn't enough funding for the school year etc.

There are two special needs schools in Bracknell and both about 15 minutes from us. Kennel Lane is a special need school for 5 years to 19 years and they open to children with ASD, Down Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy etc. The other special needs school is a "half way house" between mainstream and special needs school. Rainbow centre is a reputable school accepting children with ASD and they are quite picky with the type of students they accept. The other option is mainstream school Holly Spring Infant (about 5 minutes from us).

Once we return from Florida, we will make all the appointments to see the schools. Both Jeremy and I are keen to put Alex in mainstream school but we are also afraid that he may not be able to catch up or bullied. It's a tough decision.

On a brighter note, Neel did mention that if we put Alex in mainstream and he is struggling, we can always change him to special needs. I just hope it's as simple as that but we will never know right now.

One thing that I am very reluctant to leave UK is that all the professionals working with Alex are very very good and caring. They are all paid for by National Health and Bracknell Forest County Council is considered as one of the best in the country for Special Needs.

We should go to Florida and look around before we make any comparison. This is not just a holiday!

He is turning into a pain in the you know where!

Well actually it's a good thing according to Christina, he is developing his own personality and he knows what he wants. Most neural typical children go through this stage where they rebel and test their boundaries. According to Christina, if Alex is too passive, then we are in trouble.

I could see why he was so difficult for the past few days. He was house bound for two weeks because of chicken pox. Alex is used to going out and about with us and staying at home is not something Alex likes. He would be happier if he could go outdoor to play but the weather has been "yucky" again and hasn't stop drizzling for a week.

He was so defiant and when you tell him "No", he would cry like he is saying "it's not fair" and then ran off and slam the door. It just amazes me to see my nice little Alex turned into a "brat" and I don't know whether I should be angry or laugh. I chose the latter secretly though.

We went to the Speech Therapy yesterday and Angie, our therapist is amazed at his progress. He has a few new words and also used two words to form a sentence (I think). Last week, we were having dinner together and Alex said "more" and then I looked at him and he said "je" meaning more juice. He also said "baa" for bath time and "Sss" for shoe. I also caught him saying "four" and "seven" when we were counting the steps.

Everyone who works with Alex has no doubt that he will talk soon and they all agreed that he is one fast learner. His only trouble is developmental delay (he is currently at around 18 to 20 months) and once he master something, there is no turning back for him.

I have faith that Alex will talk real soon.

My little screamer.

The chicken pox are crusting which means Alex gets a bit sore when he brush against something. Putting on his t-shirt is especially tricky because he has a big head and the collar's a bit tight for him. He has a few big spots on his head and ooohhhhh can he scream when the collar brush against those spots.

I had a meeting with Alex's SENCO and team yesterday. Everyone who knows him from the beginning knows that he is a changed boy. They were all so happy with his development and everyone said that he is one delightful boy. What mother would not be proud of those words?

I met Neil from TASS (Teaching and Support Services) in the meeting. She will be in-charge of Alex's education needs from now on. She will recommend the appropriate services from getting into the right school to getting a one to one teaching support for Alex if he is placed in mainstream school.

This is what TASS do according to their website:

The work of the Teaching and Support Services (TASS) is to assess and teach children from the age of 2 upwards who have special educational needs. Work with children below the age of five who have developmental delay takes place either in the home, the pre-school setting or a children's centre. For older children, TASS assess and teach pupils with specific special educational needs and also support their parents and schools with educational advice and teaching.

Well, at least the education bit is temporarily solved ;-)

I cannot be prouder!

It's the third day of Alex's chicken pox. It's all over his face, one in his right eye, his front and back - even on places that the sun don't shine.

He's so good and we hardly hear him complaint except when we want to put calamine lotion on him - he cried and scream like we are torturing him. It breaks my heart to see him in distress. I just wish I could take away the pain and irritation away from him. He would occasionally whimper because of irritation though. Hand on heart, I don't think I can resist scratching or whining.

Anyway, there are some progress - he called next door's dog by her name "Jess". He looked at Jess and said her name. His fine motor skill are improving as well. He can turn his wrist to maneuver his spoon or fork into his mouth. He can also drink from an open cup with one hand.

His grandparents are very proud of his progress and I really believe that he will have some speech by his fourth birthday. I spoke to my mum today and she has no doubt that Alex would talk VERY soon.

I just can't wait to see what else my son could do to surprise me.

Yikes! It's Chicken Pox.

Alex was real restless last night and he woke up twice. First time at 2:30am with a nightmare - he didn't know where he was and I sat with him for ten minutes. I couldn't get back to sleep after that. I took the opportunity to reply all my emails and then start compiling some images for Alex's PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System). And then he cried again at about 4:30am. I went in to sit with him and this time for nearly two hours. I couldn't keep myself awake any longer and left him on his bed and got back to my lovely warm bed. What a surprise, he didn't follow me to my room but went back to sleep instead. Dang! If I knew I would have gone to bed sooner...........

Anyway, Jeremy took him to nursery and let me sleep till 10am. Am I lucky or what?

Went to the Garden Centre again and spent more. We got more Chrysanthemum and pots for the patio area. We also bought Alex a wind chime - he was fascinated by them when I took him to the garden centre on Tuesday. He was having so much fun ringing the entire range on display.

We then went to collect Alex from nursery and he said "bye" to his classmates and we all clapped because this is the first time he said it so clearly.

After dinner, I took him to the bathroom to give him his shower and that's when I discovered chicken pox when I undressed him.

In a way it's good to get it over and done at his age. I remember Adrinna had hers in her twenties and it was pure torture. I remember she had them on her scalp and the sole of her foot as well - oh she suffered!

Do you consider Chicken Pox as a milestone?

I really do not know where time went?

I just realised that I haven't updated my blog for a week now. I have been so busy with Alex and then with the fund-raising table top sale for the school.

Here's a summary of our week and I would rate it as 4/5:

Monday 10/9

We are both getting into gardening quite a bit. Managed to clear the weeds, the path and cut down the overgrown bushes. The garden looked reasonably good.

Alex loved playing in the garden while we're busy weeding.

Tuesday 11/9

Jem's back to work today. Alex ate his breakfast and lunch all by himself. He also drank from an open cup. What a breakthrough - I just cannot describe how happy I am.

Went to Family Support and then to Alex's first Speech Therapy session. His Therapist is Angie and she is very good with him. She is starting PECS with him and he seemed to accept it well and learnt fast. Angie is going to give me a list of words to use with PECS.

Wednesday 12/9

Sent Alex to nursery and then to Reading to meet a new friend from Malaysia whom I met through Facebook.com. We had breakfast and then continued shopping together at the Oracles. I bought myself a pair of jeans and a black Capri - both on 50% off.

Jem came back early from work because I had to attend the new term's Full Governing Body meeting at the school. This is a very important meeting where Governors are nominated/volunteer to take up important roles. I decided not to participate in any nominations nor volunteer this year. The reason is because I am not sure if we will stay or move to Florida.

Thursday 13/9

Went to the Garden Centre to get some plants for the garden after dropping Alex at the nursery.

Bought some Heathers and some Pansies with pretty faces. I love Pansies because they look so happy all the time with their smiling faces.

Alex learned to count and he can say "two" very clearly. If I say one, he will continue with two and then when I say three, he will say "two" (ha ha ha). He laughs when we say no ..... it's four and he will mumble something like four and then laugh again. He is just so cheeky.

