My little chatterbox

It's been six months since I updated my blog. Things have changed so much that I could not believe it has only been six months. All I could say is that everything turned out the way we wanted it to. Looking back, same time last year, I have no idea what I wanted with my life. All I know is that I wanted Alex to go to a school that can help him and that I could have a decent conversation with him.

My wishes came true and it's been positive all the way but sometimes a bit too much to handle. I know .... you must be thinking, what is there to complain when everything is going your way? Well, things could get too much when you have none for such a long time.

Alex has been in Addington School for nearly two terms. I have been ferrying him to and from school everyday, tiring for sure but it's all worth it. Alex is now very independent, we noticed the change since week one in Addington. He prefers to feed himself (he is doing a great job too), sometimes dress himself, go to toilet without help and clean up after a meal (took dishes to sink ... little did we know then but now we sussed it out that he wanted to play with the tap - LOL).

His speech has improved tremendously and he could not stop talking and singing. Still not very clear but we could make out what he wanted to say. He is also very patient with us as when we do not understand what he tried to say, he will repeat a few times and when we still don't get it, he will find other ways to tell us what he wanted to say. Our son is really patient (in this instance but not others) and intelligent. For a child with autism, he is extraordinary. We are just so proud of him!

Initially, it was easier but his vocabulary kept increasing and it's very hard to gauge what he wanted to say at times. His latest obsession is motorway, holidays, hotel, airport, airplane and did I mentioned hotel and hotel and hotel?

Last week, Alex kept saying he didn't want to go to school because he wanted to go to a different airport and hotel. I told him that if he wants to go to different airport and hotels, he must go to school so that he can learn to be a pilot when he grows up. He said "Mummy, I don't want to be a pilot, I'm just a little boy" I could not stop laughing but in my heart, it was the sweetest thing I've ever heard and boy, am I proud of him. He constantly comes up with funny anecdotes and makes us laugh.

We enjoyed our son so much but to a point when it gets too much. He can't grasp the concept of indoor voice and stop talking. When he's awake, I wished he would go to bed soon but when he is asleep, I missed him and his funny moments.

Today is Mothering Sunday in United Kingdom. Jem is at work and I took Alex to the cinema to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks - the Squeakquel and then lunch at an Italian. For the first time in six years, I could finally have a decent conversation with my son in a restaurant. He was so good I could not believe my luck.

When we walked in, he said it's too noisy and I almost turn round and walk out but I thought I'll try and if he thinks it's too much to handle we can always leave. He proved me wrong and he was just fine, I am so glad we took him to places and we are starting to reap the rewards.

He did some colouring and even made fun of me several times, we talked a bit and ate and when he had enough of the "sensory overload", he asked to go home.

This is the best Mother's Day I've ever had.

I'm not helpless ... I'm just smart

We were told that children with autism have learning difficulty but do they really? My guess is ... they do in some respect but not all. In fact, I think they can be very smart and manipulative if you allow them to be. Unlike neuro typical children, they can get away with almost anything because they led us to believe they are helpless and you cannot help wanting to protect them and do almost anything for them.

I said almost is because ... my Alex can be a pain in the backside at times but I can be the proudest mother when I take him out. He is almost a perfect child in the old days where children are meant to be seen and not heard. Well, only if his needs are met ... that is. He has no reason to misbehave because if he has food ... he is happy.

Now, the reason I said Alex has no learning difficulty is because ...

1) I was upstairs busy doing (something) and Alex called me for help. I told him I'm busy and ask him to do it himself. Fifteen minutes later, I came down to the lounge to find an empty carton of apple juice on the table. He inserted the straw into the carton and finished his drink. Normally, he would take the carton and give it to me and said "Mama help ... I can't".

2) His dad was in the garden and I was on my computer (as usual) Alex wanted to go to the garden and be with his dad. He said he wanted to go to the garden and I said go get your shoes, what seem like seconds later, I saw him in the garden with his shoes on. I asked Jem if he put the shoes on for him and he said he didn't. Alex put his shoes on and velcro them properly ... the only thing wrong with this ... he had the shoes on the wrong feet. Again, we were fooled by our child that he cannot put his own shoes on.

Moral of the story ... if a child wanted something bad enough, they can do almost anything. I have to really start letting my son grow and stop thinking he is helpless and has learning difficulties.

Well ... he does have learning difficulties when it comes to holding a pencil and using a scissors. We may think it's easy to hold a pencil and write or cut with a scissors but to Alex, we have to break down the movement and help him to combine the movement to make something. He can hold a pencil but he can't write. He doesn't have the strength or the grip to write. He can hold the scissors but again, he don't have the strength to push the scissors with the back of this thumb. Watching him do these simple things, I felt like I had to hold my breathe to urge him on.

I observed and learn some technique from the Occupational Therapist and will try to practice them with Alex. Sadly, his sessions come to an end next week and will pass on to the OT at his new school. Sam, his OT is great with him and she was really impressed with the things Alex could do. Alex has very good body awareness and can balance on a balance beam and ball without help. I think he learn that from walking on my back when I needed a massage - ha ha ha.

