Wishing for a Crystal Ball

Sometimes, I wish I have a Crystal Ball. I could look into it and see what my son would be like when he grows up. Can he talk? Will he lead a normal life? Have a family that adored him .... when we are no longer there?

I am not saying I want to fast forward time ... I love growing with my son and watch him blossom but I just cannot see beyond his difficulties at the moment. Just like the time when he wasn't potty trained. I worry that he may still be in nappy when he goes to school .... or when he refused to feed himself or when ............

A mother's worry mind will never rest. If we don't worry, are we fit to call ourselves mothers?

We went to Meath School again on Tuesday. We brought Alex and Mrs Dunn with us this time. Mrs Dunn is the closest to Alex among his teachers - since Day One at Rainbow. She asked questions that no other teachers would ask and you know she genuinely care and love our son.

At one point of our conversation, I said that Alex's receptive language is only mildly delayed and he understand everything we said. The Deputy Head, Ian said "I don't believe he understand everything you said" and to demonstrate that he does, Jeremy asked Alex to get him a tissue. The box was in front of the deputy head, Alex took one and looked at Ian to seek permission. When he got a nod from Ian, Alex smiled and gave the tissue to his Dad.

Ian then said that's very good but Jeremy pointed at the box, therefore Alex is just following his signal. I then asked Alex to get me a red cushion. I made sure I didn't point and Alex scan round the room and saw one by him, he took the cushion and walked to me. Ian was really impressed and Alex was very proud of himself.

To be honest, I don't really know what is best for my son. If he start his life at a special school, where will he go for secondary school? There isn't one near us which means he will have to go to a boarding school. I cannot bear that thought.

After touring the school again for Mrs Dunn's benefit, we went back to the discussion room. Mrs Dunn asked if they can see Alex in this school as every child will have to go through an assessment from Meath. Ian said he can but Alex still need to go through the assessment. Then, the crucial question came from Mrs Dunn, where will Alex go after Meath?

All of a sudden, I was awaken and Ian said that he may go to a language unit attached to a mainstream school. He thinks Alex's disability is on the milder end and his speech is holding him back.

I was really grateful to Mrs Dunn for asking the question as I wasn't brave enough to ask him myself. I was worried that he will tell me he cannot be sure as it was too early to tell. From one professional to another, he had to be honest to her. It was music to my ear and I went home feeling happier.

On Thursday, Becca rang us and spoke to Jem. She invited her colleague from the language unit from Meadow Vale Primary, a school near us, (No one told us about this school as everyone felt that the school cannot offer what Alex needed) to give a second opinion that Bracknell cannot offer the language support that Alex needed. Everyone agreed that Meath is the right place for Alex. Officially, they are not allowed to make recommendations but they all have Alex's best interest at heart. We are so grateful to everyone for helping us in this difficult period.

Becca also believe that Alex is held back by his speech and not his autism. She thinks that he is a very intelligent boy and hope Meath is the solution.

We know we are very lucky and I will never forget what everyone did for us.