Friday 14/9

Sent Alex to nursery and then had to rush to the school to meet the Headteacher to discuss tomorrow's fund-raising sale. For some reason, it turned out that I am the only one worrying about the event. I somehow took charge of the whole thing while the rest of the committee doing nothing.

I was rushing about like a headless chicken worrying about the event. And then, as I popped back home for a rest, Jeremy opened the front door and I said "Why are you up? You are supposed to sleep." (He just got back from the night shift) He said, he was just about to go get Alex because he couldn't get hold of me. The nursery called to say that they suspect Alex had chicken pox. So, I went to get Alex and they told me to take him to the clinic to get checked out and if it's not chicken pox, he can come back to finish the session. It's not chicken pox - he had viral rash and it's quite common for toddlers.

Saturday 15/9

Table top sale - busy all morning and finally it's over. I felt lighter all of a sudden - as if a load's off my shoulder. By the way, Happy Birthday to Trixie - she is 42.

Sunday 16/9

Went to Long Acre Garden Centre again to get more plants and pots to complete the look. Jem's parents came over for lunch.

I must try to update my blog more often as I tend to forget things. With this summary, I can only share the events that took place but not the emotions.

What a busy weekend!

It's funny how things happen. We don't get a lot of invitation to places much. Friends, we have a few, but they are far and apart. But last weekend proves that we are not as unpopular as we thought (he hehe).

Saturday 8/10

We were supposed to go to the school's Governors and Staff BBQ in the afternoon but Jem was really tired from the day before. He didn't get much sleep after his late shift. So, we didn't attend the BBQ but I did go to the fund-raising committee meeting. I took Alex with me - Jem could have some peace and a well earned rest.

Alex was just so good and everyone was really impressed with him. I am just so proud of him.

Later in the evening, we went to Jem's colleague Ryan's wedding reception in Kingston. My SatNav failed me this time. We went to the wrong place and Jem called his colleague Mark for direction. We finally arrived and had to take a boat to the reception. It's on a small island and it's really nice.

Alex was on the dance floor all night long and had a great time. He refused to leave the dance floor and was really popular amongst the bridesmaids.

Came home late and Alex was knackered. He slept through the night in his room and woke us at 6:00am the next morning.

Sunday 9/9

We were invited to Jerome and Lucy's new home for lunch. Again, my SatNav failed me miserably. I think the petrol companies and the SatNav makers are in for a quick buck. It took me further than far could go and we end up 30 minutes later on a road that we could go in 10 minutes.

Anyway, upon arrival - what a pleasant surprise! Lucy's six months pregnant with their first baby boy. The baby is due on 29th December and I am just so happy for them.

Jerome was a fantastic cook as usual and we sat down and chat after lunch. He played with Alex and as usual, Alex is really good. You can take him anywhere and not worried coz he is always well-behaved. He taught him to play tennis and he had fun chasing after the ball and throwing the racket about.

They have two beautiful and mild mannered cats. You could do anything to them and they don't scratch or bite. Alex was chasing after the cat and pulling their tails. He was laughing and giggling when the cats tried to run from him. Oh, it was so funny and we named our son "Alex the Cat Chaser".

We left around 5pm and then made a flying visit to see mum and dad.

Wow! what a weekend.

A rude awakening.

I can't get back to sleep. Alex had "night terror" and woke me up at 2:45am. He wet himself as well, had to change him and I can't get back to sleep.

I don't think he has been well since Tuesday. He had a sniffle here and there, felt warm all over but no fever. I did noticed that he is slightly taller when I bathe him - could it be a growing spurt?

There were quite a few tantrums here and there - short ones (thank god) - I gave him some leeway but last night, I told him "no more tantrums or I'll give you reason to cry". Guess what? He stopped and looked at me. Just like that!

Amanda, the inclusion officer who visits him at nursery is back in action. She saw him on Wednesday and was really pleased with his progress. I was told that Alex said her name and asked for "more". I could believe that because he has been making progress with his speech.

Anyway, Amanda wants to see me next week to talk about Alex. She wants to give me some tips on how to encourage Alex to talk. Any help welcomed - Can't wait.

I am going back to bed and try to get some sleep now.

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Took Alex to see "Make Way for Noddy" at a theatre in Guildford.

Harshita, one of the mothers from Tuesday's Family Support Group at Margaret Wells won some tickets to see Noddy and asked me if I would like to go.

She has a four year-old son, Spash and a two year-old daughter Pehu.

It was a two set of 40 minutes show and we missed the first twenty minutes because we couldn't find a parking space. Alex enjoyed the show so much that he clapped at the end of the show. We then went to Debenham's coffee shop for tea. Whilst I was chatting with Harshita, Alex and Spash were running around chasing each other. It was so funny because he couldn't talk and Spash could understand his grunts. Alex has a friend to play with and he was being spontaneous as well. I have never been happier.

He has been very very good today. He ate his dinner all by himself with no fuss - he even climbed onto his new chair without us telling him to. I bought the junior chair at IKEA last Tuesday - so that Alex could join us at the dinning table and not sitting alone on his high chair.

No tantrum even though he missed his afternoon nap. He went to bed at 8 tonight and still sleeping soundly on his own bed. But ...... for how long?

What's this faint sound I am hearing coming from downstairs?

My eyes are still shut and I could hear ........ Urgh! Urgh!
Where is it coming from? Am I dreaming?

And then, I realised it's Alex. Urgh is his way of saying Help!
I opened my eyes, looked at the clock .... it's 7:00am and my little boy is calling for help. I called out to him and asked where he was? I ran downstairs and guess what?

He was in the lounge, sitting on the floor with his handful of toys. He had his new aeroplane, two passengers, two small planes, one car, a train carriage and a bus. He could not get up because his hands are full. I stood there laughing and helped him with his toys. He gave them to me one by one and then led me upstairs to my bed. He played with his toys while I tried to get back to dreamland - proven impossible!

We went to London today.

First to Maidenhead to pick my cousin June and her daughter Brenda. They both adore Alex and he adores Brenda. He will do anything she asked him to - just like when he was in KL with Jade.

We went to IKEA and then to Oriental City for lunch. Had a great day and Alex was having so much fun with Brenda. They chased each other in the supermarket and hug each other like siblings. No tantrums, missed his afternoon nap but very happy because Brenda is with him.

This is the kind of relationship I yearn for Alex - having someone to play with him. This September, Brenda will attend senior school and things will change. She is older and it won't be the same anymore.

Moving to America means more to us now but the Visa situation is a nightmare. There are so much information to absorb and most of the time, it meant nothing to us. We need to engage a professional to advise us of our options. There are different work permits and dependents are not allowed to work. Some charge $4000 fee to help with visa and you just don't know if these people are credible.

Anyone knows anyone who can help?

And you think it's safe to take Alex shopping.

My son has grown up all of a sudden.

It's a Monday Bank Holiday today and Jem's at work. I thought I'll take my little boy to Bracknell town centre for a nice walk - for a change. I wanted to get some scrunchies for my hair and maybe another cake tin to bake two cakes at the same time.

As soon as we walk into the mall to get to Bentalls - Guess what? They're closed! (on a Bank Holiday? - what were they thinking?) So, Alex and I walked aimlessly around town to see what we could see. Well, mainly it's Alex. He was the pilot for the day, pulling my hands walking in and out of shops.