Who says I have no imagination?

Mummy don't feel alright.

For some reason, my son let me sleep till 8:00 this morning. He was very quiet ...

I was aware that he came into my room a few times and check on me. When I heard him came in and then out again, I realised it was late. I made a big yawn and I heard little footsteps ran up the stairs.

He gave me a big hug like usual and then he said "Mama don't feel alright". He opened my mouth and said, "mama teeth hurt" and put his fingers into my sewer mouth (ewwwwwwe) I guess he loves his mummy too much to mind.

He then said "be right back ... I go go get medsen at Tesco Warfield" a few moments later he came back and said "oh oh medsen out" I go go new Tesco and this continued with out of stock and going into Tesco Reading, Camberley etc.

I got tired of the game and said "Wow ... Mummy's OK now. He said " no no mummy tummy hurt and mummy need baha (his word for breakfast) he came back dragging a big box filled with toys and said it's food.

I thought this day never come. It's a bit delayed but it sure felt good!

The closet singer

Sitting on my bed reading my novel, I heard Alex strumming his guitar and singing "apologize" by Timbaland in the room next door. Admiring my son's singing, I have the urge to give him a hug. Trying to be as quiet as I could, my floorboard betrayed me. As soon as he heard me getting off bed ... he stopped playing and was very quiet.

I found him hiding under the table with his guitar and a few cushions - he made a nest. He hid his face in the cushion when I walked in ... as if he's embarassed. When I asked him to play me a song, he just strummed the guitar (out of tune, of course) and no singing. I said, can you sing apologize again? His replied ... "I can't!"

Alex's speech is getting better and better each day. The words he uses amazes me sometimes and he has been saying a lot of "maybe tomorrow ..." I doubt he understood what he meant by that ... but then again, Alex surprises me a lot.

Last week, he said "Awww ... Not fair" when I said no to him. I can't remember what but when he said that, I laughed my socks off. It's little things like that that made my day.

In December 2007, Dr Irani said he will talk one day, we could only hope he is right. That day came but seemed like a long long time. I never lose hope, I just got really patient.

I haven't stop writing

It's been almost two months since my last entry.

Trying to get back into writing mode takes time and I could understand why some writer take such a long time to write a book.

Alex's progress ... unbelievable! He is talking in sentence, sometimes very clear and sometimes not. More often than not, we can understand him. He is happy and ALWAYS TOO HUNGRY.

Summer School Holiday started this week. Last Monday was his last day at Rainbow ... it was emotional at the end. All the teachers knew they had to say goodbye to Alex one day but when the time came, they just cannot let go. I will miss them because they have been so great with Alex.

Come September, a new chapter will open for Alex. We won't know if he will be happy at Addington ... similarly to our initial reaction to Rainbow. It turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to us.

Many things happened in the last 6 weeks since my last entry. Erin came and gone, she was so good with Alex and we missed her so much. Thankfully it's not long that we'll be seeing her again. Alex and I will be flying back to Malaysia in December and so will the kids and Adrinna. It's an exciting trip since it's my 40th birthday, a complete family reunion bar Jeremy and Bill and a reunion with my old school mates that I have not seen for 23 years. We all got back in touch through Facebook and despite what people say about the social site, I think it brings people closer. I regularly write to my cousins that I haven't seen for ages and catching up on their latest news.

I am also in the midst of registering our group Friends of EarlyBird as a charity group to support parents/carers with children within the spectrum. More of this will be revealed.

I will try my very best to update Alex's progress as often as possible. Writing this blog help me through many dark hours and gave inspiration to some of my friends. I hope I can continue to inspire and continue to give hope to anyone reading this.

What a revelation!

Whether you have a special need child or not, parents tend to do more than they should for their children. We fail to realise that our children have been observing us and can actually do many things if we just let them and not intervening so often because we are afraid of the mess they make. 

Because of the fear of cleaning up mess, it would be easier and quicker to just do it for them. Hence, children learn early in life that .... "Hey, why bother when you have someone doing it for you?" and the "I can't" comes into the equation when you ask them to do it themselves.

Alex can do many things for different people and he won't show his cards all at once. He led me to believe that he can't do many things when he can do them with his therapist or his teachers at school.

We had breakfast this morning and I asked Alex to pour milk into his cereal. Without thinking twice, he grab the carton and then unscrew the cap .... a **PINK** in his brain suddenly remind him that mummy is watching and he said "I can't ..." with a whinny voice. If I had turned my back and not watching, he would have poured the milk and replace the cap. I told him, "you can do it, just try" he then confidently pour the milk into the bowl beautifully.

I am so proud of him.

Alex needs constant reassurance (not in a bad way) when an adult is present. Even though he knows he is allowed to do it because he has done so many times, he still need approval. Is this part of autism? 

I am very lucky with Alex because he has no tantrums compared to my friends' Autistic children. And when I take him out, many people commented on how well behaved Alex was. 

Could it be because he is my only child and I can afford to pour all my attention on him and meet his every needs that he is so contented and see no reason to seek attention?