It would have been a very different tone if I have written this three hours ago.

A soak in the bath can really make a difference to one's well-being. I haven't had such a bad day with Alex since ..... May/June last year?

I really believe that we need to set some "Me" time even if it's only for half and hour. An understanding partner is essential to any family. If I hadn't had my half and hour "Me" time, I know I would be threading in dangerous water ..... I might get back to my depression mode. I have been there and WILL NOT let myself go in there again.

Anyway, I assumed we have passed the public toilet phobia stage but today proved my assumptions wrong.

I took Alex to Legoland. I thought it would be nice to take Alex out while Jeremy get some sleep after two night shifts.

We had a great time going on a few rides and then .... Alex said he wanted to pee. I took him to the toilet but as soon as he saw the toilet, he refused to go in. So, I took him to the disabled toilet next door as it's quieter and cleaner. We got in and I closed the door, he started screaming and crying inconsolably .... what was two minutes seemed like a life time in there. Meanwhile, he wet his pants and I had to take him out of the toilet. I looked at the toilet and try to do the "Iceberg" metaphor mentally but it's quiet a different story when you are all alone with a screaming child.

I can't think of anything at that moment and took him to the customer service area where there are changing facilities. I can't change him into his clean clothes when I am not sure if he had finished his business, so I asked the Customer Service Assistant if there's a quieter toilet. I told her that my son is autistic and needed some space. You cannot believe how helpful she was ..... she took us to the first aid room with a clean toilet and asked us to stay as long as we liked. Meanwhile, she came back to help console Alex bringing "Hero" badges and saying that if he uses the toilet, he'll be a "Hero". It took three people including myself to convince Alex to go sit on the toilet but we all failed miserably. I had no choice but to nip it on the butt and scooped him off the floor .... sit him on the toilet despite his screaming .... he did it and then stopped crying instantly.

We all clapped our hands and said how good he was and he was really pleased with himself. I cannot thank them enough and I must write a thank you letter to Legoland to tell them how great their employees are and how well informed they are about Autism.

After the Episode, we continued to go round the park and left an hour later. I cannot help feeling down as it's been such a long time since Alex experienced any distress or having tantrums.

I guess my feeling down escalated from Sunday when I took Alex trampolining. They changed the coach again and this time it's a young girl and I don't think she has any experience with special need children.

All the other children are much older than Alex and they have been doing this for a long time. This is only the fourth time we've been and each time a different person teaching Alex. As usual, Alex is a playful child obsess with signs and doors. He jump around looking at signs above the doors and point at them. It's quite dangerous as he was jumping all over the place and the trampolines were placed next to each other. The instructor kept asking Alex to pay attention and jump in the middle but she couldn't get his attention. I had to do something .... I got Alex's attention and managed to get him to jump in the middle for a few seconds and off he went into his own zone again. The place is echoey and I could hear my own voice kept asking Alex to "listen" and "jump". I felt like a control freak and it's not a very nice feeling.

As soon as he started to jump nicely, we had to get down again to let another child go. It's so frustrating as we had to start all over again with Alex. I know the reason why we had to keep changing as it allows the children to learn turn-taking but with Alex, he needs time to warm-up.

The final straw came when he jumped onto the next trampoline. It was so dangerous and I could see an accident waiting to happen as the boy using the next trampoline was an 8 year old boy with ADHD - when this boy starts jumping, he couldn't stop. I told Alex to jump properly or we go home. He thought I was joking with him and when he jumped onto the next trampoline, I saw myself calling him over and scooping him off the trampoline and took him to the corner and put his shoes on. I said nothing and pull him along and left the centre. I did not look back to see what the others were doing but I need Alex to learn consequences and to take my threats seriously.

I came home feeling down and tired. After putting Alex to bed, I went downstairs to unwind, watching some CSI and organising all the Lego pieces into colours and shapes (One might say I have a little OCD -Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and then went to bed feeling really tired.

What went wrong? Could it be his fever? He had a mild fever tonight and I sent him to bed with a little Calpol.

Legoland here we come.

We received a postcard from Legoland thru the mail today. They are opening this weekend in time for the Easter break in two weeks time. The last time Alex and I went there was in October last year and we came back with wet jeans.

Now that it's opening again, I can take Alex there on Mondays or Tuesdays when we have nothing better to do - ha hah a

We bought the Annual Pass last year and I can honestly say, it's one useful pass to have when you have a toddler. Not just for the rides but it's also a beautiful, clean and safe place to have a good walk.

Alex benefited a lot from going to Legoland last year. For a start, he learned to queue and take turns. Because of our regular visit to the park, he is a happier child (in the past, he seldom show emotion on his face, we find it difficult to judge whether he enjoyed himself or not) and at about the same time, he started to hug and cuddle me more compared to the last three years of his life. I am not sure whether it's a coincidence or spending time going to the park together brought out the happy Alex.

His gross motor movement improved because of the walking. Prior to Legoland, he goes every where in a stroller and when he runs, he looked very clumsy. Since dumping the strollers, Alex walked everywhere and he gradually became a very sociable child (he likes the attention from adults and he liked visitors).

I truly believe that walking makes Alex a very different child.

We went to Legoland again today.

Alex hasn't been out of the house since last Friday. The weather has been crappy for the past few days - raining almost all day and flash flood in many part of the country.

It was sunny this morning but a bit chilly - we decided to take him to Legoland for a few hours - he enjoyed himself so much. This time, when we leave the park, he did not make a fuss at all - he knows that we will go back on a regular basis.

When we arrived at the park, one of his classmate from the nursery saw him and told his father "it's Alex from nursery". His dad waved to us and wanted to join us but his son decided to go somewhere else. We went on few rides and then we met his friend again this time waiting for the same ride. Alex kept pointing at his friend but he didn't go to him nor did his friend came as they cannot communicate properly.

I so wish that Alex could talk and it would be nice to have a friend to play together.

We had a GRRRRRReat day today.

Legoland is only 15 minutes from us and this is the first time we've been. We bought three Annual Passes last week through Tesco Deal and thought we'll spend a couple of hours there to activate the pass. The sky was a little grey when we arrived and looked like it might rain but we end up spending the whole day there. The sun came out around noon and we were having so much fun that we decided to stay on. Alex loved the wet rides. He went on twice and wanted to go a third time but we said "NO". We were all soaked from top to bottom but it was great fun.

I like Legoland because it's so child-friendly and gives you the value for your money (if you hold an annual pass, it's really really value for money). They keep their facilities clean and the staff are polite and courteous. I would give them a 8.5 out of 10 for today's experience (always leave room for improvement).

They even have a life show every two hours - the stunts were great but the audience - a little boring (he he he). Alex could get into most rides which is really good. He didn't want to leave when it's time to go but we had to. Now that we have our passes, we can go every week.

We didn't intend to stay long so, we didn't bring the camera. But we will the next time and I will share them.