First, it was the bookstore "Waterstone". He took me to the children's book section and there was an aquarium with a few small fish. He watched them go round for one nano-second and then asked to go into the lift by the aquarium. I asked him to press the lift and he did just that. All the while refused to let me stop to look at some books.

Then, he took me to the outdoor fountain at the town square. We sat there for about 10 minutes watching the fountain dance. You could see he was really pleased with himself. After that, he took me to McDonalds - I asked if he wanted to go somewhere else but he insisted on McD and that was that. So, we did as the Prince ordered and he fed himself with one tiny help from mummy - getting the food to the table.

As we came out from McD ........ he conveniently pulled me into ELC (Early Learning Centre) and started to play with the toys on display. And then I saw the wooden "Click Clack Cars" - the Speech Therapist used them to assess him and thought it would be a good idea to get one for Alex. But, Alex has other ideas ...... he saw an aeroplane and grab hold of the box and insist that I get them. I have never seen my son so adamant and I said "alright, take this to the lady and pay for it" He obediently took the toy to the counter, gave the cashier the box and I gave him my credit card. He took my card and hand it to the cashier and smiled. How sweet was that?

I still thought it's a good idea to get him the wooden click clack car (but knowing Alex, a good toy to me is not to him. He will play with it for a few seconds to satisfy me and never touch it again) but I know it will end up like the other educational toys that I bought and forgotten in the toy box.

So, we walked out the shop with one happy child who can't wait to get home to play with it.

And true, as soon as we got home - he wanted me to take them out from the box and played with it. He even took the plane to his bed for his afternoon nap and woke up playing with it again.

I am so happy that my son has finally grown and all because we had warm and sunny weather for the past four days.

Yippee ......

He is officially weaned off from his Avent bottles and they are all in the recycle bin now. What's even better, he fed himself last night without us prompting him. How he grew in a matter of days - we are so happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

We won the lottery as well. Three numbers in the Euromillion draw and we won £16.40 - he he he (you have to start somewhere).

Did quite a bit of research about moving to Florida and it's looking rather daunting. Not impossible but there are so much to consider and Alex may have to go into private education until we get a permanent resident status.

Now, a big lottery win - say ...... a million pound would be sufficient to make the move.

Great News!

We've just got a letter from the Speech and Language Therapist this morning. Alex will start a block of one to one therapy from 11th September. I am just so excited - I can't wait. Been waiting for this since forever but not that long actually - compared to many people.

The next thing is waiting to hear about the NAS Early Bird programme and appointment with the Occupational Therapist. There's a national shortage of OT and I do wish that someone would come up with a workshop for parents with children waiting for OT. That way, we can have practical exercises to help our child while waiting.

The NAS Early Bird was supposed to start in September but there aren't enough family to start the course. There should be at least 4 families to start the programme and as far as I know, we are short of one family. Christina, our Project Manager is aiming for January 08 to start the course and I cannot really say I hope it will happen soon. It means, another child will have to be diagnosed with ASD and I do not wish for anyone to go through what we've gone. Tricky huh?

Check the lottery this morning. No luck ........ yet (always look at the bright side).

We had our lounge carpet cleaned by professional yesterday and boy ...... money well spent. The carpet looked "spanking" new -there were really tough stains on the carpet - tried with all kinds of carpet cleaners available on the shelves - nothing works.

Anyway, the carpet needed at least six hours of drying time, we had to leave the house (our home life is mainly in the lounge).

We took Alex to Legoland again. Yes ..... the annual pass is worth every penny. It was a "yucky" day again - raining and very heavy as well.

Went to the Guest Services counter first to register Alex's "Exit Pass" status (brought the letter confirming his diagnosis) and had our arms stamped as the pass.

We said, we will only use it when necessary - as soon as we said that ......... look at those queues! From where we were standing - expect to wait for an hour at least to get on any ride. Alex was fidgeting and he was so excited looking at the rides. We thought, we'll try using the "exit pass" and waited at the exit for the next ride.

It wasn't easy for us to stand there and wait for the next ride when all other people are waiting in line for ages. We were so used to queuing like everyone else, it felt wrong. But ....... if we don't, we will have one cranky child and wasting valuable time waiting in line.

Alex totally enjoyed the experience and although it's not easy for us but we can live with it. We will still want Alex to learn to queue like everyone else.

It's getting harder and harder to update my blog.

Every time I come near the computer, Alex wants my attention and I had to turn it off without doing what I intended to do in the first place. Sometimes, he will turn my computer off without me knowing it.

I can update my blog when he is asleep or at nursery but with this horrid weather, you just don't feel like doing anything. I borrowed two books from the library and managed to finish both within two weeks. At least, there are some good out of this miserable grey weather.

We have been watching a lot of channel 4 in the afternoon lately. They have programmes like "Place in the Sun", "Relocation Relocation" and "A new life". Jem has been talking about getting a place in the sun or emigrate to Australia or Canada.

I have done the uprooting thing once and I am not prepared to start all over in a new place at this age. We discussed about Alex's future and both thought it would be a good idea to move closer to family. I suggested Tallahassee, Florida - close to Adrinna and Alex will have Josh and Erin to play with and grow up with.

The more we talked about it, the more likely we will do it. I am quite excited to be honest but there are few things that we must really consider. Buying a house it Tallahassee is not a problem because if we sell our house in England, we could buy one for half the price and no mortgage to worry about. Jem will have to look for a job but what? We did talk about starting a business but again what? We know Alex will be happy because he was very happy with a lot of people around him. He was really good with my family when we were back in KL last year.

Our main concern is Jem's parents - we cannot leave them and it would be really nice if they would come with us. I have always wanted to celebrate Christmas with a large family - decorating the tree together, cooking a festive meal for the lot, playing games and get drunk afterwards. What fun. It's like Chinese New Year at home and it's always busy and Jem is really envious of what I have.

We talked about having at least four bedrooms house with a pool and a covered patio. He could have his pool table in the patio and convert one of the rooms to a music/guest room. I have my open concept kitchen with a breakfast area and an island for food preparation. The kitchen overlook the family room and with a view of the pool. In the summer (real summer), we could see Alex run around with his cousin or friends - how I wished I could have it all now.

Let's hope we'll win some money tonight and it would make our dream come true and if Jem's mum and dad would come with us, it's even better.

Now that my cough is pretty much gone .... except the occasional cackle here and there, I had the urge to bake again.

We have fresh fruits and vegetables delivered to us every Thursday and for the last two weeks, I haven't had my regular serving of fruits. We have so much plums, bananas. green gages (these little green things are so sour, I find it hard to eat them just like that) in the fridge that the only way to use them is baking a cake. I baked a Banana Walnut Tea bread and a Green gages Cake (the recipe is for plums but I used green gages instead). The result - mind blowing sour but yum yum yum.

Took the Banana Walnut Tea bread to Family Support at Margaret Wells and everyone enjoyed it. The support workers at the centre look forward to my cakes. Jem said not to bring the Green gages cake in as he loved them so much.

I had a surprise call from my friends Majid and Alena today. They live in Las Vegas now and they were on their way to their restaurant when they called. Alena said she missed me so much and I shared the same sentiment. We have all been so busy with our family and the eight hours time difference between us made it quite difficult to just pick up the phone and call.

They have plans to come back to England for good and I am looking forward to that day. It's funny how friends meet and stay close even when they are apart.

Took Alex to the GP to be referred to a Urologist.

A date has been set in September to have his "Family Jewel" examined again. Most likely, Alex will have to have a circumcision done.

My cough is clearing and this irritating little lump of mucus stuck somewhere and I have this urge to cough the bloody thing out.

Took Alex to Sainsburys this morning after the doctor's appointment, he is just so very cute. Smiling to everyone trying to get their attention. Unfortunately, not all Brits embraces the multi-cultural society that Britain has become - especially some OAPs. No smile from this "old git" behind us at the checkout. I could not believe anyone could resists Alex's cheeky smiles.

I find it really hard to make friends with the English. You could never get an honest answer from them - I mean, they are nice to you because they want to be seen as polite but as soon as you turn your back, it's something else. Perhaps, I have some form of Asperger Syndrome (only applicable in the UK) myself - I cannot read the facial expression and body language of the Brits.

A good example is the family support group. Everyone talk like friends in the centre and as soon as you walk out, they don't even look at you or anything. How bizarre?

I miss Malaysia so much, I missed my family and friends. What you see is what you get.

Still coughing my guts out and very tired from last night's adventure.


Had to wake up early to go to the GPs for my appointment. I was prescribed with a 5-day course of antibiotic. The doctors here are quite reluctant to give you antibiotic and you had to be half dead in order to get some sympathy. If in KL, I would be given antibiotic from the start of my cough. I do not know which is better for a patient? The former or the latter?


I was too poorly to go with Alex and Jeremy for our long awaited Speech Therapy re-assessment appointment. The outcome - we will be given several dates in September to start therapy - yippee!

Just got back from the hospital with Jeremy and Alex.



What a dramatic night ..... phew!!!



It all started with Alex walking like "John Wayne" and then a very swollen "Family Jewel". I have never seen him in such a distress state. He had so much pain when he passed urine and what's worst? He likes drinking.



Both Jeremy and I panicked and quickly took him to Heatherwood Hospital's Minor Injury Unit but they closed at 10pm. One look at my watch .... oh no! it's 10:20pm.



Luckily, I found a sign that says Out of Hours Clinic - Entrance on the left. We went in and fill in some forms and was seen by a doctor within 15 minutes. We were quite impressed with the service. The receptionist told us that it's an appointment basis clinic and she will take us in this time but if in future, we need to see a doctor "after hours" we have to call in advanced. Good to know but I hope - none of us would need it.

Two doctors examined Alex to be sure and both had different opinions - both were not wrong either. The first said "Phimosis" and the second one said "Acute Balanitis" but they knew it's urgent and referred Alex to ward 24 at the Wexham Park Hospital - 12 miles away.

By the time we reached the hospital, it was almost midnight and the three of us were just so tired with the rushing about that Alex fell asleep while waiting. The Paediatrician on duty came and "poke" about - needed the surgeon to look at "it" as well - then, the surgeon took one look, poke about and confirmed it's "Phimosis and Acute Balanitis". All these attention on a three year-old "Family Jewel" but the owner is fast asleep and took no notice. He was given a 5 day-course of antibiotic and told us to return to our GP to be referred to a Urologist.

All in all, it took 5 professionals and three hours to confirm the diagnosis. What did Alex do? He slept all the way through the examination, the car journey home and went straight to bed when we got home.

Still coughing my lungs off.

It's been officially one week now and I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. It looks more and more like a chest infection and I could hear myself wheezing. Jem made an appointment with the GP for me tomorrow morning and I am asking for some antibiotics.

Accompanied Jem to the Prince Charles Eye Clinic at the King Edward Hospital in Windsor today. When he went for an eye test at Boots Optician three months ago, the optometrist told him that she suspects Glaucoma. That made us really worried but today's appointment put our mind at ease. The consultant is very confident that Jem doesn't have glaucoma but will want to see him again in 6 months time before he officially discharge him.

I watched ABC's Brothers and Sisters this morning (had it recorded because it was quite late when they show it on TV) and I cried so much. I have been following the series for 8 weeks now and every episode is as good as the last. It made me miss my wonderful siblings - I can't believe that I am actually saying this. It also made me think that Alex may never experience this kind of love I shared with my brother and sisters. The funny thing about family is ...... you will never know how much you love them until you are away. We are always at each other's throat when we were all together under the same roof but we are also highly protective of each other.

If I were to write a book about my family, it would be a very interesting one. Each one of us will have a chapter on it's own and the things that we all went through is unbelievable.

We are Asians and it's hard for us to openly tell each other how much we appreciate and love each other. Life is too short - even though we are all too busy with our lives, we shouldn't forget to stop and think about each other.

It's comforting to know that I have my brother and sisters to turn to when I need them and vice versa.

Great! I have completely lost my voice.

Three sleepless night in a row and hopefully it will stop there. The funny thing is I don't feel awfully tired after taking the Chinese cough syrup. I used to have dehydrated skin around the nose and mouth area but this time, no sign of dryness nor irritation.

Last week, the weather people predicted that there won't be any summer this year - the rain and flood. But, the past week have been scorching here in the southeast and it's quite impossible to sleep at night without the fan.

It's a no win situation for me. I can't sleep with the fan on - coughing badly and if I turned it off, I couldn't sleep either because it's so hot and sticky. Oh Man...............

Felt like my lungs will collapse any minute.

I have been coughing since Thursday and I am supposed to get worst before I could get better. Right this minute, it feels like I might drop dead before I had the chance to recover.

I've tried everything in the past but nothing seemed to work. So, this time .... I didn't bothered to take anything. Last night - I could not sleep, so yesterday morning I went to the Chinese supermarket in Reading to get a bottle of "King To Nimjiom Pei Pa Kao".

After taken three times (the last was 5 minutes ago), the cough is not as intense - but rather more effective. I hope I could get back to sleep soon.

I'll just watch some chinese series that I downloaded from Veoh.com (Sue told me about this site two days ago and it's rather good).

Ever wondered if you relationship with your partner would be anything like your parents' when you get older?

A question I asked myself when I was in the shower tonight. I didn't really think much about it since my last telephone conversation (1 hour 15 minutes) with Adrinna on Wednesday - we always catch up when either one of us goes back to KL.

You tend to look at your family in a different way when you live abroad and only see them occasionally.

Anyway, the question - just suddenly tap me on the shoulder while I was reading Tess Gerritsen's latest bestseller - The Mephisto Club (she's my favourite author). One of the lead character's parents were having a fight during Christmas dinner and the mum said something about not wanting to make her children choose and do not want to say a bad word about their father before she stormed off.

It made me think deeper and looked at my mum and dad's relationship. You never think about things like that when you were growing up at home. Looking back, my mum is the foundation of the family (it's hidden from view but she has been carrying the weight). She did not say a bad word about or to my dad in front of us when we were growing up, he was the head of the family after all and we respect and fear him.

Things changed as we got older (only when we were all married and with family), my mum poured out her sorrows. We know the truth and she stayed on because of us. It's a love-hate relationship and as their daughter, I cannot judge them nor can I advocate anything. But it made me think if Jem and I would be like them in say 30 years time?

As much as I admire and love my mum, I do not want to grow old like her - relationship wise but I want to be a great mum like her. Many women may think that she is the dumbest woman in the whole wide world - she doesn't keep a penny for herself (everything she has, she gave it to the family) seriously, she doesn't have anything for herself. But, she will always have her five children, their partners and her eight grandchildren loving her every minute.

I want to see myself grow old and still very much in love with Jem. I want to feel every minute like I feel now - thinking of him, missing him and laughing at his jokes. We always joked that when we are in our eighties, we will still be chasing each other around the house - instead of minutes, it turned into days. In order to do that, we keep ourselves in check - there is always two sides to a story and no one is completely right.

Never go to bed angry - always make up before you turn your table lamp off. You may not know what lies ahead and your hurtful words to each other could be the last you'll remember for the rest of your lives.

It's a busy week and finally, a chance to sit down and update my blog while my two dearly beloved are at nursery and work. Here's a summary of what's been happening:

Sunday 29/7/07

Jem came back from work this morning tired as usual after a 12 hours-shift. Managed to find some energy to play with Alex. We were expecting his sister, Sue and husband Peter together with mum and dad for lunch this afternoon. Unfortunately, things never happen as planned - Sue and Peter had diarrhoea - that leaves only the five of us for lunch. We had roast dinner - yum yum yum (my favourite).

Amelia and Anson came over from Oxford to stay for two nights. We planned this last month - taking Anson to Legoland tomorrow.

Monday 30/7/07

Legoland - arrived at 11:00am and the place's packed. It's the school holidays and also a nice summery day - for a change from last week's dreadful rain and flood. Every one's taking their kids out fearing they may not get the chance as bad weather was predicted for the summer.

The queue on every ride is ever so long and if you managed to get on any ride in less that 30 minutes is a miracle. We were there for 5 hours and managed to go on four rides and a lunch break. When we arrived, I told Jeremy that we should go to the customer service to get an exit pass for Alex (this is available to special needs children to enhance their visit). An Autistic child find it difficult to queue and wait - hence, an exit pass will help them enjoy their experience and avoid melt-downs.

We have discussed this in the past and agreed not to use the privilege because we want Alex to learn to wait but circumstances called for a change of heart. If we have the pass, we can choose to queue and when he gets a little edgy, we can use the pass. Unfortunately, Jeremy is adamant that we shouldn't and stick to our agreement. Alex had two melt-downs and we have four deaf ears and four tired arms. We had to take turn carrying Alex because he doesn't like to stand on the ground while waiting (it's quite difficult as everyone is taller than him and there isn't much to see at his level except bums), he screamed a few times but we managed to calm him down. Upon leaving the park, we decided to get an exit pass the next time we visit again.

Tuesday (31/7/07)

Went to Family Support group today.

We usually go on a Wednesday but changed it to Tuesday because it would be better for Alex. He never really warmed up to the Support Group on Wednesdays because he's tired after the whole morning in nursery.

He was a changed boy today, playing and having fun with the support staff. We knew we made the right decision this time. The new families we met today are really pleasant - one child suffer from Cerebral Palsy, another behavioural problems and a baby with chromosome defect.

We thought we had it bad but there are others with bigger problems.

Wednesday (1/8/07)

In bed all day with cold. Thanks to Anson.

Jeremy fussed over me all day and did the housework and gardening. He made me breakfast in bed and lunch in bed and took care of Alex.

I am just so lucky.

Alex enjoying his trampoline and playing with his dad.

It's so unfair, I am hardly in any of these videos because I am always behind the camera. It's OK, I have my memories and the time I spent with Alex is priceless. It's ashamed that I can't share them with you.

I woke up this morning to the sound of Alex talking. I quickly grabbed my camera and captured the moment.

He has been talking his own language for sometime now and it happens every time he wakes up in the morning or from an afternoon nap. I could not understand a word but it seemed to make sense to him. He says almost the same thing every time and when I took this video and playback to him, he will repeat after the video - just like when he hears himself sing in the video, he will sing the same song.

He has some imaginative play as well in this video. He lined up the planes last night before going to bed and when he woke up this morning, he played with them. First, he turn the propeller and then he make the sound of the aeroplane taking off and whoosh it about. Previously, he will make the sound and hold the aeroplane in front of his face - this is progress.

He also demonstrated fear while watching Thomas the Tank Engine on TV yesterday. I was ironing (only once in a blue moon) in the lounge accompanying Alex while he watch his shows. He was sitting on the sofa with a lot of cushions surrounding him (he likes his comfort) and then came the part when Percy met with an accident, Alex picked up the cushion and hid behind it and then peek to the side to see what happened to Percy. I have never seen him do that and it's comforting to see that he actually understand what is going on in the show.

More video from this morning to follow. I am so glad that he is progressing.

I have just started corresponding with another mum who has a two and a half year-old son with autism.

She said something quite interesting about the brain which trigger my interest to find out more about the brain and how to stimulate them to encourage speech and motor skills for Alex. Here are her exact words ....

"My cousin who lives in South Africa was born with ADHD (but not autism) 24 years ago - one of his most important treatments to get him talking (he had no words at 2 years old) was a combination of physical and occupational therapy. My uncle mentioned that it was the same side of the brain that deals with co-ordination that also deals with communication. He said by getting a child physically active and working on co-ordination, that side of the brain is getting supplied with more oxygen (which in turn aids the communication aspect). I wonder if there is some foundation in that. We bought Stephen a trampoline hoping that the exercise on that would increase oxygen to the communication side of the brain, and he's not doing bad with his speech though still doesn't make his own sentences using separate words."

Looking at the map of the left and right brain, it seemed that the right side controls the left hand and vice-versa. The speech and language area are on the left side of the brain whilst the music, emotion and repetitive behavior are on the right side. I could see the connection here, Alex prefers using his left hand (at least that's what I observed) more, hence, he is quite musical (he could repeat the song/music after hearing them once or twice), very very loving and very repetitive (action such as teeth-grinding, hand flapping/flickering) having saying that, he doesn't do them so often (or am I immune to them).

It's worth investigating and to learn more. I am being philosophical again here, but when you think about it, and think really positively about it - "when what seemed like a bad thing happened to your life, there is always a good thing that follows (blessing in disguised)".

A.S.D. may not be curable (because no one know what causes them, hence there are no cure) but we will not let this drag us down to the self-pity level. We will learn more and help our son to understand things at his pace - he will eventually get it.

Alex woke me at 5:30am this morning. He slept through the night on his own bed - yippee!

Since we are all awake this early, I thought I'll dress him up like a little cowboy he is .....

He will be cowboy Alex in nursery today.

Not much to report on his progress as he is pretty much the same but a little cheekier than usual. He wanted his father's attention more - the whole of last week and this week.

Yesterday, his dad was reading his magazine and Alex wanted to play trainset with him. He went to his dad, took the magazine away from him, gave it to me and then went back to his dad and pull him up and point at the train.

We were both "gobsmacked" and gave him this "surprised and horror" look - he just laughed so hard it almost brought tears to our eyes. This is how cheeky our little monkey is nowadays.

I would give anything to see that again - it does show you how brilliantly spoiled he is.

I'll update more in a few hours time - after this wonderfully spoiled cowboy is at nursery. Cheerio!

Finally, I get to sit down to update my blog. Alex is fast asleep and Jeremy's on night shift.

Alex did something new today. We were watching "Little Einsteins" with him this afternoon - if anyone has seen this programme before, you'll know what I'm talking about. But if you haven't, I will try to explain it to you.

When the Little Einsteins have a mission, they always go with their rocket. In order to get the rocket to fly, they will have to pat their laps to power up the rocket to 'blast off'. They always say help them to power up rocket and you are supposed to pat with them. Alex have never done this before - he has been watching this for sometime. Today, he just pat his lap when Leo (the character) asked him to. We were just so happy to see that and clapped with him and laughed.

He liked that and he laughed too.

My mum's having her hip replaced today. Got a text message from Adrinna to say that Mum's alright .... Hurray!!! I do hope that my mum would recover soon and able to walk again. She has been suffering and we all didn't want to see her suffer further and persuaded her to do the ops.

My Mum's strong and I have some of her in me. I know she will be OK and I am not worried.

It's getting harder and harder to update my blog now.

Alex is so full of life and so much fun to be with. Jeremy had taken one shift off from work to be with us - so, he had 12 days off in a row. Both Jeremy and I have been spending a lot of time taking him to Legoland and playing with him on the floor with Lego and play dough. Here's a summary of what's on last week.

Monday (9/7/07)

We went to Legoland for two hours in the morning and then bought him a box of Lego. Came home and Alex had his usual nap. While he was napping, Jeremy and I were playing with his Lego ... ahhhhhh brings back memories. Did you know? I have never owned a Lego set until now. I used to play them at my cousin's house but Jeremy used to spend hours playing with them as a child.

Tuesday (10/7/07)

Jeremy went to see the GP in the morning. He has been complaining about being constantly tired and woke up feeling tireder (is there even such a word?) than before he went to bed. Anyway, the doctor prescribed a painkiller and he has been feeling much better since. It's a combination of his shift, bad sleeping posture, stress, worries and pain. Poor Old Sod! As for me, the GP rang and spoke to me about my hay fever (I tell you, our GP is the best). Gave me a prescription and I have been taking them since. It's miracle pill and I can even go near the Dog.

Wednesday (11/7/07)

Same old same old every Wednesday. Alex goes to nursery and then we go to Family Support Group at Margaret Wells-Furby. But............. this week is a little different. I went to the school for a short presentation by the School Council and then join Jem and Alex at the Group later. The year 6 students wanted to show the Governors what they have done throughout the year and I must say, I am so proud of them. It makes you feel that volunteering and giving your time is all worthwhile. Great Job kids!

Thursday (12/7/07)

Alex went to nursery as usual - nothing much to report except he has been a mischievous little imp playing tricks on his carers and fed himself too. I went to the school for their year end Play - Robin Hood. It was performed by the year 5 and year 6 students - they were amazing. I cried a little but managed to hold them back. Extremely proud of them and yet, I cannot stop thinking whether Alex will be performing on stage when he gets a little older.

Friday (13/7/07)

Friday the 13th ..... and yeah ...... we went to the movies for the first time (what seemed like eternity). We made an arrangement with the nursery to put Alex there all day (pick him up at 6:00pm) when we need a break. The manager, Nathan was extremely kind and said Friday is fine but Wednesdays and Thursdays, we have to give ample notice as they are short of staff. So we tried him today. We went to see Harry Potter and it was a better one than the last lot as the kids are more mature now and their acting skills are slightly better. But we couldn't really enjoy ourselves as we were expecting a call any minute to say that Alex is in distress. But the call didn't come and we went to pick him up at 5:30pm. He was fine and even enjoyed himself. That's a relief!

Saturday (14/7/07)

Drama day. We had a scare and luckily it turned out alright.

We went to Legoland again today with Peter (Alex's Grandad). Barney, BJ and Baby Bop were performing at Legoland together with Bob the Builder and Sportacus from Lazy Town.

The place was heaving with people. We went there at 10:45am and we were already parking at the relief car parks and a long way to the entrance.

There is no way you could go on a ride without queuing for less than half an hour. We could have used the easier alternative - we could get an exit pass for Alex because of his diagnosis. Once you have the pass, you could just go to the exit and go on the ride without having to wait. But, we want to train Alex to wait and this is a good exercise. The pass is good for more severe cases but I think Alex is not at that stage and we want him to experience real life as there is no short cut in life and just because you have a disability, not everyone is that understanding.

It was hot and dry, we were walking about trying to find somewhere quieter - so we don't have to wait that long for a ride. Impossible!

Anyway, not long after lunch, Peter was feeling quizzy and luckily we were just outside the first aid room. He had a rest in there and felt much better after that. We decided to go home as there is no way we could enjoy ourselves with so many people around.

The security car came to get us from the first aid room and took us to the car park instead of walking for miles. We were told that there were 15,000 cars in the parking today and another 500 outside the park and people walking up hill to see Barney. Someone collapsed on the way up and needed emergency aid. The things people do for their kids.

Thumbs up for Legoland.

Sunday (15/7/07)

Not a good day. Alex threw up all day (projectile vomiting) because of yesterday's heat. Freaky weather I tell you. One minute it's wet like anything and the next it's hot like an oven.

Legoland

Click on picture to see album

Help .......... my nose is falling off!

Suffering from Hay fever all night last night and all day today. My nose's so tender I dare not touch it.

I love everything about England but I hate the Hay fever season. It never ever bothered me before until I got pregnant with Alex. As if childbirth isn't enough, I had to suffer every season now.

Looks like it's early night for me again tonight. I will post the videos and pictures tomorrow.

Happy Birthday to Peter (Jeremy's father)

The weather's fabulous today. After all that rain, it's about time Mr Sunshine make it's presence. We all woke up early today and had a big breakfast before we head for Legoland (again).

Busy day for Alex. Went to Legoland then to his grandparents' home and then to his Auntie Sue's house. Wow, need some time to catch my breathe just to say that.

Eventhough, this is the third time we've been to Legoland, this place still fascinate us. We went to few other rides that we haven't been to the last two times and still had a great time. This time, we took the camera with us -pictures and videos to follow. We deliberately not take his stroller with us hopeful that he would walk all the way. And he did with no complaint - just so proud of him.

Then, we went to his Grandparent's house for lunch to celebrate Peter's birthday. Alex spent most of his time outdoor exploring the garden. Then we went to Sue's house - a flying visit to see another Peter (Sue's husband) recuperating from his operation. Alex was so tired by now that he fell asleep on my lap. He slept all the way home in the car and then didn't bothered to wake up when we transferred him from the car to his bed. Poor little "babba" but he had a great day.

Everyone noticed the change in him. So full of energy and cheeky.

Finally, the day has arrived.

We waited for months to have this hearing test. Went to King Edwards Audiology Unit in Windsor today and I must admit, the staff and facilities are top notch. Can't say much about the Receptionist but the lady Audiologist was courteous and understanding.

The appointment was at 4:00pm and we got back to our car at 4:30pm. Didn't have to wait long and best of all, the car park is FREE. Most NHS Hospitals charge crazy fees and not enough parking spaces but there were ample parking bay here.

Started off with a few questions whether we have any concern with Alex's hearing and the answer was "NO" - we know he could hear but just to be on the safe side. The Audiologist took us into a sound proof room with some speakers. A few different sound was played on the left and right side of the speakers to determine if Alex could hear. I could barely hear some of them but Alex could. He looked at the direction the noise came from and as a reward, a cat will dance inside the speaker when he turned his head. He had so much fun and giggled every time the cat danced.

The Audiologist then took us to another room to have a good look inside his ear and to check if there were any infection. It all turned out in good working order and his hearing is perfect.

That's a load off my mind.

Everyday, Alex surprises me with something new.

We went to Sainsbury's today for a quick larder top-up. Because it's a "quickie", I took the small trolley instead of the regular giant sized cart. Which means - no child seat on the trolley.

Well, that didn't bother Alex at all. He helped me to push the cart around (he will not attempt previously) and he even helped me to load the cart. Yeah to Alex!!!

He was so pleased with himself that every time I said "Good Job", he gave me a BIG GRIN. He even waved to the lady at the Bakery section without being prompted, when she gave us our freshly baked Tiger Bread.

No tantrum at all throughout our shopping experience and I must say, I am soooooooooo proud of my Alex.

Old MacDonald had a farm ......

Now that I can drive legally, I thought I'll make a trip to Oxford to see Amelia with Alex. It was a really miserable day and was raining all the way to her place. The journey took slightly more than an hour and Alex had been fantastic. I had the Barney CD playing from the beginning of our journey from home and he enjoyed it so much. He even sang/hum to Old MacDonald and This Old Man. It was the first time he did that.

When we left Oxford at about 3:30pm, we took the M40 and there was an accident at Junction 4 - the queue was about 5 miles long and we were stuck for 1 hour and 30 minutes. Thank God that it was Alex's nap time. He slept the whole time when we were stuck and got up right after we passed the trouble spot. Looks like someone up there is looking out for me .....

When I went to pick Alex up from the nursery, Kayleigh - his carer did the handover. She told me that Alex has been playing with the other children today.

He started off playing alone in the home corner and realised that the other children were playing together at the other end of the room. He went to join them at their table and played with them. They were playing with the toy wild animals and Alex picked the animals up one at a time and asked the children to tell him what they were. All of them responded to his request and were having so much fun.

When Kayleigh told me this, I was so happy. Finally, my son is no longer playing along side but with the other children. I am now waiting for him to speak his first sentence.

Congratulate me everyone.... I passed my driving test today!

I was so nervous throughout the test and when it was over, it was a relief. The examiner said "Ms Hoh, I am delighted to inform you that you have passed your test". I could not believe what I was hearing. He gave me the test report and asked me to sign at the bottom. My hand was shaking and I could not recognise my own signature.

I have on minor fault. My instructor was sitting behind and observed the test - he knew where the fault was. I was lucky enough to get the emergency stop (the examiner will only do this one in every four or five test he gives) and I forgot to look at my blind spot before moving on.

I am glad it's over and done. The next thing on my list to do is go back to my course.

We went to Legoland again today.

Alex hasn't been out of the house since last Friday. The weather has been crappy for the past few days - raining almost all day and flash flood in many part of the country.

It was sunny this morning but a bit chilly - we decided to take him to Legoland for a few hours - he enjoyed himself so much. This time, when we leave the park, he did not make a fuss at all - he knows that we will go back on a regular basis.

When we arrived at the park, one of his classmate from the nursery saw him and told his father "it's Alex from nursery". His dad waved to us and wanted to join us but his son decided to go somewhere else. We went on few rides and then we met his friend again this time waiting for the same ride. Alex kept pointing at his friend but he didn't go to him nor did his friend came as they cannot communicate properly.

I so wish that Alex could talk and it would be nice to have a friend to play together.

Here's another one of Jeremy and Alex playing together sometime last week.

I love watching my two favourite men spending quality time together. Alex is so cheeky now and you will see him destroying what we built - after that, he gets pretty excited.

Yesterday, he built a 12 block tower and when it collapsed, he throw a paddy. It's OK to destroy ours but when his falls apart - end of the world!

This is one side of Jeremy that you haven't seen. I have got his permission to show this in my blog and with the rest of the world in Youtube ..... (he he he)

I would say that 75 - 80% of the time, he makes me laugh and do all sort of silly things just to put a smile on my face. The other 25% is when he is tired and being a jerk.

My senses are back!

I suddenly realised that I can hear and see better. It could be because I had to be more aware of my surroundings in order to communicate with Alex. He can hear and see things way before anyone does. He will point at anything and everything - expect me to tell him what they were. If I got it wrong, he will go on and on until I get it right. I had to pre-empt every situation before I do anything with Alex.

Like I said previously, he pick his moments to sing - almost always when I want to watch my shows. So, when he goes to bed - I had to turn the volume right down - yeah! I can hear.

When we read to Alex, he will look at every detail on the page. You wouldn't have noticed a ladybird at the bottom of the page but he would. So, when we read the book - we also had to answer his questions. We are at the stage where a normal child would say "What", "Why" and "How" - the only difference is Alex can't talk but he points and say "ah?"

It may be annoying at times but he is communicating with us and that is good. Many parents with autistic children do not have what we have with Alex. We are truly blessed.

The silent resentment, the unspoken truth - all revealed.

I don't know what happened tonight - suddenly, we stopped talking. No good night kiss nor "Good Night Sweetheart".

I was told that I wasn't spending time with my son today. I was either at the computer playing games or reading my novel. I agree - I did that but I was not ignoring my son. I just wanted to chill out for a day. He always said that I need to chill out and have some "me" time to myself. I wrongly assumed that it's OK to do that today.

I don't get to go out to work, to meet another adult to talk about anything. He was working last Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and slept all morning Tuesday. Those few days, I had Alex all to myself almost all day. Alex is at the stage where he wants maximum attention and I had to give it to him. I am not blaming anyone here but sadly I misread signs - I am a straight forward person and if someone tell me something, I take it literally.

He is not a bad person. He is just cranky when he is tired - he has been to they gym this morning for the first time after what seems like a lifetime ago. But I shouldn't be so understanding all the time, making excuses for everyone that it's OK to take it out on me when "one" is tired. I don't do that to anyone and don't deserved to be at the receiving end.

There goes .... I have let it out of my system.

We've got a letter from Dr Irani this morning.

Alex had his blood test about three weeks ago (how time flies) and here's his report:

I am pleased to inform you that the result of Alexander's chromosome analysis, Fragile X genetic analysis, thyroid function test, urea and electrolytes are all normal.
Alexander's full blood count shows borderline low haemoglobin level and his ferritin result is also slightly low, both indicating mild iron deficiency anaemia.

The options available are either reviewing Alex's diet to ensure that iron-rich foods are included or take iron supplements.

So, it's good news. Nothing to worry about.

p.s. Last Wednesday, we went for his eye test and he scored a 20/20. He had been driving us mad with his perfect eye sight - he can see even the tiniest dot on the window - kept pointing at it and calling out for us. We couldn't see it and told him to be quiet and he kept on until we go to the window and acknowledge there is a dot. Nothing escape this little boy's attention.

To laugh or not to laugh?

Anyone with children will agree with me. Our little Angel/Imp can sometime test you to the limits causing a dilemma on the spot.

The question is do you laugh or continue to pull an angry face?

Alex has always been an obedient child but sometime last week, he started to say "no" to me and refused to do as told. And if he chose to do it, it would be in his terms.

Last night, before tucking him into bed, I told him we need to change his nappy. He was standing at the door while I was waiting for him with a nappy in hand. I said "come here Alex" in a soft tone - he looked at me and not budge an inch. I said it again and he did the same. The third time, I used a more authoritative tone and he moved an inch. And this time, I gave him a "deadly look" and he moved another inch and looked at me and then another step. At that point, I had to turn around and smile to myself but I couldn't laugh out loud - it was funny.

So, what would you do?

Connie made every mum proud. She started singing at two and look what she's achieved.

Alex started to sing or hum "twinkle twinkle little star" with perfect note at two as well. He has a few favourites and "Wheels on the bus" is his latest craze. BINGO, Grand Duke of York, Old McDonalds, This Old Man and a few not so familiar ones. I bet I could tell what they are if I listen carefully.

The final for "Britain's Got Talent" is on tonight and there are quite a few act that really deserved to be there. If Connie didn't win, it would still be OK because Simon Cowell gave her a £1million contract. Now, which mum wouldn't be proud of that?

There's another child act, eleven year-old Bessie performed Mary Poppin's "Supercalifragelisticex blah blah blah" and I think it's absolutely fabulous. She is super talented and very very cheeky. I wouldn't say she is beautiful but she has this likability factor and I just want to hug her.

When Alex was just a baby, I told Jeremy that when he turn four, I want to put him into Stagecoach. A weekly three hour training of singing, acting and dancing - it gives great confidence to children. Maybe one day, when he starts to talk - I can still put him in.

My friend Kris sent me this and I thought it was hilarious.

WHY GOD MADE MOMS

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, b ut only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head. (Ha ha ha)

Wow, it's the season of reality TV here in UK.

The Apprentice ended last night with the underdog as the winner - not fair!!!

Britain's Got Talent a new talent show with no rules. Any age, any performance and the ultimate prize of £100,000 and a slot to perform for the Royal family at the Royal Variety Show. I am hooked and it's on tele every night - the final is on this coming Sunday.

On Tuesday night, a 6 year-old girl performed solo singing "Somewhere over the rainbow" beautifully sung with perfect note. No accompanying background music - just her voice. I was close to tears and said to Jeremy that this could be Alex in 3 years time. Alex could hum his songs in perfect note and I bet when or if he speaks by six, he could be like her. Well, you can't blame a mum for dreaming can you? After all, Jeremy says that we are a match made in heaven - I am the dreamer and he is the realist and we compliment each other.

As usual, it's difficult to watch live tele when Alex is well awake, he pick his moments to hum "Wheels on a bus" at maximum volume. I record the programmes that I like and watch them when he is at nursery or afternoon nap.

This morning, whilst Alex's at nursery - I watched last night's Britain's Got Talent. There were so many wonderful children act and the truth is ..... they ARE very good. I cannot help myself - I cried my heart out. I cried because I was so happy for their parents because I know how proud they are of their children and at the same time, I cried because I may never see Alex perform. It is one of those moments when you just want to cry and then think back that there isn't a real reason to cry.

I am proud of Alex no matter what. He has been really cheeky lately and made me laugh so much. He gives us this side way glance and smile - he is one handsome dude.

One night early this week, can't remember when - I had a special moment with my son. He was making this new sound of an elephant - because I bought him a new book about animals. I said what does the elephant say Alex? He made the sound and then I asked what about the cat, he made the elephant sound and waited for me to respond, I then said ... No silly, he laughed so hard that he curled into a ball. I then asked him what about a cow? He did the elephant again and waited for me to say no. He laughed so hard and again curled into a ball - this went on for about 5 minutes and we finally call it a day. That was one special moment that I cannot forget.

A cheeky monkey indeed.

We had a GRRRRRReat day today.

Legoland is only 15 minutes from us and this is the first time we've been. We bought three Annual Passes last week through Tesco Deal and thought we'll spend a couple of hours there to activate the pass. The sky was a little grey when we arrived and looked like it might rain but we end up spending the whole day there. The sun came out around noon and we were having so much fun that we decided to stay on. Alex loved the wet rides. He went on twice and wanted to go a third time but we said "NO". We were all soaked from top to bottom but it was great fun.

I like Legoland because it's so child-friendly and gives you the value for your money (if you hold an annual pass, it's really really value for money). They keep their facilities clean and the staff are polite and courteous. I would give them a 8.5 out of 10 for today's experience (always leave room for improvement).

They even have a life show every two hours - the stunts were great but the audience - a little boring (he he he). Alex could get into most rides which is really good. He didn't want to leave when it's time to go but we had to. Now that we have our passes, we can go every week.

We didn't intend to stay long so, we didn't bring the camera. But we will the next time and I will share them.

Stephen Wiltshire - Autistic (Savant)

Autistic Man Draws Near-Perfect Panorama of Rome - Watch more free videos

Been out of action for a few days.

I was suffering from Hay fever with constant sneezing and runny nose. If there is a competition for most tissue paper used in a day, I'm on the leading board.

Alex has been very very vocal in nursery today. It's Wednesday again - the busiest day in Alex's schedule. He goes to nursery at 8:30am and then I pick him up at 12:45pm for family support at Margaret Wells-Furby. Finished at 3:00pm and came back home for his nap.

I met another two families today. A couple with their three year-old daughter - assessed but cannot confirm that she is Autistic. She can talk but has learning difficulties and is hyper-active. When she stood next to Alex, she is so much bigger even though they are the same age. She looks like any five year-old girl with a lovely face. She has a brother whose 8 years old and he needs Anger Management (to think of it, the parents had it worst than us). They can't get into NAS Early Bird Programme like Linda and Catherine's children because they are not officially diagnosed. Looks like Dr Irani is quite reluctant to diagnose ASD when in doubt. This means the families are in Limbo.

Looking at it now, the diagnosis for Alex is not so bad after all. We have all the help we needed and is on top of all waiting lists. Having said that, there is still a twelve months wait for OT and SLT. Imagine what the others are going through.

Wendy's House

(Click on photo to view album)

These pictures were taken today at Auntie Wendy's house. Auntie Wendy is Alex's Grand Aunt and she will be moving down to the coast in a few months time. We only see her twice a year - her Birthday and Christmas.

Right this moment, I feel terrible. Alex is in my bed sleeping and Jeremy is at work. I totally lose myself today and took it out on two of the most important people in my life.

Alex is demanding more and more attention lately - I am exhausted. If someone were to offer me a break now - I could not take it. I know I will miss Alex so much - I would not enjoy myself.

As I was laying next to my son earlier, I apologised to him for my moment of insanity. How I wished that he could tell me "It's OK, mummy. I love you too". At that moment, I really wanted to kneel before my bed and pray. I wanted to ask GOD what's in store for us? I could not because I don't know if GOD would listen. I have never been religious and I would be a hypocrite if I ask for help now. In times of trouble, I think of GOD but where was I when everything is smooth sailing?

Looking back, everything that happened had a reason. If I did not marry Andrew, I would not be in UK. If my marriage did not break down, I would not have met Jeremy and have Alex. If I didn't have a miscarriage, life would be even harder now. I would be having my hand full with Alex and a toddler in his/her "terrible two" stage. I can see the reason behind my marriage breakdown and the miscarriage but I cannot see why this is happening to us.

If I have done anything to anyone, Alex did not deserve this. If this is a way to punish me, Alex is innocent. I should be grateful that Alex is a happy and healthy little boy but Autism is a life-long disorder and there is no cure.